I feel like it's on me
I've smooshed two bugs during the making of this blog facelift and I'm OVER IT. One of them was a spider that dangled from the light fixture above my head down in front of my face like it knew me. Listen bro, I don't want anything dangling in front of my face, much less a muthafuckin' spider. SMOOSH.
That reminds me of the time I took a shower in college. Let me be more specific, the time I took a shower with a fucking cockroach in college. I feel like it's on me.
I was minding my own damn business as a freshman in the dorms. I just wanted to get so fresh and so clean clean so I could
party go to class and be a straight-A student. I disrobed, grabbed my towel, slipped on my flip flops and carried my cute blue "only useful for carrying shit to and from the bathroom in the dorms" bucket to the shower.
Mistake 1: I took off my flip flops. I hated when they got all wet and slippery and I figured it's not like the showers are that gross.
Mistake 2: I took off my glasses. I mean, it's not so much a mistake because I have to take them off to bathe, but it was unfortunate considering the unfolding events.
Mistake 3: I was the first person to use the shower after Christmas/winter/holiday break. This was probably my biggest mistake.
So I turned on the water and abandoned my flip flops and towel outside the curtain. I'm a rebel without a cause, showering naked like that. I hung my blue bucket from the knob and started lathering. It's basically a 90s Herbal Essences commercial at this point. UNTIL...
THE COCKROACH ENTERS.
This is not the type of cock I'm interested in encountering in the shower, mkay?
The little fucker slithered up and out of the drain and started scuttling about like it owned the place. I leaned down to see whatthefuck, and I watched in horror for the .3 seconds it took me to composed myself, and then promptly jumped out of the shower, briefly got tangled in the curtain, left the water running and ran back to my room.
Just like anyone would do.
I'm not sure I'm using the scientific term for this bug. This was not a teeny little (albeit still very, very gross) dude that infests your shitty rundown apartment in the bad part of town because you don't take care of it. This was a big motherfucker. Like 4 inches long. (twss) I can't even describe it, I swear it's on me RIGHT NOW and it can hear me.
So I was naked in my dorm room and my roommate just looked at me like I was batshit insane, but she knew there was clearly an issue. I'm just not the type of girl that typically runs around naked, and she knew that. I 'splained to her what happened, she immediately freaked the fuck out, said she was glad it was me and not her and we went to find a girl who was much more adept at handling the situation than we were. We didn't shower in the dorm for 2 weeks after that.
Do you feel like it's on you? I feel like it's on me. It's ruined shower drains for me. I swear, I always keep one eye open in public type showers like at the gym, or really any shower I'm not used to like hotels, friends houses, etc. Even in my own shower, I always let the water run for a few minutes just to make sure those pipes are clear. You can never be too careful.
I think this is what they call being "scarred for life".
So anyway, blog facelift is live today, and it has nothing to do with bugs. I'm half way done - just have to get the social media icons up. For now, you can follow me on:
And be sure to check out my new About Me page. I edited the shit out of it.