Frisky Friday: Success Kid


Dating and going out in general is so different as a mom than it used to be. Are my mom jeans turning you on? Want to take a ride in my minivan? I make really good peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, if you know what I mean.


Three steps for a solid date experience from one single mom to you:
 
Step one: Schedule your date either over a week in advance, or in less than an hour because your babysitter let you know he/she happens to be available that very same night. Note: If you schedule in advance, you're going to to have to reschedule it at least once.
 
Step two: Make sure you leave yourself plenty of time to get ready. As in, spare at least 3 minutes between diaper changes and bath time, because that's clearly all you do as a mom now.
 
Step three: Just go ahead and take your kid with you. Guys really love jumping in feet first to being a father figure, know what I mean? That's really what all single moms are looking for - a new dad for their kid.

Definitely don't act like a normal girl, you'll just embarrass yourself. You're a MOTHER now, you can't have fun like "regular" people anymore. You should just go ahead and make that man a sandwich, woman. Know your role.


Whoadang, did I just make it through an entire post without any shits or fucks?

...Almost.

Comments

  1. Ok so ive only been following your blog for like a week! YOU WIN on every level! LOVE YOUR attitude, take on life, lessons, humor, and all the SHITS AND FUCKS!!! LOVE IT! Seriously! Totally my hero! Thanks for being NERKY and ahhhsome! (SNL skit?? watch it, worth it!)

    Have a great weekend! This post just made my day! Wish i was as creative and funny as YOU!

    ReplyDelete
  2. LOR-DEE that's some funny shiz right there.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Freaking love you girl and you are so right about the damn dating bullshit. It seems like guys don't even want to ask you out ahead of time anymore. Dude, I have a life. I don't just sit around waiting for you to call me up to ask if I can go out with you that night, fucker.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is hilarious!!!!!! Stealing that last image btw

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular Posts