Monday, March 2, 2015

Seven awesome things

I ran a mile nonstop yesterday for the first time since the Tough Mudder race last October when I tore my ACL. Awesome.

I perfectly tetris'd the dishwasher, fitting every last dish in. Awesome.

I found a lonely Quest bar in my pantry after I thought I ran out (s'mores 4eva). Awesome.

All of my laundry fit into one load. Awesome.

They had this month's book club pick at the library. Awesome.

The snow is gone. Awesome.

(The tiniest of spoiler alerts.) 
Rick shaved his beard last night on The Walking Dead. Not awesome.

Actually, the stubble is better.

Friday, February 20, 2015

Frisky Friday: Sex and Candy

Have you heard Maroon 5's cover of Sex and Candy? It would have been a little more hilarious/awesome if Blake Shelton covered it, but since nobody consulted me, I guess this works too. Way to rub your success in Marcy Playground's face, guys. Although I suppose MP is getting a pretty penny, so who really wins here.

The whole universe wins because this happened.
Who wants to wear the helmet now? 
Wait, are there other people in the band? Lolnope.

Anyway, I dig the cover. Maybe because "sex and candy" is how I'd describe my relationship. Actually, it would probably be more like "dick jokes and carbs". Just kidding, more like "twss and workout selfies". How would you describe YOUR relationship in two(ish) words? 

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Name brand, baby

Getting back to doin' werk after an injury is just so ughhhhhhhhhhhhslow. Ya know, if you let it be. Just like when you begin your fitness or weight loss journey (I hate calling it that), it's all about baby steps and slight progression. On Sunday I ran half a mile non-stop at a ten minute pace. That's a shorter distance and slower time than I'm used to, but compared to the last 4 months of no running at all, it's pretty exciting. High five.

Monday was elliptical + quads and booty booty booty booty rockin' everywhere day. 

Tuesday I had the club goin' up was yoga night, but I got there early so I biked for 30 minutes first. I've incorporated yoga moves into my knee therapy since the beginning, but this was my first full-on class in months. I kinda forgot how much I love/hate it and I'm gonna attempt to make it to yoga class once a week now. Plus, a yoga instructor once told me I had really open hips and I thought she was coming on to me, but it turns out that's an actual thing.

Wednesday was supposed to be a run day again with arms and abs, but ya know what? My knee hurt from running followed by leg day followed by biking, so I listened to my body and skipped the run. Coming from someone who had 2 ACL repairs about a year apart, it's not worth a re-injury. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

I don't have any races on my calendar with the exception of a turnt up 5k I'm gonna wog with a beer in one hand and a glow stick in the other in March. Long races aren't even on my radar right now and that's okay. The important thing is to stay healthy, and that includes letting my knee heal properly so hopefully it's strong like the name brand paper towels in those commercials with the blue liquid that disintegrates the bargain brand. You know what I'm talking about.

Come onnnnn name brand paper towel knee strength. (It's not super catchy.)

Tuesday, February 17, 2015


Sometimes I make the mistake of reading the mean things people write on the internet. Most of the time it's a train wreck of poor grammar about famous people, but on a rare occasion it's about me and/or this silly little blog. Who am I to judge that? I'm the narcissist that writes about my mundane life with the expectation that at least one other person cares. (Hi, Aunt B.) 

Sometimes I post pictures I shouldn't. Sometimes my jokes aren't funny or I unintentionally make someone feel bad. What I've learned: Be careful what you say and do in writing. You never know how words can be misconstrued without hearing the tone behind them. How many times have I misread a text and gotten miffed? Like a billion. I actually get more miffed when people don't reply to my texts, but that's neither here nor there. (But seriously, we were JUST talking. Did you throw your phone out the window?)

Sometimes I eat food I shouldn't, especially with my weird, asshole stomach. Ya know, like the pizza and cinnamon roll I had on Saturday. This happens more often than I care to admit. What I've learned: I actually do have a weird condition and I have to eat accordingly. For a while I thought, nah, that's not true. It can't be. I'm tough, this couldn't happen to me. I'm just being a wuss. Welp, it sure did happen.

Sometimes I don't listen when I should, and it's mostly because I'm stubborn and independent and/or afraid of what I'm hearing, like that time I should have listened to my doctor about knee recovery, should have listened when my dad told me to wear sunscreen as a kid, should have listened when "insert older, more experienced person here" gave my dumbass advice. I am a much better listener the older I get, and I wear spf daily now. So, there's that. Thank goodness spray tans are a thing, that way when I want to appear slightly darker than my usual translucent, I have a reasonable non-cancer-inducing option. (Probably.) Thanks, science. What I've learned: Some people are smarter than me and I need to not be a dick about it.

Sometimes I talk too much and/or say things I shouldn't. I definitely curse too much. What I've learned: Sometimes it's best to not show your whole hand, so stfu and watch the shitshow. 

Sometimes I do bandwagon stuff, like cheer for whatever team in the sports game or see the movie everyone is talking about (ahem, 50 Shades. (Short review: it was fine. Better than expected, definitely not a cinematic masterpiece. It was very Twilight-y.)) Sometimes I do really uncool stuff, like organize my shirts by sleeve length or watch all the Star Wars movies in one day. Don't tell me how to live my life. What I've learned: Nobody fits completely into one category or mold.

Sometimes I make interesting life choices that other people don't understand. Sometimes I don't even understand the full weight of a decision when I make it, that's part of living and learning. What I've learned: Nobody really knows what they're doing, so I won't judge if you don't. Even if you do, I still won't.

Sometimes I get jealous. Sometimes I feel threatened and insecure. That's just a product of life and getting hurt in the past, and probably hormones or PMS or something, I don't know. What I've learned: I'm a girl about some stuff. Sue me.

Despite my long list of shortcomings, I will say that I'll never use internet anonymity to cut down another person. Just like how having the experience of waiting tables made me a much better tipper, being in this position where strangers who have a limited view into my life find it acceptable to be rude has taught me to be wise with my words - that they are cutting, and behind every Instagram account, Twitter handle, Facebook page and so on, there's a real person writing things they think will help you, make you laugh or connect with you in some way. In fact, I should probably do a better job of commenting the positive things I think about people. I'm a liker and very rarely a commenter.

So for funsies, here are some things you may not know about me:

1. I watch The Walking Dead and Masterchef Junior every week. They're my programs. (pronounced "pro-gruhms")

2. I'm constantly doing things. It's hard for me to just sit and watch tv without doing something else like cooking, writing, cleaning, so on. And I never nap unless I'm seriously ill. I legit hate naps, I wake up all kindsa angry and I Hulk out on whoever is nearby. The worst. My kid got that part of my DNA, so that's fun.

3. In my real job that I get paid for, I'm a graphic designer/communications specialist. I love it. It's like being an artist that gets paid and has insurance benefits and a 401k. Boo-yah.

4. I'm ridiculously good at Bananagrams and fooseball. Not at the same time. Also, Harry Potter trivia. I can't wait to read the books with my son.

5. I'm terrible at MarioKart. Probably because I'm a woman.

6. I was made fun of in elementary and middle school for my glasses and general lack of hygiene. The good news is I still have glasses and I still only bathe every other day (if you're lucky), so you do you, baby. I turned out fine. Mostly.

7. I'm in a book club because I'm so basic.

8. I love lists. I list out everything from groceries to chores to projects and check off items as I go. Is checking off an item from your to-do list not the best feeling ever? It's like a high for task-oriented people.

9. I'm not OCD at all, which is why I'm ending this list at 9 without an ounce of remorse.

Friday, February 13, 2015

Frisky Friday: Honest Valentines

Don't nobody need a sappy Hallmark card. Tell your person how you REALLY feel this Valentine's Day.

Because sometimes that's all you can do.

Depending on your stance on arm hair, this is either a huge deal or completely unnecessary. 
Either way, awww.


And for the more confident folks:

It's not bragadocious if it's true.

Thank you..?

Happy Valentine's Day! Happy Galentine's Day! Happy Valentine's Gay! (I don't know if that last one is a thing.) May the chocolate we eat this weekend not negatively affect our macros. #swolentinesday 

Monday, February 9, 2015

February 7

It's come and gone, the day I've been counting down to for three months. It was Saturday, but I was too busy livin' my life on the weekend to write things. Y'all, I drove a motorcycle. Like, by myself. No ridin' bitch for me. Fact: turns out height matters when determining whether or not one can operate a bike, and I barely made the cut. You mean you have to be able to reach the ground when you're sitting on it? I may have been rockin' it with my tippy toes.

Pretty sure I've ridden my bicycle faster than I drove that motorcycle, but I drove it nonetheless. Leaving first gear is overrated anyway.

Anyway, that was just a happy coincidence. The thing I was really counting down to was the day I could run again - three looooong months after my second ACL and meniscus repair. I waited it out. I didn't cheat. I calmed the eff down and just...waited. I relaxed. I didn't push it. I. Just. Waited.

So on Sunday morning, I ran/walked a half mile around my neighborhood. was anti-climactic. It felt like it was my first time, like fawn learning to walk. It's gonna take a lot of work and the right balance of motivation and caution to get back to the level I was before I was injured without hurting myself again. I'm so done with knee surgery, f'real. I just realized I might be a grown up making healthy grown up choices. Ew, it's weird. (Disregard the picture of me on a motorcycle without a helmet, re: healthy grown up choices.)

The other reason this weekend was an important milestone? I'm back in heels, baby, aka back to tricking everyone into thinking I'm a reasonable height. Pumped about it. (See what I did there? Pumped? Like pumps? It was a stretch.)

And The Grammys were on? Color me overwhelmed. I LOVE awards shows, y'all, especially The Grammys, because I love the performances I can finally see what my favorite musicians look like. Who knew Juanes was so good looking? (Tienes la camisa negra? Quitárselo, por favor.) And I dig Sia's whole style and story with the dancers. I see you, Kristen Wiig. Damn gurl, you go. And I know it's total cheese, but I really love that one Ed Sheeran song. ("Thinking Out Loud") Also I felt like a hundred years old when I realized his album is called "Multiply" and not "X". Gingers always were a clever lot.

AND The Walking Dead returned? I can't. It's too much for one glorious weekend. 

Friday, February 6, 2015

Frisky Friday: Be Mine

It's amazing to me how many people rage about Valentine's Day. It's not just single people, it's people in relationships, too. "I'm not gonna send her flowers just because Hallmark told me to!" Okay. That's fair if you buy flowers throughout the year, because sending flowers is ridic expensive for one thing, and spontaneity is way better than doing it because you feel like you have to. And honestly? For the money I'd rather have an edible arrangement. The kind with chocolate covered pineapple. (HINT) A girl's gotta eat, and roses taste like ass.

Poster from thebigharumph on Etsy.

I also understand feeling forced to make dinner reservations somewhere. I don't dig it. The date isn't as much fun if you're only doing it because you feel obligated, plus the fixed Valentine's Day dinner menu is never as awesome as it should be.

Mugs from CustomGlassBoutique on Etsy.
Also, these could be very easily handmade.

The thing is, the point of Valentine's Day isn't supposed to be about giving/receiving expensive flowers and/or lingerie and/or a fancy date. It's about giving/receiving other...things. (eyebrow waggle) Just kidding, it's about showing your luvah that you love-ah them with little things, like a sweet dirty homemade card and picking up takeout from that one really good burger place, and then some brown chicken brown cow later after watching The Walking Dead. I wouldn't hate having some chocolate too, because any excuse for chocolate is valid in my book. 

Please, whatever you do, do not buy a giant stuffed animal for your Valentine. That stopped being appropriate when you left middle school. I shouldn't even have to say that.

Anatomical heart necklace from LostApostle on Etsy.

Hi, my name is Nerky, and I'm pro-Valentine's Day, I'm just not pro-overhyped idiocracy 'Merica Valentine's Day. Also, all the gifties I posted up in here cost less than sending flowers and they don't die, so you get more bang for your buck. Boom. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE flowers, I just prefer them to be spontaneous. I LOVE fancy dates, but I feel like there needs to be a celebratory occasion to warrant it so it's more exciting and not just a B level holiday.

And guys, a wee little hint, the more thoughtful (doesn't mean extravagant) you are for Valentine's day, the more exciting March 14th will be for you.