Concrete - 1; Meg - 0

**This post has blood and guts in it. Well, maybe not guts. Definitely blood though. Just a little.

My shoes try to kill me on the reg. It's something I can't really complain about, since I still insist on wearing these deathtraps. In my defense, I'm 5'2", so they're almost necessary. How else am I supposed to reach shit? Friday, they took it a step too far. (I DO love a good pun.) I bit it HARD outside the grocery store.

The culprit.

The outcome. 
Can we take a moment to enjoy the irony of skinned knees due to hooker heels?

Things I've learned:

- Always wear underwear with dresses and skirts if heels or wind are involved.
- Wedges are NOT easier to walk in, so don't get over-confident. Those bitches bite back.
- It's not fair to call them hooker heels just because of their height. A hooker's willingness to accept money for sex is what makes her a hooker, not her shoes. They should be called shawty heels.

Allow me to sing you the song of my people.

 
The Stars are just like us!

There was nothing Jim could do.
By the way her mouth is shaped, you KNOW she's saying "Shit!"

I feel like Jennifer Lawrence and I could be bffs.

So fuck it, I'm still gonna wear 'em. And I'm still gonna eat shit because of them. In fact, if my memory serves me correctly, is that not how Anastasia met Christian Gray - by falling in his office? (I could be wrong. There were, uh, other parts of those books that were more memorable.) Where is my handsome billionaire? I fall down all the fucking time.

Comments

  1. Ouch! I am a little confused as to how you skinned the top of your knees vs. the front. You must have just gone down face first. Double ouch. Oh, and it sounds like the other grocery store patrons got a good show (I'm assuming you weren't wearing underwear?) . Haha!

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    1. Haha I was definitely wearing underwear! I learned that the hard way recently.

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  2. Those are the front of her knees... I was confused at first too.

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  3. Also, I definitely see "shawty heels" trending here soon. One day when I have young daughters, I'll be screaming at them "You aren't wearing those shawty heels out of the damn house!"

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  4. I'm 4'11 so I totally know what you're saying! They ARE a requirement. And the floor and I are totes bffs!

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  5. Wow- That is some crazy road rash! I love heels and wear them occassionally, but I pretty much only buy flats anymore. The way I walk in heels (I call it the "Robot Shuffle") and the risk of biting it is not worth me lookin that much taller (and hotter??). Anyways, I'm a low-maintenance kinda girl - so flats it is!

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  6. i actually do better in heels than i do in flats! i'm terrible about tripping over my own feet!

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  7. Oh my goodness I died when JLaw fell at the oscars. And her speech was epic. AND if you can find it on youtube, her after/press room comments were freakin hilarious. Someone was like what happened? "Um, well I fell. Duh." You tube. Seriously.


    Sorry 'bout the boo-boo though! Hope you healed!

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  8. Owie. I quit wearing heels on the reg because I'm so clumsy. That doesn't stop me from going thigh to filing cabinet on a weekly basis, though. Can I get some sort of non-BDSM stud for that???

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  9. Wow Jennifer Lawrences dress is amazing! Fuck falling up stairs... She looks good.

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