Frisky Friday: It's not the size of the boat... it kind of is the size of the boat. And the motion of the ocean. Both matter.

Listen, I'm sorry if you have a kayak. I'm also sorry if you have a cruise ship. I'm sure you'll find someone with an adequate port for your vessel. Chin up.

Something I wish every aircraft carrier operator knew: You can't just rely on your size. 

Something I wish every canoe paddler knew: You're gonna have to work a little harder in other areas. Develop a skill.

However, if you have a rowboat and you're not a douchebag, you're better off than the guy with a luxury yacht, just as long as your rowboat isn't pulling double duty as a speedboat. Actually, anybody with any size speedboat needs to pipe the fuck down. This is the kind of race where you want to come in last.

Bottom line, if you're at either extreme end of the spectrum, you're gonna have a bad time. Otherwise, as long as your ocean motion isn't choppy and unpleasant, it doesn't matter if you have a pontoon or a houseboat. Nerk out.


  1. Oh dear God, I fucking love you. I've got nothing to add other than now, you've made me think of penis and how long it's been since I've enjoyed it. Damn you.

    1. ^Haaaaa I need to show her my kayak.

      No literally I have a kayak. Not a small penis.


      ...God damnit.

  2. I just laughed the entire time I read this! I think that the co-workers think I'm lame. Wait. They already knew that! Happy Friday!

  3. Date night tonight with the wife. Time to pull up the anchor on this fucking missile loaded battleship.

  4. Hahaha I had an ex who used the "it's not the size of the boat that matters, it's the motion of the ocean..." I immediately responded with "but honey it takes a LONG time to get to England in a row boat" He didn't talk to me the rest of the night...bahahahahaha....loved this post!

    Kaelyn @

  5. This was so funny! Loved the metaphors and you hit it spot on. I may print this out and hand it out at bars.

  6. I just... wow. Nerky for the win on this one. Zero words.

  7. Oh this is too freaking funny! Makes me want to be on a party barge pontoon and ON a pontoon!


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