Frog you, you frogging frog.

I love my kid. SO MUCH. He's super cute most of the time and he says "you're welcome" every time he hands you something and his belly is the best belly I have EVER seen.

Say goodbye to these, Michael!

But, goddammit he's a little shit sometimes. He goes from happy to terrorist at the drop of a hat. It's pretty exciting. Keeps you on your toes.

Question: When I don't get my way, meaning I have to wait 5 minutes for milk instead of having it immediately, is it appropriate to throw myself on the floor and scream about it? In public?

Question: When I receive the hot dog I bitched and moaned about, is it appropriate to throw it on the floor, and then scream and cry because I don't have a hot dog anymore?

Question: When I shit myself, howsabout I kick and scream the whole time you change my diaper? Sounds like funsies.

You're killin' me, smalls.

This video is worth 18 seconds of your time. NSFW.

He can't say L's either. Of course the kid with an L in his name can't say them. He calls himself Myno and it's PRESH. Guess what happens when he yells "flag!" in a crowded park?

Yep. People stare.

I'd like to apologize if you've inadvertently experienced one of his tantrums. They come out of nowhere and last anywhere from 30 seconds to 6 days, depending on what food choices I have in my purse. So if you see me at the grocery store ignoring my screaming child, just know that I'm not happy about it either. I have to listen to that shit everyday, so maybe don't give me dirty looks on the cereal aisle. Frog off. You'll get yours - I've heard Karma's a tricky bitch.

Parenting is no joke. When do the terrible two's end? When he's 30?

Comments

  1. He's precious but I am still dealing with terrible two's from my three year old AND five year old. Half the time I wish they'd just lock me in a closet so I could have some peace and quiet.

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  2. I don't want to burst your bubble, but they just get worse when they turn three. But it's weird, once they turn four back to normal human beings.

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  3. ahahahaha, that video is precious!

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  4. I agree that the 3's are worse than the 2's. Much worse. And, some never grow out of it. My almost 9 year old still throws a fit but then, she's my pain in the ass child.

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  5. That video is hilarious!!! Ha ha ha!! Mine is 21 months and I've just started dealing with it!! I hate it and it drives me insane, but I will say a lot of people have told me that it gets worse!! I'm dreading it, but if it makes you feel any better I'm dealing with it too!!

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  6. I am dying- I am living this right now too. My 2 year old is the most handsome, dimpled face little thing but you are right- I call him a "tiny tornado" or "little terrorist" on the daily.

    Want your juice? "Nooooo...!!!!"(insert screaming whining) ok. So I put juice up on the counter. "Nooooo!!"(insert more screaming whining while throwing himself on the floor) "I WANT JUIIIIICCCCEEE!" WTF.

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  7. Hahahahaha, I giggled uncontrollably & played this like 7 times in a row. My little guy watched it with me 3 times, he couldn't say it, but he wanted to!
    He is the sweetest dude ever---until he's not. he'll be 2 in August, so I know I've got at least another year and a half of crazytown.

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  8. I think each age comes with its own set of terrors. 2 is definitely tough as they learn to be more independent, but can't quite decide what they want (shoot me). We are just entering the 3's here and I now have little miss sassy pants who wants to do everything herself and then gets super pissed when it doesn't go her way. However, it is all totally worth it when I hear, "I wuv you, Mommy".

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  9. Haha my boy is 7 i will let you know when it ends!

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  10. I'm still hoping to get out of the Terrible Twos stage soon... any day now...

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  11. Sorry my dear it does from terrible twos to sassy mouth sixes and sevens. Madi is going to be 7 and I swear every once in a while she'll come at me with a smart ass remark and I have to walk away and/or pinch the hell out of her under arm depending on the amount of smartass.

    Hang in there. We could all meet up and have a Harry Potter no kids invited butter beer binge

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  12. Harper totally says you're welcome when she hands you something or you give her something. She does says Thanks and thank you a lot, but often follows up with her own your welcome. It is hilarious. We can get into a Thank you you're welcome round for hours. Guess both like to have the last word. AD caption on his top picture cracked my ass up! I have always heard 3 is worse than two. Thanks for the pep talk hooches!

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  13. That video is so cute!!! He's adorable! My son's 9 months and he's already starting to do the whole arch my back and scream when I don't get my way thing... It's not cute!

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  14. It really is the biggest belly ever. So adorable. And I love the way kids talk... even if it always sounds like they're cursing.

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  15. ROFL!!!!! My sister taught my son to say BIG TRUCK...sounded like if your son said BIG FROG!

    Being a mom is the best and worst thing EVER! I have 2 boys so I totally understand tantrums. My boys are 5 and 3...hold on to your hat...3 is much more "fun"!

    Love your blog!

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  16. My boy isn't here yet but I like to read about moms who keep it real. I know kids aren't angels all the time but I'm sure the times they are make the times they aren't more tolerable. Cute kid.

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  18. Seriously crying right now. You crack me up, woman! Yea 2 is fun! Mine seriously pulls all this shit. Thank god for whiskey!

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