Thursday, August 25, 2016

Cauliflower pizza crust

Dang Gina, where are all the healthy recipes I used to post?! They're all still on Pinterest because I don't have time for new stuff. Just kidding. Sorta.

This week we've had two faux carb meals and I'm pretty sure the kids didn't even care/notice. First, spaghetti squash. Let's get realio, we never use spaghetti noodles. Ever. We always serve spaghetti with squash subbed in for noodles. Every. Time. Know why? It's delicious. The kids omnonom it up, so it's a total win. Plus, my husfriend makes this bomb ass sauce packed to the max with veggies - whatever we have in the fridge. This last one was lots of tomatoes (barf, but I digress), eggplant, bell peps, etc. It's good with yellow squash and zucchini in it too. ALL THE SQUASH.

I'm a recipe follower, he's a mad scientist. It works. 

We also made pizza with cauliflower crust because we're savage. Ima be honest, I did NOT think the kids were gonna be down with this and our toppings combo, but they were, so YASSSSS. Fair warning, it will give you DANK garlic breath, but it's worth it.

Cauliflower Crust:

1/2 head cauliflower
1 egg
1/2 cup fresh parsley, chopped
1 cup shredded mozzarella
4 cloves garlic, minced
a few dashes of Italian seasoning
S&P to taste

Chop up your cauliflower and put it in a food processor to grate it up even more. Steam it for 10-15 minutes, then add everything to a bowl and mix it up. Flatten it out and put it on a cookie sheet to bake at 450 for 15-20 minutes, or until it's crispy. Personally, I like to make individual little pizzas because they cook better, aka it won't be as soggy in the middle, plus, who doesn't want their own lil pizza? After it's cooked, take it out of the oven and add whatever toppings you want, and bake it til the cheese melts, about 3-4 minutes.

Done and delicious. Look at all those calories/carbs/macros you just saved. You go gurl.

We put pepperoni, banana peps, shrooms, olives and cheese on it this time.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Back to school, back to school, to prove to dad that I'm not a fool

It's been a minute since I've posted because I was getting the fruit of my loins ready for his first time going to school. Plus getting the other kids ready, but they've already been in school so it's not as exciting/terrifying. They wear uniforms at his school and I can't with the little polo shirt. I just can't. HE'S BASICALLY GROWN, Y'ALL. 

We're back on the lunch-packing game errrnight too. Plus, the big kid's school starts early AF, so I'm rockin' that 5:30am club and it's not even to get in a workout. It's to get everyone to school on time. So instead of running in the morning, I run after work. I don't hate it because it's not the pit of Mordor outside anymore. Just humid. So. Fecking. Humid.


Typically I run 2-3 miles like 4-5 times a week. I'm toying with the idea of doing another half, but I just don't know if I can truly commit to that kind of training with my crazy schedule and asshole knee. (I mean it's not really an asshole. How awkward would that be? Is it better or worse than a third nipple? Because what if the nipple was on the tip of your nose or your eyelid? Would you have to keep it covered lest you get ticketed for indecent exposure? These are questions I need answered, people.) Running has been a little less shitty lately, and I attribute that to foam rolling and massaging my scar every day (I know Voldemort is up to some shenanigans when it starts hurting REAL bad). I don't wear the brace anymore, but I do always wear a compression sleeve or compression capris.

It's a delicate balance for us every evening during school with getting dinner made, both of us getting a workout in, bath and bed routing for the littlest by 8:30, then lunch packing, cleaning the kitchen, etc. Gurl, I don't even sit down til 9:30 and by then mama's tired. When do I get to stop working for the man and start being a trophy wife? I thought that's what I signed up for, might need to go back and read the fine print.

Happy #transformationtuesday, y'all! Tag me on Insta with your transformations!

Monday, August 8, 2016

My husband bought me a toilet for my birthday.

Yep. I mean, technically he just got me the seat. I think that's the traditional gift for a 30th birthday, yes? Toilet? Or is that the modern gift?

The thing is, it's a spaceship. It has a control panel with more features and buttons than my car. It has a heated seat and multiple bidet options, one of which is called "vortex" and is to be USED WITH CAUTION. My poop chute has never been so pampered. I'm realizing now what subpar levels I've stooped to with all the peasant toilets my cheeks have graced. It has varying levels of heated water and a massage feature as well, and when you're done tending to business? It has a fan to blow dry your taint. Oh, is it shark week? No prob, just hit the "feminine" button for a rinse-a-roony. Fresher than Summer's Eve.

We named it the Starshit Enterprise.

And really, he's thoughtful. He knows I can go get my nails done or schedule a massage. And I can go get a facial or get my hur did, but only he is fit to tend to my butt hole. And with great power comes great responsibility. And he brought his A game.

But I'm a little uncomfortable with him thinking about my deuce game. I mean, right? Where's the magic there? Should we just give up on our sex life now? No. He needs to know that I shit glitter and unicorn magic. AND NOTHING ELSE.

So I painted him a reminder and I hung it up right in front of the Starshit Enterprise, so that he is clear about my magical backdoor, nothing but rainbows and happiness emitting from there. NOTHING.

This is the second unicorn ass I've shaped this year.
And in my life.

Anyone else who dumps out in my spaceship? You're gonna get cropdusted by a unicorn. Be warned.

Monday, August 1, 2016

364 days til we do it again

Y'all, my birthday yesterday was amazeballs. My husfriend went above and beyond, aka he got me bitchin' gifts and made me a cake, and covered for me so I could sneak outside and relax in the pool without the kids. 

He's a true saint. 

D'awww.

I'm oh-ficially in my 30s now and I ain't even mad. People were all, "Omg but when it happens you're gonna want to die," or all, "But like, seriously turning 30 is the worst thing." And I just don't feel that way. Honestly, I don't feel any kinda way about it. I feel the same today as I did last week and I'll probably feel the same tomorrow. Whatev, I'm WAY more awesome now than I was at 20. Or even 25. Shoot.

I had the teensiest of backyard parties to ring it in, because YOLO. Like 5 of my closest friends came over - my inner circle friends who DGAF what my house looks like or whether I wear make up - some with spouses and most with kids, to eat good food, drink Meg-aritas, swim (aka sit and watch the kids swim) and play Cards Against Humanity. Y'all, I have a shitload of kids in general, but my pool has NEVER had that many kids in it. It was pretty rad and super chill. (Like me, hair flip.)

My dad will probably always think she's my lesbian luvah.

We really celebrated all weekend, or I did. Well, that's not true. We cleaned alllllll day on Saturday in preparation for the party, but waking up in a clean house is SO WONDERFUL that it's a gift in and of itself. Walking into a clean room where everything is in it's place is borderline orgasmic. I LOVE CLEAN.

Because we cleaned all day, my husfriend didn't get a chance to make a cake on Saturday. Have no fear, my frand Angela (pictured above) saved the fackin' day with burger cupcakes.

I screenshat her snap.
It tells the person if you do that, FYI.
Just a PSA.

Do you even Snapchat, bro? I'm nerkymeg over thur. Hit it. No dick pics, tho. Thx.

Sunday, my actual birthday, I awoke to a clean house and the new Harry Potter book release. I mean, what more can a 30 year old woman ask for? My husfriend got me 6 HP wands as a gift (Harry, Voldemort, Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore and Snape) and we're working on an idea to display them, in case you wondered exactly how geeked out about Harry Potter I am. 

So I went to get the book and read a little bit of it while my husfriend and stepdaughter baked me a cake. Mostly because she wanted to, I'm pretty sure he was over it by that point. He doesn't subscribe to the celebrate-all-week ideal that I do, but he is supportive and that's what counts. And hey, I'm glad she forced it, because the cake was perf.

I love it because it's awesome.
But really I love it because they made it.

So it's over now and it's back to business as usual! I ate basically every meal out last week, so starting the 21 day fix today will be quite a (much needed) change! If you want to join my challenge group, send me an email. This is my first for-real challenge group and my first time doin' 21DF, so we'll work together and keep each other accountable! We're gonna slay it, I can feel it in my old ass bones. 

Thursday, July 28, 2016

I thought it would be...bigger

It happens a lot, amiright?

I got my 21 day fix gear in the mail today and first thought: it's like Christmas opening all the stuff! Second thought: GAT DAMN those containers are teensy. No wonder everybody I've talked to has lost like a billion* ell bees. YOU NOT EATIN' NOTHIN'.


I mean, you eat more than just one container at each meal. But dayum. Shit's REAL real now. It's going down on 8/1 and all y'all can join my challenge group! Just email me

TEENSY. 

Want to see if I crash and burn before you commit to it? That's cool. I'll post before and after pics here and there and everywhere, and if you want to do it later, email me and I'll support you like a good wife.

LET'S DO DIS.

*I mean, ish

Friday, July 22, 2016

FriYAY

Y'all, it's my birthday month! (confetti emoji!) And this year is a big 'un. The big fat THREE-OH. 

I mean I don't feel 30. I'll rock it out like a bowse, though. And then right after my birthday extravaganza (aka small gathering of friends putting wieners in their mouths in my backyard), I'm gonna hit the 21 day fix, hard. Y'all know I love rainbows and organization, how could I not get down with a color coordinated meal prep system? Plus, there are daily workouts. Did anyone else think it was just a meal plan? Just me? Cool. Well there are workouts too. So now we all know.

Y'all wanna do it with me? Y'all have questions? Comment or email me. I'll getcha fixed right on up. We'll start on Monday, August 1 and keep each other accountable. And accountability is sexy AF. 

Until 8/1? Uh, it's my birthday month. That means cake and fancy dinner and weird donuts and birthday Starbucks, CANIGETANAMEN. 

Thursday, July 21, 2016

5:30am club

It's been 3 days and I've woken up at 5:30ish to exercise every damn day. WHO IS THIS PERSON I AM BECOMING. It's been so great. The change? I go to bed around 11. You know, instead of after midnight. 

I wake up, get geared up in my new runnin' kicks, run a couple of miles, then come home and foam roll my knee scar. All before work and life stuff. It's pretty legit, and I'm gonna keep up the trend because exercise gives you endorphins. And endorphins make you happy. (And happy people don't shoot their husbands.)

In the morning I'm usually fresh - the day/life/work/kids/stress hasn't given me tired head yet. At first my muscles are slow and heavy, but that goes away after just a few minutes. Then I get my sweat on, which makes me feel like I did something. And the best part, I don't go to bed guilty about not working out. That's a good feeling, because the later it gets in the day, the more likely you'll just skip your workout. Maybe work was stressful or you forget that you don't have an ingredient for dinner or your kids are sick. Excuse, excuse, excuse. And it's so easy to skip a day, then skip a couple of days, then it's been a week. Then two weeks. And so on. Been there, done that. 

So now I'm crushin' it. Let's get real, I need to crush something. Mama's gained a few ell bee's ifyaknowwhatimean.