How to trick people into thinking you're a professional Baketress: Part 1

Hey, speaking of losing weight, here's a recipe for sugar cookies!

Y'all, I'm gonna be honest, this is my ace in the hole gift for people. Peeps be lovin' dem cookies. Who doesn't like cute food? Terrorists, that's who.

The stars at night are big and bright clap clap clap clap deep in the hearrrrrt of Texas

This post is part 1 of 3, which will be: cookie recipe, icing recipe, and decorating.

Part 1: My go-to sugar cookie recipe. Guard this with your life. And by that, I mean tell all of your friends! For your pinning pleasure:

First of all, you want cookies that will hold their shape when using cookie cutters, and cookies that aren't too sweet on their own because the icing will provide all of the sweetness you need. Those bagged cookie mixes or the tubes in the cold section of the store won't work for this, but it's not hard to make them from scratch. I mean, other than obtaining lacewing flies.

Los Ingredientes: (I spent a Summer in Spain, so I'm pretty cultured and shit.)

1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
1 egg
1/2 teaspoon vanilla (I use the kind from Mexico, but it's not required)
1/2 teaspoon almond extract (fact: this is my favorite smell in the world)
3 cups flour
1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt (fact: you put salt in recipes to bring out other flavors. That's why some people put salt on watermelon and/or peaches (the more you know).)

Action Shot!

Mix butter and sugar in your mixer. Once combined, add egg, vanilla, and almond extract. In a separate bowl mix flour, baking powder, and salt. Gradually add dry mixture to mixing bowl. Mix until blended, and BAMCOOKIES.

Bake at 350 for 9 minutes.

Oh, and be sure to mess up your recipe that you plan to blog about. That's key.
It shouldn't look all crumbly like that. I must have mis-measured my flour and added too much because I was so caught up in Live Free or Die Hard on tv. 

Yipee-ki-yay, motherfucker.

If it looks like the above picture, add water by the tablespoon until it looks more like cookie dough. I added 2-3. Likewise, if it looks too runny, add flour a little bit at a time.

Pro tip: To avoid a HUGE MESS and your cookies being too flour-y, roll out your dough between 2 pieces of wax paper. I do it in 3 sections that look like this:

Then put it in the fridge anywhere from a few minutes to overnight. The goal is for the dough to harden enough so that it's easy to cut with cookie cutters.

Put it in your fridge above the questionable-leftovers tupperware and below the butter. Please rearrange your fridge accordingly.

Cut those mofos out:
OMG so easy now. Thanks wax paper! Thanks fridge!

Pro tip: Put parchment paper on your cookie sheets for ease of removal of cookies after you take them out of the oven. This is especially important if your cookies have fragile and/or skinny parts. Like pokey flowers or dragonflies or whatev.

Fast forward 9 minutes at 350 in the oven:

Let cool on a baking rack and prepare yourself for a royal icing adventure.

Until tomorrow...


  1. Aaaaaaand now I am SURE we should be friends. I LOVE to bake. I used to make fondant cakes for peeps who actually paid me for it-I was always amazed at that. I sort of kind of retired from that though because one cake always took so long. Cookies are where it's at. LOVE it. I read all 3 parts. :)


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