Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Winner Winter

I started tri-training again, y'all, because no matter how many times you tell me, I still refuse to believe there are only 24 hours in a day. Sunday was my first outdoor ride on Winter and it's quite a bit different than training indoors in air conditioning while watching Jessica Jones on Netflix. Like I have to actually use the features of the bike. Like the brakes. And I have to take into account the world around me. Like wind and hills and cars.

My quads and peripheral vision muscles hurt just thinking about it again. 

It turns out I was blindingly unaware of exactly how out of shape I am. I remember riding my bike 10 miles (uphill both ways in the snow) no problemo. Just an easy Sunday afternoon ride. Yesterday I was huffing after 2 miles. TWO.

Houston, we have a fatty problem. I gotta get it into gear (that's a little bike humor for ya) STAT, lest I come in last place in the tri like last time. Okay I wasn't last place, but damn near. Swimming is hard.

Speaking of, I had my first swim on Sunday too, aka the highly anticipated and much revered return of the cheeseburger swim cap. First of all, it's possible that I was so tired biking because I swam 350 meters first and this was the first time in a while I had done either of the things. Second of all, I am one lucky mofo to have a lap pool in my neighborhood within walking distance of my house. I mean, seriously. #blessed



So the race that I want to do is in mid-June, which gives me roughly 6 weeks to get my shit together enough to not drown. Plenty o' time. I mean, probably. Sure. (#confidence)

May the fourth be with you.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Dishes

You guys, I witnessed my husfriend's dishwashing method this weekend and it's so weird. See, usually doing the dishes is my job because I'm a woman. On this rare occasion that I did not do the dishes immediately, they piled up in the sink and I asked him to pretty please do them because mama's tired.

And he did. And I love him for that.

But y'all, it was so weird.

See, when I do dishes, I do a pre-rinse pre-game to get all the chunks off, then I tetris them into the dishwasher immediately and efficiently. Badabing, badaboom. Not him. Nope. He pre-games every dish and then stacks it according to type. On the counter. Even the kids silverware was separate from the adult silverware. Only when each dish is rinsed and organized does he gather his game plan for proper loading. I don't. I can't. There's so much strategy and thought....for dishes.

The counter was clear before he started. 
In his defense, it was a lot of dishes.
It was only a days worth.
I have so many roommates.

I mean, I sorta get the strategy. You can see what you have and load the dishwasher as efficiently as possible, but I think you lose points for getting the counter all wet and cluttered and having to touch each dish twice. You don't get all the tetris tiles at once, you get 'em one at a time, amiright?

Am I wrong? How do YOU do the dishes?

Monday, April 18, 2016

Sleepover

My stepson's birthday party sleepover extravaganza (slumber party?) was this weekend, and being the adult in charge is a new level of strange. Just like how swimming as a kid is hella fun, and swimming as an adult is hella work, being the parents hosting the sleepover instead of the kid attending a sleepover is SO WEIRD. I don't know what to say or what to do or how to sit is it hot in here do you think I'm just the right amount of cool or are we trying too hard I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY HANDS.


This was my first teenage sleepover as a stepmom. Actually, I'm pretty sure it was Jason's first too (that's my husfriend's name, y'all). So I did what I know. I fed them. Like a mom.

ALL the snacks.


Chocolate cupcakes with strawberry filling topped with whipped cream. Aww yeahhh.

Xbox cake

Fondant is pretty and all, but I don't like working with it and kids rarely like eating it. Plus, I've hear rumors of interestingly colored....movements. That's less related to fondant and more related to the amount of dye, but yanno. I'll report back if I hear of any bloop. The controller is made/shaped out of fruity pebbles rice krispie treats and covered in icing and fondant, like last year's Avengers cake for my little spawn. Pro tip: freeze a block of rice krispie (I used fruity pebbles because it tastes better), and then carve it out of the frozen block. Refreeze as it starts to get too sticky to work with.


Mostly it was a breeze because they played games all night with the occasional light saber battle break.


And then we fell asleep before they did because we're lame parents. Or maybe it was the wine, who can say.

The princesses slept in and my manfriend made them waffles for breakfast (lunch) because he's adorbs, and even though it rained all day, these honey badgers DGAF. They swam and spa'd anyway and stayed most of the day.

Overall I think we did aight. High fives all around.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

The elephant in the room

Let's talk about the elephant in the room.


I painted a purple elephant in photoshop class last night. Mostly inbetween the steps of the lesson about painting a landscape because I don't like painting landscapes (in photoshop or otherwise). But the real exciting news is that, as of 10pm last night, I'm done with my photoshop class and officially 3/10 done with my graphic design certificate. w00t. I'm also done with night classes for the rest of the month and that's the best news because mama's tired.

Speaking of purple elephants (who has multiple stories about purple elephants? me.), one time when I was a kid my dad took my brothers and me to Vegas because he's straight ratchet, and because we weren't 21, Vegas wasn't fun for us in the way it's fun for us now (getting married on a whim and searching every casino for Buffalo Stampede slot machines because some rando in Austin said to play them and them only). So we spent our time in the midways for kids while my dad did cocaine off of celebrities. Just kidding, he was with us. (Doing cocaine off of celebrities.)

So anyway. Nobody did cocaine and we didn't see any celebrities. But I did learn that I'm extremely gifted at ring toss games. You know the one with the little rings that you throw and try to get it on the coke bottles? Yeah. I win at that, turns out.

When the ring clanked around the the bottle neck, my face lit up as fast as my dad's heart sank because he was the poor bastard that had to carry the 3.5 foot tall purple gorilla that I won around Vegas. So much for hookers and drugs, amiright?

The thing is, that bastard was too big to take home on the plane (and the gorilla was too, heyoooooo), and because I was an 8 year old asshole, I WOULD NOT just leave him there. So my dad paid like a zillion doll hairs to ship the giant stuffed monkey back to Texas. 

Now would be an excellent time to show a picture of the giant stuffed purple gorilla (that I named "Purp", because I'm creative AF), but I don't have one, so sorry to disappoint. 

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Why I had to return my Fitbit

I may not have been great at achieving all the step goals, but dammit I liked trying. Plus, wearing it on my wrist reminded me to get up off me arse. Notice how that's past tense. (And Irish, but that's irrelevant.)

The thing is, it burned me. Literally. Or maybe it was some kind of rash/allergic reaction. I don't know, but either way I DO NOT DIG.




I'm not sure if it was a burn or a rash. It stung and peeled like a burn though. Either way, I contacted Fitbit about it after it happened twice, and they were SO AWESOME. No questions asked (well, a few necessary questions), they sent me a return label to ship it back and processed a refund for the purchase price. After googling it, it seems several people are having issues with the Fitbit band causing a reaction, possibly due to nickel (if I had a nickel for every time I had a skin reaction, I'd have a lot of skin reactions) so I may steer clear of them all together. That's okay, because now my eyes have been opened to a new world of exciting wrist wear, or as I once heard in a tv show for douche canoes, "wrist format time-keeping instruments".

So, as I await my refund check, I'm shopping around for other fitness trackers because even if I don't 100% pay attention to my steps, the fact that it was on my wrist was a constant reminder to park further away or get up and walk around for a while. Plus, I liked that it told me when I got a text. 

I REALLY like the idea of step tracking as jewelry as opposed to a bulky smartwatch. But I also want the features of a smartwatch that I liked - text and call notifications. (Why yes, I do screen texts.) Luckily there are some pretty options and I CAN'T DECIDE.

There are smart watches that look like regular watches from Fossil and Pebble that I like a lot. 


Fossil watch $275 at Fossil and Amazon
Hey there, Prime shipping.

Pebble Time Round $199 at Pebble.com or $179 at Amazon.
Hey there, Prime shipping and a $20 savings for shoes.

For a $100 difference, the Pebble gets as good of reviews as the Fossil watch, most of the time slightly better. I was sold on this one UNTIL...


Ringly Aries bracelet $199 (on sale) to pre-order.
Not available til summer. Boo hiss.

The Aries is a smart BRACELET y'all. It's pretty and subtle enough to wear it daily. (YES PLEASE to the white one.) It tracks your steps and changes color or vibrates when you get notifications for whichever apps you connect it to. The downside is you can't really screen a text because it doesn't actually appear like on a traditional smart watch, but you know you received one via the stone changing color (how COOL is that?) or vibrating if your phone is on silent or in the depths of your mom bag. I love how simple the design is. This company makes a ring that's available now in the same style, but I'm not into wearing rings so that's a no-go for me.

I legit can't make up my mind between the Pebble and waiting for the Ringly bracelet this summer. To be clear, I don't have any of these. I'm just a girl in a grown up world trying to make a decision on a piece of smart wrist wear. Which would YOU pick? (WWJD?) Are there better things out there? Do tell.

Friday, April 1, 2016

Design School

Guh, sorry for the lack of regular posts lately. I'm taking some night design classes so people take my resume seriously as a graphic designer and between that and work and raising the next generation (the entire next generation lives in my house), I have less time for stuff like blogging and unpacking boxes from our move...3 months ago.

Anyway.

So I'm taking a class in Photoshop right now, which admittedly I don't use a whole lot, except to make myself skinnier in Instagram pics (jk, y'all. Calm ye tits.). So I know some basic stuff in good ol' PS, but nothing super advanced. Mostly for my day job I use it to brighten people's faces for photos on a website, smooth skin, remove a wrinkle or 7, etc. Nothing too exciting.

So we had homework for class. I was supposed to cut something out of one image and put it in another image. I've done that before, most recently for our honeymoon/surprise wedding announcement:

See, because the Death Star wasn't actually there.

I know, I'm sorry I lied to you. Also, the treed part? Fake. That was a big ass highway before. Knowing what I know now, I would change the lighting on our faces. But hey, that's the point of practice.

I thought it would be cheating to submit this picture, plus I'm not taking these classes to cut corners, I want to learn all I can, ya know? I'm totally that asshole that asks for extra assignments. (Nerd alert.) But I learned everything I know now - I mostly use Illustrator and a little InDesign and Photoshop - from trial and error and Google. I would take an already created piece of vector art and recreate it to learn the tools. Practice makes perfect, right?

So here's what I'm submitting, before:


Plus:


BAM.

Snot perfect, but you get the idear.

I'm sure my friend won't mind that I subbed her out, right? Also looking at this picture makes me wanna do another race. Also makes me wanna fit in those short shorts again without a muffin top. #goals

Monday, March 28, 2016

Easter

Damn Gina, what a busy weekend. Our Easter game is solid, plus we finally got adult furniture delivered and I broke my gat damn pinky toe in a freak walking-down-the-stairs accident. Um, I mean a rogue velociraptor attacked my family and in a heroic life-saving feat, I broke the tiniest of toes. It's a small price to pay. (But seriously, I slipped on the stairs, soooo NBD. Just tape it up, get some wine and walk it off.)


The Easter Bunny even brought stuff for the dogs and mom and dad, how thoughtful.

Before we got grown-up furniture, we had a tiny Spider-Man card table a lot like this one with a big gash in the middle of it from when one of the kids got stabby. So a table that fits a grown ass is an exciting upgrade.

My kid and I have been planting Easter seeds every year since I found the idea on Pinterest, but this year we got to introduce our traditions to all the other kids. 


Each year I get a lil more legit with the packaging to keep the magic alive.

But what ARE Easter seeds?! I thought you'd never ask.

Shhhh, it's dollar store jelly beans.

But what do they GROW?! I thought you'd never ask.


Dollar store candy and yard art!
Imagine if you bought Gucci jelly beans.

Another of my favorite Easter traditions is having people over to grill out and make Peeps s'mores in the fire pit on Easter Eve. Adult dranks. Kids with sugar highs. Fire. It's a winning combination.



We get the chocolate XL bars - Reese's, cookies 'n creme, milk, dark, etc. I should have taken a picture of the display, but I had too many Not Your Father's Ginger Ales by that point and I forgot. You get it though.

Between alllll the festivities and candy and treats and staying up late and waking up early and kids being kids and excitement in general, mama is FUGGIN TIRED and FAT, but that's par for the course with a belly full of sugar coated marshmallows. We're back on track with the fitness now that it's over, but it was fun and worth every s'more. #noragrets

Everybody say, "Furry!"