Not Iron Man 3

I saw a movie last night and it wasn't Iron Man 3 because my friends have husbands and boyfriends they have to see it with. Lame, but I was there once so whatev. I'll see it this weekend by myself or maybe find some single people to go with or some shit. I'm not worried.

Or maybe I'll find a date. Or just a FWB. More on that topic tomorrow for Fris-kay Friday.

I saw Oz and it was as shitty as everyone said it was, but the company, wine that I may or may not have smuggled in with my giant purse (PROVE IT), and popcorn was just the tits.

PRO TIP: If you're gonna take wine to the movies, keep it classy with a twist top. It's awkward if you also have to bust out a corkscrew. Come on guys, be real. I also packed red solo cups. Be prepared, I always say. I'm like a boy scout, but with boobs and a sailor mouth. I'm like a more awesome boy scout.

TRUE STORY: In high school, my best friend and I once smuggled an entire large pizza into the movies. And cinnamon rolls. You know those ones from Cici's? Yeah, THOSE little bits of heaven. The movie was total shit, so we only stayed long enough to finish our pizza and then we bailed. Probably to go eat more.

Movie theatre popcorn is my FAVE, so I always fork over the big bucks for it. Because I knew I was gonna get it with layered butter (my friends gave me so much shit for that. LIGAF, it's tasty), I nommed fruit all day. I mean, I nom fruit all day anyway, but I was extra cautious about unnecessary calories. No almond butter with my banana or pb/yogurt dip with my apple. Straight up BERRIES for my afternoon snackydoo. Pulled pork for lunch, no bread, just the meat, and some yogurt and carrots. Just one cup of coffee with delicious flavored creamer ("just give me some vanilla bullshit." Name the quote.) I got in my run right when I got home from work before the movie. 

Being healthy isn't easy. It's time consuming and inconvenient a lot of the time. My friends are some supportive motherfuckers, but some people scoff at me about how seriously I take my diet and exercise. Fuck 'em. My life, my choice.

I mean, clearly I'm not Hitler about it. I bet Hitler didn't sneak wine in his purse to the movies. Or get his popcorn with layered butter. Maybe he should have, things might have turned out differently.


  1. You are a genius.

  2. don't forget the pre-movie ridiculously expensive carbalicious cupcake :) noms.

  3. :) have you heard of/tried PB2 with you berries/banana instead of regular peanut butter? I "broke up with peanut butter" today. I had to, the PB is hindering any progress and I binge on it. I started with the PB2 a couple weeks ago and its OK...with fruit, though. Ha.

    Anyway, enjoy your day :)


  4. That Sweet Pea wine is goddamn delicious and I haven't been able to find it in two years. I'm incredibly jealous.

  5. Haha, I think your insights on Hitler are very enlightening. Good stuff.

  6. I like spit out my water. Twist cap versus corkscrew. LMFAO!

  7. You are so lucky to have supportive friends who help you balance your life and understand your choices! That is totally the key to long term success... supportive people in your life.

  8. Hi there. I am new to your blog and wanted to say hi and I have been laughing my ass off reading. Love your blog. I also am addicted to movie popcorn, super layered, so it almost drips out the bottom.
    Cheers & beers!!

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