It's bigger on the inside

I have an epic mom-bag. It puts Mary Poppins' bag to shame. I'm basically a Time Lord (we can be bffs if you get that). It's my secret weapon against movie theatre snack pricing and my almost-two-year-olds random and unexpected tantrums.

To be fair, most movie theatres don't offer forties for purchase. We basically had to sneak them in.

Pro tip: If you drink that much liquid in a movie, it should be a movie you've already seen because holy pee breaks, Batman.

So since I'm not always smuggling foodstuffs, clearly I need to fill my purse with ALL THE THINGS.

No wonder my back hurts.
It's not the tig ol' bitties, perverts.
Okay maybe still that, but also probably the purse.

Oh, you need hand sanitizer? I have three different choices for you. Unhappy with your lip color? I have 3 lipsticks, 3 lip glosses and 2 chapsticks. JUST IN CASE. I only have one earring, though. Use it wisely.

I keep pens and a flash drive with Russian secrets on it in the giant Lego. Batman chases The Joker around the depths of my purse in pursuit of Star Wars fruit snacks and peanut butter m&ms. If they get in a wreck, they can use one of my Super Mario bandaids.

Cute Fact: I taught Mylo to say "Boba Fett" every time he wants fruit snacks. I bet that confuses the shit out of his babysitter.

And those are my future paint colors for my living room. 

And I carry an epipen because I'm allergic to lame people shellfish. 

What do the contents of my purse say about me? Most obviously, that I'm a boy mom. Second, that I'm a girl with a mild interest in lip products. What does your purse say about you? Or your man purse?


  1. I clicked on your blog first because of the title today! :) aahhhhh the doctor! Also I literally was eating breakfast whilst reading and almost choked on my food about the epipen! Not that allergies are funny... They aren't. Just like how lame people aren't funny!!! Thanks for the awesome read this morning!

  2. I'm with you on the lipgloss and chapstick. I seem to always have way too many.

    And as for the movies, we never go without making a Dollar Tree candy run first....

  3. Hahaha this is priceless. While you're certainly not the only woman with way too much crap in her purse, you definitely win the Random Smorgasbord of Shit Award. We should invent a show like Room Raiders but Purse Raiders, and you choose a girl to go on a date with by what's in her purse.

    No offense, but I don't think you'd make the cut. HA

  4. I swerrrr to gawd we were separated at birth!?? What if I NEED a brown hair tie, black hair tie, brown hair tie, bottle of perfume, 4th lipstick color, lip junk with color, lip junk without color, hand sanitizer with norovirus killer, or hand sanitizer without norovirus killer??? Your posts are the best!!

  5. My siblings(grown fools sans children) covet the "mom purse"! Especially at long boring engagements(wedding ceremonies, graduations, and MVD excursions.) They play with my children's action figures, eat the fruit snacks, demolish the granola bars and go nuts over the occasional Dum Dum! My grandmother has even been known to ask, "whatcha got in that Mom bag?" My own personal Tardis has all of the above minus diapers with the addition of hair ties for my daughter and Legos for my son.

  6. Emmeline call fruit snacks, "shoe gatz" because she can't pronounce them. Boba Fett is a much better name.

    Word on smuggling liquor and snacks into the movie theater. What else is a big purse for?

  7. I DIE! This is freaking awesome. I also have a Mom Bag! For boys. Contents include hot wheels (various number depending on the day), action figures, lego guys, fruit snacks, bottle of water, notebook, crayons, at least 20 pens (not a joke I have a problem), ipod (aka kid sitter), 2 hand sanitizers (one girly one "boy") gum, 50 wrappers for various snacks consumed by my boys who think that mom bag is aka for trash can, phone charger, mini tool kit, bandaids (spiderman and angry birds at the moment), tampons, 1 chapstick, manicure kit, kleenex and wet wipes! Also have my work tablet (like kindle), name badge, watch and bandage scissors and tape (for work as nurse) No wonder MY back hurts! lol

  8. The lego pen case is totally awesome. I love it. I also love that you sneak booze into movies. This is something I feel like I must do from now on. That's why they started putting wine into juice boxes, isn't it?

  9. I hope your purse is also filled with wibly wobly timey wimey stuff too;)

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