Wednesday, June 29, 2016


I would suggest a staycation, y'all. I love the beach and I love traveling, but we had just as much fun doing stuff around here and we saved a shit ton of money on a hotel. I mean, there are 7 of us. That ain't no $69 hotel room, nawmsayin?

We spun a wheel each morning to decide our destiny for the day, The kids got a kick out of it and now mama's gonna use it to decide who does which chores. Everybody wins. Not really. I win. Just me.

I'm all about that Prime life

The kids all unanimously voted that putt-putt was their least favorite both because it was so hot and we're all assholes that don't like to wait patiently for our turn. They all had fun playing the video games at the place though - our youngest is like a savant at ticket games. He won like 2000 tickets without even trying. Helloooo shitty prize booth. They all liked go-karts there too, and I think they especially liked watching me curse out the asshat that smashed into my go-kart full speed from behind. My kid was with me in the passenger seat and I went full-on mama bear on this little shit. Naw gurl, I can't let you recklessly putting my kid's life in danger slide. 

They all liked the water park and six flags so much that they passed out in the car in the way home. It was fun taking them to do things they either haven't ever done or haven't done in a long time, then coming home to sleep in our own beds. We swam every day and didn't stress any kinda way about food or planning or anything. We ate out a lot and not doing dishes after every meal was so rad. Plus, one of the best things in life is when someone else cooks for you, amiright?

It's been hard getting back to normal these past couple of days. I have to set an alarm? I have to go to sleep at a reasonable hour? Ew. I'd like to time travel back to last week and stay in it, please and thank you.

Friday, June 17, 2016

Everybody likes free downloads

Coming up ASAP, like as in this weekend, we have a 9 year old's birthday celebration, Father's Day and prep for our staycation next week. I've been doing ALL the creative things. I can't wait to show y'all the cake I'm making. And the silly/awesome Father's Day stuff. I can't show you now because my husfriend reads this blog (supportive AF, points), so maybe I'll snap it. First I prob need to get better at snapchat. I'm nerkymeg, obvi, so come find me! And maybe also teach me how to use it without looking like a fool. Is that even possible? Kthx.

I made my dad a Father's Day card because buying cards isn't my style. It's basically like childhood, except I traded in crayons and shitty stick figure family drawings for computer programs and free downloadable fonts. 

He's proud of my humility. 

I'm gonna put lottery tickets and scratchers in it, because lucky. Get it?? LUCKY. Ha! If you'd like to give this card to your dad, you can download it for free here. Tell him Meghan says hi.

Y'all, I'm pumped about my staycation. As much as I'd love to have my toes in the water and ass in the sand, and I really really would, we did that last year and the beaches in Texas are just okay. We figured we can do things around Dallas that we never get to do, like go to a water park, Rangers game, day drink in the pool, etc. I'm mostly excited about not setting an alarm clock for a whole week, mama's tired.

Monday, June 13, 2016

Foam rolling

Out of the 10 business days in the past two weeks, I have successfully awoken to workout before work exactly one time. 

So yeah, I'm basically crushing this.

I just. I mean. 5:30 is so. goddamn. early. I could do a 7am workout. I would be so far down with that. But 5:30? I'm just never gonna be on that level. Not while I have kids to chauffeur, an 8-5 job and meals to cook. Basically I need a driver, nanny, sugar daddy and a cook, and at that point I wouldn't have to squeeze in a workout at 5:30am anyway. I could just pay people to workout for me. Problem solved, solution found.

That doesn't mean I haven't exercised at all. I've been running a lot despite my asshole knee. I mean it's not actually an asshole, thank goodness. But it's an asshole, ya know? I have to train differently now than I did pre-surgery. I still have a torn meniscus that rears it's ugly head when I push it too far like a teenager when you change the wifi password. I have some dank scar tissue from where they cut into me that honestly hurts more than the torn meniscus. So I don't push myself as hard because I don't want to risk further injury, and frankly it hurts a bunch and I don't like that. I would rather it hurt less, so I push less. (Aw, look at all these good decisions.)

So to help with the residual pain, I've found that foam rolling is SO AWESOME and SO TERRIBLE all at once like a sonic slush during happy hour on a hot summer day because YASSSS half price lemonberry, but SHITGODDAMNMOTHERFUCKBRAINFREEZE.

Foam rolling hurts so bad, y'all. I'm not gonna say it hurts so good like a workout, because no. It legit hurts so bad. I know there are people out there claiming that foam rolling doesn't work. That's fine, but when I foam roll my knee scar immediately after running, my knee pain the next day is maybe a 3/10. Without foam rolling it would be a solid 6/10, maybe up to an 8 if I ran uphill. So yeah, it's a little more painful than I'd like for a few minutes, but it saves me a lot of pain in the long run. Like having that awkward conversation with someone that smells weird. Send your cube neighbor straight to the drug store to pick up some Secret Clinical Strength and maybe some body splash, stat. Be the foam roller of your life. You're welcome.

Really all I do is roll back and forth over the incision scar for a few minutes. Y'all, it hurts just to touch this scar, so imagine mashing it with most of my body weight. Brings a little tear to my eye, not even gonna lie to ya. Then I roll my quad, hammie and calf just a little bit to help with circulation. Seems to help.

All in an effort to avoid a third knee surgery. Ain't nobody got time fo dat.

Friday, June 3, 2016

5:30 is just so early

I have no power against my snuggly spawn. It's like the universe knows and uses everything against me.


On Monday I had such a good run. I didn't have to go to work and the kids didn't have school, so there was none of the daily grind to get you down. It was like 3ish miles at a decent pace considering I'm out of shape - around a 10 minute mile. I was sweaty, burned like a zillion calories and it felt awesome, even the next 3 days when I was aching from it, because I KNEW I nailed it. So after the run I told myself I was gonna wake up early and go for a 2-3 mile jog in the mornings before work/school/life. I miss running regularly.

I mean, I had good intentions. 

So Tuesday rolls around and I totally bail. Like I hear my alarm go off and throw my phone across the room. But we all deserve a second chance. Tuesday night I say I'm gonna run to make up for it and then decide nawwww because I don't want to be too sore for my 5:30am wake up call.

Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

So Wednesday happens and I hear my alarm. I look at my phone. I know I have to get up. I say fie mo' minutes and then an hour later Taylor Swift is all yelling at me to shake it off. Shit. 

Wednesday night I make a point to tell my kid I'm gonna exercise so that will make me actually do it, because I don't want him to see that mommy is a big fat liar. And then I say noooo, because I don't want to be too sore in the morning because I REALLY WILL wake up and run. I WILL.

Is it hot in here, or is that just my pants on fire?

So here's the thing. Thursday morning I really did wake up. I was wide awake at 5:30, psyching myself up to get up, and then guess who comes sleepily shuffling into my room? Yep, it was a rare sighting of the cuddlyspawn, only making an appearance when half asleep or sick. He climbed up in my bed and threw his arm around my neck before drifting right back to sleep.

I mean, you guys. I can't even compete with that, I'll lose every time. So even though I was wide awake, I laid there with my spawn's arm around my neck and my husfriend's arm around my waist. I may be a lil thicker than I'd like, but I'm loved AF. These excuses are so cute though.

So now it's Thursday night and I'm writing this post. Will I wake up tomorrow to run before work? YAS. YAS I WILL.


You'll have to find out for sure on Instagram.

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Throwback Tuesday

All weekends should be three-day weekends. I had the most satisfying organization experience this weekend. Three things:

1. I did all of my laundry. All of it. Even the things I was wearing while I was washing the first round. Literally all of my clothes are clean now, and here's the real triumph, it's also all put away. It's all about celebrating every victory. Usually I'll do laundry on Sunday and then leave it in the basket for a week or two, til I either put everything away at once, or decide it's too wrinkly to wear, so I wash it again.


2. Okay the second thing, I organized all the apps on my phone. Yep. They were all spread across like 5 pages, some in folders, some livin' that no-strings-attached life. I didn't go so far as to clean out my email folder, still sitting pretty at around 16,000 unread emails, but all of my apps are now in appropriate folders. Baby steps. It will only be a bitch and a half to find everything for a little white, right? That's what I'm telling myself.

3. And the third thing, it's a big one, I sorted through all of my pictures on my old laptop, which I had had since 2006, organized them into folders, backed it all up and put them on my newer laptop. (The one I've had for 6 months. Yeah.) Same with iTunes. It was a pain right in the ass, but I did dig up some gems that I had forgotten about. It mostly pictures of my kid eating, sleeping, laughing or bathing with some old chubby pics and some more recent, but still old, skinny/fit pics, both of which are making me evaluate my current life choices.

He was brand new. Like 6 weeks old or something.
Sleeping, as previously mentioned.
Me? Chubby, tryna grow out that fug haircut.
Smiley though, because baby.

Fast forward to his second birthday party.
Tryna do all the things at his party, like a mom.
The party I threw together at the last minute.
Because I had ACL survery 2 weeks prior.

He used to eat whatever I put in front of him with no argument.
What a blissful time.


This is a selfie I sent to my husfriend when we were dating.
I need my face to be that lean again. Thin? Defined? Whatever, I have a layer I need GONE.

I used to do so many fun races.
We were Team Cap for this 5k.

My frands are so pretty. 
No homo.
I think this was at one of the kid's birthday parties, but I can't remember.

Slightly more toned, slightly fewer responsibilities.
BRB I'm gonna go do some crunches.
I mean, look how flat that stomach is?!

After 2 ACL surgeries, with residual pain and a torn meniscus, I still did a tri.
Several, in fact.
I need to find that drive and motivation I used to have.
It's probably in the same place as my sense of purpose.
(Well that got dark.)

This picture is fairly recent, I just like it.
I mean look how crazy sexy cool he looks.
But still Star Wars nerdy.
I dig it.

So my organizational weekend not only made me feel more like I have my shit together, but it also kicked my ass into gear by making me feel like my shit is all over the place re: fitness. Nothing like seeing pictures of how you used to look to get you motivated, both the chunky ones and the super fit ones. And this, kids, is why selfies are A-OK in my book.

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Whoopsie daisies

Do you ever think to yourself, goddamn I'm dumb sometimes, why did they give me a degree? How am I even allowed to adult without supervision, much less regularly operate a motor vehicle?

I'm pretty sure I don't know how a 4 way stop is actually supposed to work. I'm probably the one everyone hates for going out of turn. I'm sorry.

Literally every time I send a meeting request from Outlook for work, I fuck it up in some way or another. One time all I did was delete an unsent request from my calendar, which effectively notified everyone on the list of a conference cancellation, for which the original invite had never been sent, nor had the conference even been announced. Cool. Real smooth. I revised my resume to say "proficient in MS Office with the exception of Outlook, at which I am a total dipshit".

I dropped scissors pointy side down while barefoot on Monday. That was 2.5 seconds of shear terror. (See what I did there? Shear?)

I once poured beer into hot oil. I do not recommend this. It exploded, because science. I didn't get the deposit back on that apartment.

I used the wrong "there" in an email at work. It was the single most heart-sinking realization I've had at work when I noticed it after it had already been sent.

My point is, I'm a well-educated straight A honor roll honors society college degree'd mofo, and also a total fuckup. It's called balance.

And that's okay. Mistakes make us human and brain farts make life interesting.

Tell me a totally dumb thing you've done in the comments! We can all be human today together.

Monday, May 23, 2016

In the kitchen

Mawwidge is what bwings us togevvah. 

Y'all I've been living marriage part deux for about 6 months now, and can I just say that I'm still struggling to find a workout routine? (#strugglebus) Maybe lack of routine is my new routine. The new normal does not include meal prep like I'm used to, but I do plan our dinners out on a handy-dandy dry erase board in the kitchen. And I make sandwiches for the week on Sunday for the kids' lunches and freeze them. It's the most genius thing a family friend taught me, partly because you get it all done at once so you're not stuck making sandwiches every night, and partly because the frozen sandwich acts as the ice pack in their lunch boxes. And it thaws by lunch time into a perfectly normal sandwich. It's the best.

Sandwich game, efficient AF. 

This is a very grown up thing to be excited about. 

Let's not pretend this is all about mature life hacks. Did I tell you about the "I see a cat" kid? I didn't. We have new neighbors, and we had the pleasure of meeting one of their kids when she visited our house on a door-to-door mission to sell "posters". Obviously I had to see them, and at that point I would have felt like a grade A dillhole if I didn't buy one, so I chose the best one and forked over $.50. Ever since then, "I see a cat" has been the anchor of our fridge art display, because sure.

The next one is a page from the Sweary Book adult coloring book, which is a truly fantastic thing. You need to get it or print the free pages by joining the newsletter. It's the prettiest motherfucker in the kitchen.

And then there's my belated Mother's Day gift from the only girl. Being a stepmom is weird and cool and I don't care that she spelled my name wrong or that the vase is crying blood tears, because she made me an actual poster, dammit. Plus she thinks I'm rad, so maybe I'll be the cool stepmom that buys her her first bottle of mango rum or something. So, whatever. Maybe it's fine that meal prepping doesn't happen as much anymore. I mean, there are a lot of kids to take care of now. I'll just keep rollin' with the punches and running/biking/swimming when I can. 


Also, this is what my dog looks like after a bath and it's so cute and pathetic that I can't keep it all to myself. You're welcome.