2:35:40 and the poor choices that led me here

I pounded donkey-punched handled finished completed the Big D. Half. With absolutely zero innuendo. My time was 2:35:40, which works out to be about 11:50 minute/mile. Not awesome, but hey, a mile is a mile, and I ran 13.1 of those motherfuckers all at once. I want to get faster so I'm not so embarrassingly slow compared to my new running friends so I can make myself better...for myself.

Sometimes life would be so much easier with a penis. I had to stop to pee (in the grossest portopotty I've ever seen in my life - it's possible that someone was blind and couldn't see that your shit is supposed to go in the giant hole) at the first chance I got - mile 3. I was totally about to squat behind a house. Fuckin' vaginas and their inconvenience.

It's hard to selfie when you're running. Whatev, proof I was there.

The night before the race you're supposed to eat a ton of carbs for energy. You are not supposed to follow it up with cheesecake and lots of wine and staying out til 1am.

I may have snoozed a few times.

barely made it on time to the race. I literally walked up and met everyone 5 minutes before it started. That's why I had to stop and pee during the race instead of before it. Who says getting 8 hours of sleep before a race is ideal? (Um, everyone ever.)

Last I checked, you're not supposed to go out drinking the night before a race, but I'm a rulebreaker. And shit, I ran 13.1 miles after doing so. I'm no scientist, but does that mean drinking is the new black? Methinks yes. 

And what do 4 Texas girls do after running?
Eat Messican food and drink expensive-ass margaritas, duh.
She should have told us they were $12 each.
They didn't taste like $12 margs.

At mile 7 I started to entertain the idea of doing a full marathon one day. Then at mile 11 I was all, fuck that noise. 13.1 is far enough and I'm definitely proud that I can run that far without walking at all, and like I said, I want to get faster. I need a sticker for my car, stat.

Mama Laughlin, Skinny Meg, Nerky Meg, April, and Jen.
We won the race.

I kinda do want to do a full one day. I mean, only kinda. 26.2 miles is a long damn way. Maybe a sprint triathlon (5k run, 20k bike, 750 meter swim) instead, or at least first.

All of that said, I need a massage, like right now. And someone to make my hips stop aching. A chiropractor maybe? Or some yoga? Or some bow chika bow wow? All of the things.


  1. Gooooooo NERKY!!! Seriously, JM is doin' a body good. :)

  2. Good job!! My goal is to run a mile without dying.

  3. i think some bow-chicka-bow-wow would be the opposite of helpful in this instance. but good jorb lady!

  4. Awesome job, lady! Not too shabby for agreeing to do this a couple weeks ago. Oh, and yikes on the $12 margaritas. I hope the glasses were rimmed in gold salt.

    I'm back at it with JM tonight! You know, now that I can actually breathe again.

  5. Great job!!! You should be SO proud of yourself!! I think thats an awesome time, nothing to be embarrassed about :)...and hey, had you not had to stop to pee you would have been a little faster!

  6. I want to do a Sprint Tri myself. Gotta work on the bike riding part, not sure I remember how! Great job!

  7. Just found your blog via Mama Laughlin and Skinny Meg. Great job on the run! I am VERY new at the whole exercise thing and am just committing to my first 5k in August. Thanks for the inspiration! You look GREAT! -Jen

  8. You did fantastic for signing up at the last minute, and partying like a rockstar the night before! Also, do NOT watch Spirit of the Marathon. It will make you want to do a marathon like it's nobody's business. I cried 3 times watching it. 3 TIMES. I don't cry about movies ever.

  9. Gooooo Nerkyyyyyy Nerk!! My husband is an excellent chiropractor....so come to TN & we'll hook you up! ;) Get that sticker & IG it! I want a sticker. I need to run more miles at one time before I get one though. Then I'll put a sticker on my car, on HIS car, on my mailbox, on my phone, on my kids' shirts.....everywhere.

  10. Your race sounds like mine this past weekend. Except, I had to use the bathroom at mile 8.5 and there was quite a line. And then I felt like I should stay with my friend because she waited for me at the port-o-potty. Well, then she had to walk. So at mile 10, I left her and at mile 11, I realized that I could run an 11 mile pace the rest of the race and break 2:30 but I was working off of 2 hours of sleep and a sore throat so instead, I threw in the towel and decided to walk/run the last two miles. Ended 6 min longer than you. Oh well. At least you can sympathize. And, I felt great afterward so it was totally worth not getting sick!


Post a Comment