I almost died. Okay, not really.

My kid has made a full chicken pox recovery, just in time for me to come down with the plague.

When I'm sick, my tolerance for bullshit is very low. Like zero. Specifically, bitchy receptionists and pharmacy techs. We don't have to be best friends, but I'm 99% sure that I am not the reason you are so pissed off, so let's just be grown ups and get through this encounter as cordially as possible, mkay?

Also pesky pom pillow hogs. I love my dog, but I'm not down with his butthole being right in my face when I'm sick. Or ever.

If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

I lost over 5 pounds in 36 hours, y'all. If only it were always this easy. If by "easy", you understand that I mean "awful", that is. I had the flu and it turned into strep and it's just as glamorous as it sounds.

My lymph nodes were so swollen that it looked like I had tumors on either side of my neck. ("I...have nodes." Name the movie for 1000 bonus points.) My throat hurts so bad that I can't even swallow (that's what she said). I finally went to the doctor yesterday afternoon after admitting defeat, and because I don't have health insurance it was fuckmeintheass expensive. Hopefully the magic pills they gave me will heal my woes and be totally worth it.

I need a new job. One with benefits. Stat.

I'm totally one of those people that takes vitamins and looks for natural remedies for sickness. I'm one of those people right up until it becomes inconvenient or it takes too long. Then I'm all, vitamin c's ass, just pump me full of drugs so it stops hurting.

"I'm glad he's single, because I'm gonna climb that like a tree." 
Name the movie again.

So having said all of that, maybe going out drinking on Monday night wasn't the best decision I've ever made. Whatev, I'm hardcore like that. You know, because having half a beer and being home by 8:30 is totes hardcore. Totes.

Here's to the magic pills doing their job, which they seem to be doing since my fever is finally gone. I got shit to do, ain't nobody got time fo' dat!


  1. I seriously have to watch Bridesmaids every time I see it on... I hope you feel better soon!

    1. I totes do too. And I'm much better now, thanks!

  2. I'm with ya, the dog would have been pushed off the pillow in about 5 seconds. I hope your meds have kicked in and you're feeling better. Love the pic about WebMD. Too true.

    1. Thanks! I'm way better now. Probably shouldn't have waited so long to go to the doc like a chump.


Post a Comment