Friday, October 31, 2014

Frisky Friday (sort of) but mostly, we have a winner!

Just real quick, I'd like to congratulate Leslie M. on Winning the Younique 3D Fiber Lashes giveaway! Leslie, please email me your address. You're gonna love it! Bummed about not winning? Before you do anything drastic, don't forget that you have until tomorrow to buy it as part of my party: Click here for the magic. (<--That's a link to my virtual party.) It really is awesome!

Halloween is one of my favorite times of year. Do you love dressing up as slutty as possible on the one day of the year it's encouraged? Of course you do. How else would everyone know you're DTF?

Listen, I'm not talking the boring ol' skimpy lingerie plus angel wings or devil horns. That's been done. Corset and cat ears? Anything with cat ears? Ehhhhh. Old news. We need something a little more unique. The competition is fierce at the Halloween ragers I frequent, so you gotta keep it fresh. Don't worry, though. After much searching I found the perfect costume:


It's topical. 
It shows a lot of skin, so it's clearly ironic and risqué. 
It's definitely not insensitive. 
Or too soon. 
Or the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.
It's perfect.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Here we go again.

Nobody thought it. I finished the Tough Mudder. The next day I walked around The State Fair of Texas for a few hours. I mean, it hurt and it was swollen, but come on. The Tough Mudder was tough. It's par for the course to be in a little bit of pain the next day.

Fast forward 2 weeks of RICE-ing. Rest. Ice. Compression. Elevation. This isn't my first rodeo, I know the rules. I give running a go and I can't. I just...can't. I hobbled about a quarter mile and then had to walk home. Every strike against the pavement felt like I was being stabbed with Michonne's katana, and my leg felt unstable under my weight. I was discouraged. This was when I thought, oh shit maybe I really hurt myself. I called the doc on Monday and make an appointment for Thursday, the soonest he was available. After x-raying, he scheduled an MRI immediately and then I had to wait an entire weekend to get the results, not before they called me in urgently on Saturday morning for additional imaging. Monday I got the report, but it has a lot of medical words and dammit Jim, I'm a blogger not a doctor. One thing stood out to me in the second bullet point though. Shit.

So I stressed. I was all nerves for the rest of the day until my appointment on Tuesday. Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit. But it could still just be a torn cartilage, right? Maybe the radiologist read the images wrong. I walked in to the doctor thinking it's, worst case, a torn meniscus, and best case, I'm just being a whiny little betch. I wasn't even allowing the other thing to enter my mind. I couldn't. I guess I was in the denial phase.

They were running on time, thank the lawd because I couldn't take another minute. The medical assistant, who is this awesome athlete by the way, took me back and gave me some wicked hot paper shorts to put on under my dress and then I waited for the doc. He came in, did one more examination, testing the limits and range of motion and then asks me to sit up. And then he said it. "You've re-torn your ACL."

FUCK. 

Not again. Not when it's only been a year since the last time. FUCK. I asked what the odds are that it's not torn and it could be something else? Zero. Shit. Can I fix it without surgery, could it just heal up? Unfortunately not if I want to continue being active.

So here we go again. ACL surgery part deux on November 7. At least I'll get to go trick-or-treating with my kiddo in his hilariously awesome costume this weekend before being down for the count. And maybe I'll get a pedicure so at least my toes look nice sticking out of that monster leg brace. Do leg braces come in magenta? Maybe I should look into investing in a pretty one if this is going to be an annual event.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Hi, I'm an adult.

I didn't truly feel like an adult until I got divorced. It was the moment I had to go to court and stand in front of the judge and explain my (our) plan for custody arrangement for my son. I stood there nervous AF because he blatantly questioned whether or not it was a good idea. I remember wondering if I should remind him that it was my son we were talking about. I didn't, but back off brosef. I got this. 

By this point, I had done many "adult" things. Some obvious, like buying a car and a house, getting married, having a kid, and some not-so-obvious but still noteworthy like the first time I created a monthly budget or the moment I decided that I might be a scotche too old to wear neon. I still never felt like a real-life grown up. Maybe it's because my dad was always a phone call away to fix it for me or help me, but he couldn't fix my marriage. I had to handle that all by myself.

Since getting divorced, I've done a handful of questionable not-so-adult things, like that time in Vegas (maybe I'll write about it in the book, it really is a great story) and even more adult things like buy another place of my very own, pay my bills, and create a healthy lifestyle. Most recently, I added another check mark to my grownup bucket list - I opened a P.O. Box. Now you can send me stuff! Ya know, just if you want to. Honestly, the handful of times I've given out my home address for people to send me things has made me super uncomfortable. I either reluctantly gave it out or I just didn't respond to your email (sorry for being an awkward turtle). I know most people out there aren't creepers, but it only takes one. I gotta think about my kid and his safety lest that divorce judge give me a smug "I told you so" side eye. Here it is:


With my first package.
(Heh, package.)

You can address it to "Meg(h)an" spelled however you want, Nerky Meg, Nerky, or Literally The Worst and it will probably get to me. Probably. Please send me Harry Potter himself. Or dragon eggs. Or Princess Leia's gold bikini. Or some Kryptonite. Don't let me down, guys. Also, please only send chevron envelopes. Thems the rules.

P.S. Don't forget to enter my Younique 3D Fiber Lash Mascara giveaway! Only 3 days left!

Thursday, October 23, 2014

How to Girl and a GIVEAWAY!

As a kid I was a nerdy tomboy pretty much to the maximum power. I had a velcro Ninja Turtles wallet (that I kept pogs and my Babysitter's Club membership card in), and I didn't wear makeup until my friends took pity/forced it on me. Now as an adult I wear makeup daily and I wish I still had that TMNT wallet. (Being a grownup is lame sometimes.) Here's the thing, ain't nobody got time to waste in the morning, and I'm not about to wake up any earlier than absolutely necessary. I like to make it quick and dirty - I've got my makeup routine down to 5 minutes start to finish now. I have to keep it quick and easy to keep up the guise that I'm totally low maintenance and easy going. (The jig is up!)

Have you heard of Younique 3D fiber lashes? I've seen before and after lash pictures all over the interwebs and been invited to virtual parties, but I just dismissed it as something beyond my level of makeupness until my new friend Jess emailed me. Y'all. Y'ALL. Okay. I'll admit I was a little curious. I know a lot of people are in that boat, so just have a looksee:


The top picture is regular eye makeup, including my drug store mascara.
The bottom picture is only Younique 3D Fiber Lashes. No other makeup.
What kind of sorcery is this.

It's safe to say I'm a fan. It doesn't take any longer than applying my regular mascara and look at how much more volume. LOOK AT. My lashes aren't clumpy or rigid, they're soft like freshly laundered linens. And it's SO EASY. I didn't even curl my lashes first as advised because I'm a muhfuggin' rebel, nor did I need to use a lash brush because see previous statement about it being SO EASY. There's a slight learning curve with using the fibers as opposed to a typical gel mascara, but if I can pick it up easily, then anyone can. For real. I don't do difficult makeup, it's why I've never applied lip liner. 

So here's the fun part - do you want to try it? Enter to win below for your very own FREE Younique 3D Fiber Lashes! Don't want to wait? Visit Younique 3D Lashes by Jess to buy it and see for yourself! Check out the other makeup, too. I've heard it's the tits. 

EDIT: Also, join the Facebook Event to see more posts and information from Jess (and for an easy entry into the giveaway) and if you comment here with a question, be sure to check back to see Jess's answers!

Good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

I fixed it

I saw this post on Facebook and I can't help but point out the glaring fallacy:


FINALLY a use for COFFEE? I think we can all appreciate the usefulness of coffee apart from jogging our memories on the value of first seven digits of pi. How about the intended use of coffee, like keeping us all from killing each other in our sleep-deprived, over-worked state. Coffee is basically the entire reason World War 3 hasn't happened yet. Well, coffee and puppies.

But why stop at 7 digits of pi? Coffee is better than that. Coffee can get you at least 10 digits without even trying. "May I have a large container of coffee beans and ground yummy espresso?" Boom, turnt up to eleven.

(EDIT: Because I can't count, I fixed it again. I fixed the fix. Maybe I should have had some coffee before writing the post, it probably would have fixed itself. That's just the power of coffee, fixing things and preventing war.)

But we can even do better than that after all coffee has done for us. Let's try again. "May I have a large container of coffee beans and ground yummy espresso? Typically, morning amplifies sad or mad feelings. With coffee in coffee mugs, you can blastoff out of slumber." Just remember these 3 easy lines and you can recall the first twenty nine digits of pi. WHAT NOW, BETCH. 

Hey, you know what goes great with coffee? Pie.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Frisky Friday: When is it okay?

It's been a long time since I've been in the beginning stages of a relationship, and with it comes certain benefits. (Eyebrow waggle.) For one, we still like each other. It's nice to have someone to do stuff with, like when I need a plus one for brunch. (Because I'm a career-minded twenty-something that totally brunches now.) It's also nice to have someone to text all day and bounce ideas and silly stories off of. Of course I have friends for that, but it's a different dynamic. The thing is, at what point can you ask certain questions? We've established that we are, in fact, a thing, as in exclusively dating each other, sooooo when can I ask for his HBO Go login?

I mean, Game of Thrones, right?

Is it a certain amount of time that passes or number of dates? And at what point is asking for his wifi password when I'm at his place okay? It's just that I could Instagram my meals so. much. faster. This guy has already cleaned up my kid's vom, so surely we're at the point when connecting to each other's wifi isn't weird. (Not even a euphemism.)


These are real first world issues, guys.

Monday, October 13, 2014

It's been over a week

since I've been to the gym. I hurt my knee in the Tough Mudder, and I'm going to listen to my body and rest (for once) until it stops aching and the swelling goes away. I'm afraid it's FUBAR since I didn't let it heal right after surgery, so now I'm just walking on eggshells trying not to make it worse. Aside from my knee hurting, it's been preeeeeetty rad, not even gonna lie. Turns out I needed a physical AND mental break. While it's been nice not having to pack my gym bag every day, remember my pre-workout or have double the laundry, I am stoked to get back to it. Gotta get swole, bro. Actually it's more like, gotta lean out, bro. I'm starting to miss it as part of my routine.


Because I didn't have to worry about hitting the gym yesterday and my kiddo was at his dad's house, I had plenty of time to get all of my housework done, answer emails and I even baked a cheesecake in the likeness of George Lucas. And by that, I mean I accidentally wasted my entire afternoon watching Breaking Dawn part 1 from start to finish on tv, commercials and all. I don't know how it happened. One minute I'm roasting sriracha lime pumpkin seeds (SO GOOD) and the next I'm parked on the couch watching Bella's RIJSF (resting I just sharted face) for like 3 hours. It's embarrassing and I am ashamed. And once it was over? I watched the second half of The Devil Wears Prada with commercials. This is a movie I own. What the actual fuck. (Sidenote: I love Emily Blunt's character.)

Anyway, my point is it's been over a week since I've worked out and my size 4s still fit. Slowly I'm learning that I won't balloon back up to 200 pounds if I miss a gym sesh, not that I want to make it a habit. These abs aren't gonna grow themselves.

My other point is I just recently got cable after not having it for years and years and clearly I need to reevaluate my life choices. The Walking Dead tho, amiright?