First World Problems


I am in a piss-poor mood today. Somehow, overnight, my lovely little boy turned into a rabid maniac. I love him, but he was driving me batshit crazy this morning. Poor little dude is teething in his molars, and I'm sure it hurts real bad (somebody needs to make a universal "Napoleon Dynamite" font please), but does that mean you shred up an entire roll of toilet paper like a dog? NO. No it does not.

Anyway.

It's time for...Adventures in Single Life!

Grocery shopping on Friday night. Yesssssssss. He threw my list on the ground and it landed like this: 
Instagram @meghananaghan

There was no one in the aisle with me to witness it. Time slowed. It was a moment of sheer magic. I had to buy a lottery ticket.

And then I won the lottery.

Not really.

The next day he was with his dad so I got a day to myself. As much as I wanted to go out with some friends, I wanted to be by myself more. Introversion strikes! Eventually I got restless though, and I went to see Skyfall at the cheapies. On the way there I wound up here at a stop light:
but I didn't have any trash.

You can't make this shit up. I mean, seriously, how often do you have an apple core or half empty cup to throw away and some car with NO TRASH is blocking the community trash can? That was me yesterday, y'all. Then you have to do the slow drive by and try to gauge distance and speed and trajectory PHYSICS to get your trash from point A, your hand, to point B, the community trash can, as you drive by. Don't even lie, you've done that. If you made it into the trashcan, virtual high five! if you missed, you're just like the rest of us. Better luck next time, litterbug.

At the movies I wound up on a date with an older Hispanic man because I got there right when it started, and literally the only seat left was one of the two designated next to the big space for wheelchairs, and he was in the other one. At least he didn't ask me for a smooch. He was kind of hilarious because he reacted so thoroughly to everything that happened in the movie. 

In bigger and unrelated news, I ran ten motherfucking miles on Saturday.


I can't even describe how proud I am of myself. A little slower than normal, but I don't even care. This mamajama ran TEN MOTHERFUCKING MILES. I ran for two hours straight, y'all. No toe pain. Some knee pain, but I'm pretty sure it's tendinitis, so nothing too serious. A knee brace, therapeutic laser, and ice will take care of it, so no worries.

I just want to scream it at people. I RAN TEN MILES, BISHES!

Comments

  1. my dentist said the best cure for tooth pain is toilet paper shredding. Mylo and I must go to the same dentist.

    ReplyDelete

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