Mama Bear

I'm a single mom. That means I make the decisions and I'm the protector. Oh, you think it's cute to follow me home? You think it's cute to pay me a little uninvited visit? It's not. I'll shoot you and I won't feel an ounce of pity or remorse. It's how we Texas girls roll when you put our kids in danger. Mama Bear style.


I got followed once by a guy in a black jeep while I was in my car. I totally knew it because I Spidey-sensed it, so I turned on weird streets and eventually made a big loop and the guy was still following me. It was scary as fuck. I parked in a busy parking lot and waited the creeper out. He made eye contact, y'all.

Two reasons why being the head of my household is shitty:

1 - I HAVE TO KILL THE BUGS.

June bugs are fucking gross. I almost wrecked my car when I saw one in the passenger seat the other day. How the fuck did it even get there? Does it make me a horrible mom because I used my kid's toy to squish it? (Yes.) NO. Because he has other toys. It's not like I used his favorite blanket. Or his foot.

2 - How the fuck am I supposed to change these light bulbs:

There are two out, but there are also two that still work.
I'm a glass half full person.

Even if I had a ladder, which I don't, I'd have to stand on the very top rung on my tippy toes, which I wouldn't, because you know my clumsy ass would fall. We'll just call it "mood lighting". (Until the other two go out, then we'll call it "dark".)

I need a bug squisher, stat. And a ladder. Or maybe just one of those light bulb changer stick things.

Comments

  1. Dude, that's some scary shit! Did you call the cops?

    And how tall are your ceilings?? WOW!

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  2. oh ma ga, I can relate to every single thing here.

    I was recently talking to a dude (possible date that I met from match) and he started talking about how he had plans to come over this past saturday to work on my back yard for me. Um, thanks dude but I've never met you before and you think I'm just going to pass out my address. Big, fat no! See ya later fuck-o.

    On, the bugs? Do you guys have palmetto bugs? You know those giant, flying cockroach looking things. I had a lizard join me in the car once and my youngest was with me. It's a miracle we made it off the highway alive. My oldest daughter had to get it out of the car for me.

    Oh and on the lights? Yeah, I have a fucking two story foyer and the way the light fixture is, I would never be able to use the light pole thingy so, yeah, my foyer is dark as hell. Who the hell do you even call to fix something like that? A regular old handyman? And, then, how the hell much would that be?

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  3. I have a man in my house...but he's gay and doesn't take out the trash, change light bulbs, OR kill bugs...

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  4. I have a man and he doesn't like to do any of it....but I make him! :)

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  5. So funny you posted this today! I'm also about to be living sans man. I go downstairs and there it is - a Hell bug! (aka - million legged centipede - or 100 legs, whatever)..and I had to kill that mfer myself. Swear I thought,"this is the main reason I don't want him to leave." bugs. Hate em.

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    Replies
    1. We call those alien bugs (I think they're house centipedes or some shit like that) and they pretty much disintegrate when you squish them. Gross!

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  6. I would have started hysterically crying if ome home slice tried to follow me. You are pretty brave! Also, one of my friends and I really want to take our CCW course, and were talking today about how we really need mini-stun guns for apartment leasing -- it sounds awful, but I work in an office by myself part time, and half of the people that come in sketch me out.

    I think Lowe's and Home Depot rent out ladders of varying sizes... you might want to check =)

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  7. ROFL!!!! I am the bug killer in my house...always have been..my mom and sister don't do bugs...so guess that left me!

    You can get a light stick changer at home depot or lowes...easy breezy! Not expensive either! That or make cookies or pick up a six pack for a neighbor.

    Also if ever followed again call 911 drive to the police station and have an officer come out to your car...had to do this twice!!!! Freakn' CREEPS!!!

    Loving the daily emails too! They make me laugh and then get my butt moving!

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