2:35:40 and the poor choices that led me here
pounded donkey-punched handled finished completed the Big D. Half. With absolutely zero innuendo. My time was 2:35:40, which works out to be about 11:50 minute/mile. Not awesome, but hey, a mile is a mile, and I ran 13.1 of those motherfuckers all at once. I want to get faster so I'm not so embarrassingly slow compared to my new running friends so I can make myself better...for myself.
Sometimes life would be so much easier with a penis. I had to stop to pee (in the grossest portopotty I've ever seen in my life - it's possible that someone was blind and couldn't see that your shit is supposed to go in the giant hole) at the first chance I got - mile 3. I was totally about to squat behind a house. Fuckin' vaginas and their inconvenience.
It's hard to selfie when you're running. Whatev, proof I was there.
The night before the race you're supposed to eat a ton of carbs for energy. You are not supposed to follow it up with cheesecake and lots of wine and staying out til 1am.
I may have snoozed a few times.
I barely made it on time to the race. I literally walked up and met everyone 5 minutes before it started. That's why I had to stop and pee during the race instead of before it. Who says getting 8 hours of sleep before a race is ideal? (Um, everyone ever.)
Last I checked, you're not supposed to go out drinking the night before a race, but I'm a rulebreaker. And shit, I ran 13.1 miles after doing so. I'm no scientist, but does that mean drinking is the new black? Methinks yes.
And what do 4 Texas girls do after running?
Eat Messican food and drink expensive-ass margaritas, duh.
She should have told us they were $12 each.
They didn't taste like $12 margs.
At mile 7 I started to entertain the idea of doing a full marathon one day. Then at mile 11 I was all, fuck that noise. 13.1 is far enough and I'm definitely proud that I can run that far without walking at all, and like I said, I want to get faster. I need a sticker for my car, stat.
We won the race.
I kinda do want to do a full one day. I mean, only kinda. 26.2 miles is a long damn way. Maybe a sprint triathlon (5k run, 20k bike, 750 meter swim) instead, or at least first.
All of that said, I need a massage, like right now. And someone to make my hips stop aching. A chiropractor maybe? Or some yoga? Or some bow chika bow wow? All of the things.