Friday, July 22, 2016


Y'all, it's my birthday month! (confetti emoji!) And this year is a big 'un. The big fat THREE-OH. 

I mean I don't feel 30. I'll rock it out like a bowse, though. And then right after my birthday extravaganza (aka small gathering of friends putting wieners in their mouths in my backyard), I'm gonna hit the 21 day fix, hard. Y'all know I love rainbows and organization, how could I not get down with a color coordinated meal prep system? Plus, there are daily workouts. Did anyone else think it was just a meal plan? Just me? Cool. Well there are workouts too. So now we all know.

Y'all wanna do it with me? Y'all have questions? Comment or email me. I'll getcha fixed right on up. We'll start on Monday, August 1 and keep each other accountable. And accountability is sexy AF. 

Until 8/1? Uh, it's my birthday month. That means cake and fancy dinner and weird donuts and birthday Starbucks, CANIGETANAMEN. 

Thursday, July 21, 2016

5:30am club

It's been 3 days and I've woken up at 5:30ish to exercise every damn day. WHO IS THIS PERSON I AM BECOMING. It's been so great. The change? I go to bed around 11. You know, instead of after midnight. 

I wake up, get geared up in my new runnin' kicks, run a couple of miles, then come home and foam roll my knee scar. All before work and life stuff. It's pretty legit, and I'm gonna keep up the trend because exercise gives you endorphins. And endorphins make you happy. (And happy people don't shoot their husbands.)

In the morning I'm usually fresh - the day/life/work/kids/stress hasn't given me tired head yet. At first my muscles are slow and heavy, but that goes away after just a few minutes. Then I get my sweat on, which makes me feel like I did something. And the best part, I don't go to bed guilty about not working out. That's a good feeling, because the later it gets in the day, the more likely you'll just skip your workout. Maybe work was stressful or you forget that you don't have an ingredient for dinner or your kids are sick. Excuse, excuse, excuse. And it's so easy to skip a day, then skip a couple of days, then it's been a week. Then two weeks. And so on. Been there, done that. 

So now I'm crushin' it. Let's get real, I need to crush something. Mama's gained a few ell bee's ifyaknowwhatimean. 

Monday, July 11, 2016

Girls can do stuff

Dang, y'all. I'm not kidding when I say we've spent every spare minute we have fixing up my husfriend's house to sell it. Just about every week night we've been drywalling, painting, cleaning, yard working, fixing wood, etc. Weekends too. I love when life is a workout, but girl I'm tired. And I miss running.

I love how handy my husfriend is, though. I mean, dayum. Yeah, you fix that AC/chimney/wood stuff. You go on witcho bad self. 

Fingers crossed it will all be over on Thursday and we'll have free time and fewer mortgages. What is that even like, I can't remember. When I'm overwhelmed I like to make pros and cons lists and then turn my cons into pros somehow because it forces me to look at the bright side.


1. I learned a lot. I know that you can cut sheet rock with a rasor blade and what poison ivy looks like. Also that I can survive being 8 rungs up a ladder when a wasp flies into my airspace. 

2. I refined my caulk skills. I prefer the dark caulk, but I can handle with the white caulk too.

3. My arms are definitely more swole. Probably from carrying an 80lb ladder all over the gat damn place. Or maybe my daily push-up party with my coworker. Probably both.

4. I think I have an awkward tan? Snaps for being a shade darker than translucent. 

5. My spawn has seen me do hard work. That's important. He's seen me lift heavy things and do work along with my husfriend with tools and dirt. Girls are strong in and out of the kitchen. Men too. Never mind when there are bugs around. We all have our limits.


1. We have spent so. much. time. working on a house I never even lived in. But I was promised a massage when it's all over, so I'm pretty stoked about cashing in on that. I wonder if he'll spring for a mani/pedi, too. And maybe some new shoes. And a motorcycle. Too much?

2. MONEY. It's not as expensive fixing things on your own as opposed to paying someone, but it still costs some doll hairs, especially when you don't have the right tool for the job. But we'll probably make this money back when it finally sells, right? It's an investment. Plus, now we have an air compressor. And a table saw. Yay.

3. We still have to organize our house from all the shiz we've brought over from his. But whatever, I love organizing. I can't wait to spend all the money he makes selling the house on new furniture to organize his stuff. #wife

4. We're behind on house stuff in general. Our pool has a beautiful green tint and laundry, vacuuming and general house cleaning hasn't happened in a minute. I can't remember the last time I had a solid grocery store trip where I bought all the healthy things like fresh fruits and vegetables. This is all very temporary and short term, though. Once the house sells and we're not busting our asses fixing it up, we'll be able to shift focus back to our house and meal planning. 

5. It hasn't sold yet. I won't breathe easy until the papers are signed. Fingers crossed and think happy thoughts, y'all.

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

DIY all day

How was your long weekend? Good? Cool. I spent mine fixing drywall, painting a chimney and waiting patiently while an 8 year old tested my whistling capabilities. The good news is that now I know how to repair drywall and paint a chimney. Plus, we saved ALL the doll hairs by doing it ourselves. The only bad news is all the time this house has sucked out of us. I think we're both maxed out.

That's MY section.
My precious.

The girl wanted me to help her find her cat. She did a little sing-song whistle, teeth click melody and then asked if I could whistle. I said yes. She said do it. I said no. 

Listen, you little shit. I told you I can do the whistle, that means I can do the whistle. RESPECK YOUR ELDERS AND FUCK OFF. Mama's been working outside all day and I'm tired.

Turns out I'm the crotchety old man from Up. She found the cat. It was running away from her and her sister.

Back to the house. I'm referring, of course, to my husfriend's house before the greatest thing in his life happened to him. Shacking up with a rando he met online. Meeting me, duh. It's for sale and we even have a buyer, so fangers crossed it all goes well and we close when we're supposed to and remove it from our overly full plate. 

One of the things I love about my husfriend is he knows how to do shit. He just knows. How do you fix the thing? Oh, well you get the special goop and the scraper and the specific wood and the specific nails and the tape with the weird mesh stuff, then you put the stuff and hammer the things and MAGIC, it's fixed and perfect, of course. Duh. How do you add a thing to the thing? Well, you hold the wires and do a backflip on the ceiling joist while shaking maracas and then BOOM you have a new light fixture that dims. Obviously.

Friday, July 1, 2016

Classy cakes

It's officially July, which means it's my birthday month. (Cue the trumpeteers and confetti canons!) Not just ANY birthday month, but my thirtieth birthday month (eff trumpeteers, bring booze and pizza). I'm pretty sure it's my turn to receive a homemade cake, and I'm PUMPED about what the kids and husfriend come up with. (10 bucks it's a dick.) I mean, I make cakes for every single one of their birthdays every year.

The cakes we made last week, yeah we - my husfriend totally helps - were both, ermm, doody themed. Because we're gross. Also hilarious.

The girl of the bunch told us she wanted rainbows and unicorns, so we gave her exactly that, because what do we all know about unicorns?

Yep. They poop rainbows.

Taste the rainbow.

We made the cake itself all rainbow swirly too. It's like a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper on the inside. It's a regular cake with buttercream icing and the rainbow colors filled in with icing too, then we added the skittles on top. Fact: you need regular skittles and the ones in the green bag, because blue. We halved some skittles to create the 3D effect on the toot bridge, which was a small piece of plastic coated in fondant. The unicorn is all fondant and my husfriend sculpted the face and, *whispers*, butthole, which both turned out SO GREAT that now he's my official cake sculptor. 

I mean, that face.

When a man can sculpt a unicorn arse, that's when you know he's a keeper.

The unicorn cake was at the beginning of the week, then at the end we celebrated the 13 year old's birthday. When your family is like mine, you celebrate holidays when you're together, not necessarily on the exact day. We took the crew out for sushi, because obviously taking 5 kids to a revolving sushi bar is a good idea and not chaotic at all, but not before we enjoyed dessert first.

Best turd I've ever eaten, hands down.

Simple. No frills. Just a big ol' poopcake. Don't even worry about it, this is a totally normal sort of thing to make. Stop looking at me like that, Carol. 

We made it by using the top part of the Wilton giant cupcake pan on a regular 9" round cake. We carved out the tail and sculpted the whole thing with chocolate icing. Not too shabby, amiright?

They both got a kick out of their cakes, along with the whole rest of the crew, and that's what counts. Happy Friday and happy July! Who else is pre-ordering Harry Potter and the Cursed Child? Just me? Whatever. 

Wednesday, June 29, 2016


I would suggest a staycation, y'all. I love the beach and I love traveling, but we had just as much fun doing stuff around here and we saved a shit ton of money on a hotel. I mean, there are 7 of us. That ain't no $69 hotel room, nawmsayin?

We spun a wheel each morning to decide our destiny for the day, The kids got a kick out of it and now mama's gonna use it to decide who does which chores. Everybody wins. Not really. I win. Just me.

I'm all about that Prime life

The kids all unanimously voted that putt-putt was their least favorite both because it was so hot and we're all assholes that don't like to wait patiently for our turn. They all had fun playing the video games at the place though - our youngest is like a savant at ticket games. He won like 2000 tickets without even trying. Helloooo shitty prize booth. They all liked go-karts there too, and I think they especially liked watching me curse out the asshat that smashed into my go-kart full speed from behind. My kid was with me in the passenger seat and I went full-on mama bear on this little shit. Naw gurl, I can't let you recklessly putting my kid's life in danger slide. 

They all liked the water park and six flags so much that they passed out in the car in the way home. It was fun taking them to do things they either haven't ever done or haven't done in a long time, then coming home to sleep in our own beds. We swam every day and didn't stress any kinda way about food or planning or anything. We ate out a lot and not doing dishes after every meal was so rad. Plus, one of the best things in life is when someone else cooks for you, amiright?

It's been hard getting back to normal these past couple of days. I have to set an alarm? I have to go to sleep at a reasonable hour? Ew. I'd like to time travel back to last week and stay in it, please and thank you.

Friday, June 17, 2016

Everybody likes free downloads

Coming up ASAP, like as in this weekend, we have a 9 year old's birthday celebration, Father's Day and prep for our staycation next week. I've been doing ALL the creative things. I can't wait to show y'all the cake I'm making. And the silly/awesome Father's Day stuff. I can't show you now because my husfriend reads this blog (supportive AF, points), so maybe I'll snap it. First I prob need to get better at snapchat. I'm nerkymeg, obvi, so come find me! And maybe also teach me how to use it without looking like a fool. Is that even possible? Kthx.

I made my dad a Father's Day card because buying cards isn't my style. It's basically like childhood, except I traded in crayons and shitty stick figure family drawings for computer programs and free downloadable fonts. 

He's proud of my humility. 

I'm gonna put lottery tickets and scratchers in it, because lucky. Get it?? LUCKY. Ha! If you'd like to give this card to your dad, you can download it for free here. Tell him Meghan says hi.

Y'all, I'm pumped about my staycation. As much as I'd love to have my toes in the water and ass in the sand, and I really really would, we did that last year and the beaches in Texas are just okay. We figured we can do things around Dallas that we never get to do, like go to a water park, Rangers game, day drink in the pool, etc. I'm mostly excited about not setting an alarm clock for a whole week, mama's tired.