Uh, what?

I don't have cable. I only knew the VMAs were on because my Twitter feed exploded, and I only knew Miley Cyrus lost her damn mind because all of my Facebook friends that are also parents went apeshit.

So naturally I had to YouTube it. 

Speaking as a viewer:

I feel old as shit. Is this what kids are into now? Fucked up robot teddy bears and subpar dancing? (Wait, is that a drug reference that I don't get?) Where's Usher? I want to see his dancing.

Speaking as a woman:

Sistah was trying TOO HARD to be edgy. WE GET IT, MILEY. You don't want to be Hannah Montana anymore. But is this who you really want to be? Get your shit together and try again. It doesn't have to be one extreme or the other. 

Speaking as someone who considers herself well-dressed and likes it that way:

Note to self: Return nude plastic panties. They'll make your ass look like an old, wrinkly chicken cutlet. 

Another note to self: Stay on top of your squats game.

Is that Chuck E. Cheese on her onesie? Damn, my son was ahead of the times with his.

Yes, sticking your tongue out like that totally looks sexy.
Oops, I spelled "trashy" wrong.

Speaking as a parent:

Wow. Well, if that doesn't scare the shit out of us, then what will? All we can do is lead by example.

On the flip side, her parents made their choices and parented their way. They don't deserve to be judged. Miley is ultimately a grown woman who makes her own decisions.

Speaking as a daughter:

No parent is supposed to watch their grown daughter grab her crotch with a foam finger and thrust with her tongue out. I'm embarrassed for everyone.

This makes my head hurt.
But it also inexplicably makes me LOL.
Do you think that was her goal and the joke's on us?

Speaking as someone who thinks Robin Thicke is ridiculous hot:

Bro. Really? You didn't have to do this to yourself.

Also, you look like a fuckin' referee. Come on man, you have more swagger than that. Or whatever the kids are saying nowadays.


  1. I recently started following your blog and have a few words for you: You are effing hilarious!! This was a great start to my day! I wonder how those people in the audience felt when they had Miley's crotch in their face.

  2. And then I spit my coffee out while laughing at "I feel old as shit"

    I too watched the clip after my facebook feed blew the shit up. Never have I ever felt so old in my life.

    And why, why does one need plastic, flesh tone undies. Isn't that like the ultimate cock block?

  3. I am not a huge Swifty fan, but she could be my BFF after her reaction to Miley. http://youtu.be/ozpFLyh7ETE

  4. I watched last night and also felt old as shit. Girl is trying too hard and why Robin Thicke decided to dress up like Beetlejuice is beyond me.

  5. This just tells me she is heading down the same road as Brittany. Poor girl. What ever happened to class.

  6. This post is so damn perfect. Every effin word.

  7. It's so funny. My little sister used to watch Hannah Montana. Then Miley grew up and got fine as shit. Then she shaved her head, and you know what, I was like "Damn, that bitch actually pulls it off! She's still hot!"

    Then this whirlwind of a decline into trashy, disgusting Miley happened so fast I didn't even know about it until I saw that clip. Like, what? When did this happen?

    Poor Billy Ray. He had to have been proud of himself when Hannah Montana was on TV. Now I wonder what he thinks. I can't even imagine his embarrassment.

    Fame is a hell of a drug I guess.

  8. Omg...Jennifer is right on. I can't believe I missed that. Even her peers are like WTH!!!! RT I think was drunk and uncomfortable. Who else likes a bratz doll coming up to them and licking their neck...eekkk

  9. It was just uncomfortable to watch...WTF??? Did she put her face in a dancing bears ass?

  10. I agree she made a flippin fool of herself, but.....

    I find all the discussion of controversy over Miley Cyrus's performance a little odd given that the other "artist" she performed with at the VMA's tried to salvage an ailing career by coming out with a cheaply catchy song that sounds like it could be a rapist's anthem (anyone else find the phrase: I know you want it" a little creepy?) and showcases naked women in the video (when all the men are dressed)!

    At least Miley was wearing (tacky) clothing!

  11. Ugh, every time I gasped I felt freaking old but damn did that girl make me WANT to BE old if that's how our youth is supposed to be now...um, I just used the word "youth"...

  12. I don't know what Twerking is, and I guess that makes me old as shit right alongside you. Also, I don't have cable either, so we're totes twinning.

    I told someone else I feel more violated than that foam finger, and I stand by that.

    Also, Miley has run her course. Did you see how nobody cared about her performance, even a little bit? I can only hope that now she can do some serious self-discovery and re-branding if she so chooses to move forward. If she isn't ready for that, I hear LiLo is on the straight and narrow, so I guess she could take the "hot mess" spot that was recently vacated.

  13. First time reading your blog , and you totally wrote down everything I have been saying lol. Kellie Rasberry on the radio brought up a good point that Brittney Spears and Madonna have done a ton worse but at least they did it more as choreographed art than just being trashy to be trashy. Robin should have done a separate performance not sure why he teamed up with her

  14. Hahahah he reminds me of beetlejuice :) I think he is the new age George Michael!

  15. I just found your blog and I have to say, I love this post! You actually made me laugh out loud.
    Can't wait to


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