I feel like it's on me

I've smooshed two bugs during the making of this blog facelift and I'm OVER IT. One of them was a spider that dangled from the light fixture above my head down in front of my face like it knew me. Listen bro, I don't want anything dangling in front of my face, much less a muthafuckin' spider. SMOOSH.

That reminds me of the time I took a shower in college. Let me be more specific, the time I took a shower with a fucking cockroach in college. I feel like it's on me.


I was minding my own damn business as a freshman in the dorms. I just wanted to get so fresh and so clean clean so I could party go to class and be a straight-A student. I disrobed, grabbed my towel, slipped on my flip flops and carried my cute blue "only useful for carrying shit to and from the bathroom in the dorms" bucket to the shower.

Mistake 1: I took off my flip flops. I hated when they got all wet and slippery and I figured it's not like the showers are that gross.

Mistake 2: I took off my glasses. I mean, it's not so much a mistake because I have to take them off to bathe, but it was unfortunate considering the unfolding events.

Mistake 3: I was the first person to use the shower after Christmas/winter/holiday break. This was probably my biggest mistake.

So I turned on the water and abandoned my flip flops and towel outside the curtain. I'm a rebel without a cause, showering naked like that. I hung my blue bucket from the knob and started lathering. It's basically a 90s Herbal Essences commercial at this point. UNTIL...

THE COCKROACH ENTERS. 

This is not the type of cock I'm interested in encountering in the shower, mkay?


The little fucker slithered up and out of the drain and started scuttling about like it owned the place. I leaned down to see whatthefuck, and I watched in horror for the .3 seconds it took me to composed myself, and then promptly jumped out of the shower, briefly got tangled in the curtain, left the water running and ran back to my room.

Naked.

Just like anyone would do.

I'm not sure I'm using the scientific term for this bug. This was not a teeny little (albeit still very, very gross) dude that infests your shitty rundown apartment in the bad part of town because you don't take care of it. This was a big motherfucker. Like 4 inches long. (twss) I can't even describe it, I swear it's on me RIGHT NOW and it can hear me.

So I was naked in my dorm room and my roommate just looked at me like I was batshit insane, but she knew there was clearly an issue. I'm just not the type of girl that typically runs around naked, and she knew that. I 'splained to her what happened, she immediately freaked the fuck out, said she was glad it was me and not her and we went to find a girl who was much more adept at handling the situation than we were. We didn't shower in the dorm for 2 weeks after that.  

Do you feel like it's on you? I feel like it's on me. It's ruined shower drains for me. I swear, I always keep one eye open in public type showers like at the gym, or really any shower I'm not used to like hotels, friends houses, etc. Even in my own shower, I always let the water run for a few minutes just to make sure those pipes are clear. You can never be too careful. 

I think this is what they call being "scarred for life".

So anyway, blog facelift is live today, and it has nothing to do with bugs. I'm half way done - just have to get the social media icons up. For now, you can follow me on:


And be sure to check out my new About Me page. I edited the shit out of it.

Comments

  1. OMGah I'm dying at your misfortune! I feel like this would make a great episode if you had your own show! Bugs=creepy...I got ya! College kids are nasty mofo's, too, I'm not surprised you found one hanging out in the dorms. I would make a buck or three by cleaning the guy's bathrooms. Price went up considerably after the first time.

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  3. Let's try this again because I'm a little slow today.

    I hate bugs but I will throw a shoe and kill them or smother them with a paper towel. I had an altercation with a red wasp once that involved windex and it landing on my boob. I was shaking the rest of the night. Bugs are nasty.

    Love the facelift. It looks good and shit.

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  4. I love your new header. It's so badass. Also, that bug story? Creepy as hell. Now I'm going to be terrified of shower drains for at least a week.

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  5. Your new header is the shit! I am loving it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PS i hate bugs too!!!!!!!

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  6. Can't stop laughing!! (and cringing) I love your new header! P.S. I couldn't read the first captcha to post my comment...I think I'm a robot. Imma try again.

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  7. Omg. Gross and yes now I'm freaking out at everything that twitches out if the corner of my eye. Yuck!

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  8. Yeah I completely laughed out loud at this post. And I love that work blocked me from reading it. I'm thinking you used the word cock too much. Not a prob with me, but apparently the firewalls don't like it. And ewww bugs and me don't mix well!!

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  9. OMG! The exact same thing happened to me in college!! The bastard followed me down the hall and disappeared into my room mates closet!! Thank God it was the end of the friggin' semester! Otherwise, I would have never slept in that room again!!

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