Here's to you, partymom.

When my kid gets invited to a birthday party, I get that ughhhhh feeling. I just know I'm about to spend at least 2 hours on a Saturday with judgy parents that don't get my jokes and question my life choices. My kid will probably have fun, but I most definitely will not.

I appreciate when parents understand this when planning their kid's birthday party. Kids just want to eat cake and be crazy motherfuckers. No need to go overboard - just put 'em in the back yard with a hose until caketime and they're happy.

Yeah, that's my kid hanging out with all the womens.
What a ladies man.

Listen. I get that you want everything to be all matchy-match. I'm on Pinterest. For Mylo's first birthday, I turned everything into little monsters. I stayed up late decorating and everything was cute as shit. HOWEVER, Mylo didn't give a flying fuck about any of that.

Here's what I should have done:
- Get some good food (could have done better.)
- Get some beer and other libations (check.)
- Park it in the back yard and watch the kids run around like idiots (next time.)
- Piped the fuck down with the crafty bullshit decorations.

The kids get to play. No one is stressed out. No going overboard with crafts and shit. I like all of the things. If Mylo cared that all of the things matched, that's totally different - MATCH ALL THE THINGS. But he doesn't give a single fuck. So why stress? 

Cheers, Mylo.

I went to a super fun birthday party on Saturday for a 4 year old. There were tasty noms and there was lots of beer for the grown ups. There was good music playing and good smells from the grill. There was good company because partymom didn't feel the need to invite every goddamn person she knows. The kids played and played in the kiddie pool and I'm pretty sure it was the best day of Mylo's life and I had fun too.

So thanks, partymom, for thinking of the parents. I will do the same for Mylo's next birthday party. It's gonna be off the muthafuckin' chain. And by that, I mean it's gonna be a laid back event.


  1. Best kids party I ever went to was like this. They also had an inflatable water slide for the kids that the adults were riding down, too. Best 8 year old party, ever. Beer, food and water slide for the win!

  2. I am so on board with your party planning this year. Last year we had two parties for Harper because our family lives in no. Never ever again. I went all Pinterest ape shit and 70% was Pinterest fails. This year is our best fools, their kids, my back yard, bbq, beers, and no stress.

  3. Yeah, I have never been one to go overboard with all the crafty shit. I leave that to my sister (you should have seen my nephew's first birthday party). Good food, good drinks and all the kids running around screaming - now that's a party.

  4. Well I was going to say exactly what Jennifer said. Screw spending a shit load of money on Pinterest fails and wasted time putting it up. I'm using that money next time for extra coolers of booze for the grown-up kids.

  5. I have neighbors with kids (no kids here) whom I adore and hubs and I are always invited. We go, and you know why? Yes, it's a kids bday party with gifts and cake, but it's also very laid back, with libations, and I don't feel like I'm going to a kids birthday party. Bottom line, you want me to come, bring a gift AND have fun? Don't overdo :)

  6. I am a horrible birthday mom. I let my kids choose their cake from Costco/Wal-mart. Let them pick the venue (ChuckECheese), and only invite my family and our BFF family. That's it. No pinterest, no party favors, nothing.

    And guess what, the kids have a blast and I don't have to clean my house or have my family over.

    I see it as a win-win....

  7. I second TimBOB's comment.

    That and Jenna Marbles....god I love her! :)

  8. This year we are having a bouncy house thing (kids entertainment) and then some food, oh and some cake, you have to have cake at a b-day party! That is it. I did the whole matchy matchy thing last year too and I about drove myself CRAZY!! This year it is all about saving MY OWN SANITY!! LOL

  9. I LOATHE kid's parties---but that sounds like the Bomb.Com! Awesome. Love it.


  10. I remember my first time on a bouncy castle. It was a big surprise for me. I see them so often today that I forget the excitement of that first bounce. It was a very excitement games for me.


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