The magic pill

When I see people that I haven't seen in a long time, they always ask me what my secret to losing weight is. I'm about to tell you.

Here's how it happened.

One day I woke up from a restful slumber. I followed a white rabbit to a trippy dance party in a sleazy club and then a big black guy with neat sunglasses took me into a room and told me to choose the red pill or blue pill. I took the red pill and lost 60 pounds like that.


What really happened was that I lived with some mean-ass bitches in a cupboard under the stairs until I was 11. Then a half-giant came and told me I was a wizard and I was all, "SWEET, I'm gonna magic my weight off!" And I expelliarmus'd those pounds away.


So what really happened was that I saw a pretty girl get caught stealing an apple. Long story short, she's the princess and I wound up with a magic lamp that I sort of stole, but who cares because no one wants the bad guy to have the magic lamp. When the genie came out I said, "Fuck the princess, make me skinny, motherfucker!" And he did. And then I set him free, and we became best friends.


My real secret? I started eating healthy and exercising. I know. Vague and boring and no magic. It's taken me over a year and a half to get to where I am and I'm still a work in progress. Aren't we always?

Some tricks I picked up along the way:

- Chew gum when you have cravings.
- Drink a ton of water - at least 60 oz/day. I rarely drink anything but water except coffee in the morning, and I always carry a water bottle with me.
- Eat 5-6 times/day. 
- Meal plan.
- Set goals for yourself.

I'm not an expert, I just lost some weight. These are the things that worked for ME.

Do you want my flavor of motivation? Send me an email to meg(at)nerkyblog(dot)com and I'll add you to the get-up-off-yo-ass daily emails list. Even on the weekends, betch.

Comments

  1. Hehe I like the Harry Potter magic story :)

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  2. Drives me nuts when people aak, 'ermahgerd, how did you loose the weight?' Do people still not realize there's nothing magical about it. You gotta eat right and get off your fat ass if you want to be a healthy, skinny bitch.

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  3. It's definitely not magic folks - if it was, I would never have experienced days and nights of tears & frustration - and who would freakin' want to miss out on that??

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  4. If you got an effing pill, Imma make you give it back! ha! I'm loving the emails!

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  5. I love your emails!! They make my day and remind me what a slacker I have been lol thanks

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  6. OMGah, imagine that? You lost weight because you put in a little effort and put down the Mceedee's. Hrm, could it really be THAT easy? I laugh when people ask how I did it. I'm like...got off my ass?

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  7. What types of goals did u set at first? I am working on the meal planning...getting better! Water check!

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  8. I love this. It really burns my biscuits when people think that weight loss is a piece of cake. Do the really hard work, get decent results. It's that simple, it's just not easy.

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