5 days down, 115 to go

Surgery isn't all rainbows and motherfucking butterflies.

I maybe didn't realize exactly how immobilized I would be. Maybe I didn't realize exactly how painful it would be. Maybe I didn't realize that having my son by myself 3 days post-op from ACL and meniscus repair wasn't going to pan out well. (The doc discovered my meniscus was busted once he got in there, so he fixed that too.)

I feel like there should be more swelling or blood or something based on the amount of pain I have.
But whatever.

Y'all, my son is the sweetest boy. He got my crutches for me when they were out of reach. He moved his toys out of my path. He was patient when it took me longer to get his milk. He went to bed easily because mama has a "soccer hurt" and can't hold him and rock like we normally do. But he's still a boy, and rough by nature. When I was putting on his shoes and he sat down HARD on my brace, I legit almost passed out from the pain. When he kicked me right in the knee trying to get off the couch I burst into tears from the pain, and then HE burst into tears and it was a big mess. He didn't mean to, of course. How could his almost 2 year old little mind understand? That's when I called my aunt. She came over and played with him for a couple of hours, cooked lunch and put him down for his nap while I took 2 hydrocodone and passed out and woke up when he woke up from nap time. 

He flipped his shit for that birthday card, y'all.
It sings to you when you "blow out the candle" on the inside.
Not gonna lie, I thought it was pretty cool too.
How does it KNOW when you blow out the candle?

I didn't take any pain medicine when I was alone with him. I just didn't feel right about it. Mayhaps that's why I was so grumpy? Whatever, it's neither here nor there. Fact: I also don't drink when I'm alone with him. (Because I'm so straight laced. Ha.)

My favorite person during the whole procedure was the anesthesiologist. He was funny and good looking and clearly smart because he's a doctor. When he was doing the nerve block (it's like an epidural, but for my leg), he laughed at my Spider-Man underwear. So we're married now, right? That's how it works, I've heard.

As I spent the past 5 days laying on my couch connected to my CPM (it bends my leg for me) and ice machines (Modern medicine, y'all. Holy shit.), my friends and family brought me healthy food and came and kept me company and drove me to and from PT. Those who couldn't come over texted or emailed me. I sometimes wonder how I got so lucky to have such a good network of friends. (Big time thanks for thinking of me to: Dad, Aunt B, Lindsay, Angela, Rob, Robin, Brit, Collin, Dustin, Matt, Chris, Paul, Andrew, Brian, Stacy, Mandy, Catherine, Lindsey, Jen, Amy, Kaedra, Cait, Brandi, Melissa, Hope, Chelsea, and Rachel.) 

This weekend of sedentary activity had me feeling feels. Angry that I hurt myself so badly that I needed surgery and I'm out for 4 months. Angry that my beach trip last weekend went so shitty and now I definitely can't go to the beach for a long time. Jealous of people on Instagram running half marathons and/or running in general. Scared that I'm gonna get fat again - I had a dream that I woke up at 200lbs. Simultaneously, I'm proud of the people that ran those races. Proud of my son for the person he's becoming even at 2 years old. Happy that I have such great friends and family. Grateful for all of the people checking in on me. ALL OF THE EMOTIONS. Damn, Nerk. Get your shit together.

I didn't have people over 100% of the time, and let me tell you, it's hard to do every day activities on crutches. Like showering. There will probably be several Nerky Buns in the next few months.

5 days down, 115 to go until I can run again!


  1. I think you are allowed to "mourn" a little on this one. Keep your chin up. You're crazy-awesome for having such a good attitude! :)

  2. You can do it (said in the Rob Schneider voice)! And if you ever need anything, let me know how I can help!

  3. You got this girl, it sucks that your weekend went like it did but is it bad that I cry from getting kicked/trampled by my two year old son and I didn't have knee surgery? They are so damn cute but so damn rough!!! Watch Orange is the New Black if you have Netflix, it will keep you engrossed in prison drama and forget all about your bum knee.

  4. Boys are rough and tumble for sure but sounds like little man has a soft heart which is awesome. You can totally (wait, is this where I am supposed to say totes?) still go to the beach. You just need a chauffeur and a hotel room. Screw that camping biz for now. Sand in a scar suxor for real. As a sub, you should have someone bring you some of that play sand from Home Depot to your pool and spread it around your lounge chair. Mama L or Momma P or some other skinny chick you swear and drink with should be willing to hook that up. Party on the pool deck yo! Feel better Nerk. We'll get you back in a kayak in no time flat.

  5. You go girl! I'm a whiner and I would have had someone stay with me for a while until I was comfortable of gutting around more on my own. You are strong and I admire you for that!

  6. Well, now I feel like an asshole because I didn't text or email you! Not that I have your phone number, but still I was totally thinking of you. It is so great that you have friends and family around that can help and don't be afraid to ask for it. Surgery is a big fucking deal and it doesn't hurt to take the time to rest. You can't be Superwoman all the time. Milo is seriously the cutest though and that is so sweet that he started crying with you. That card does look very cool too.

  7. Listen: I'm going to have to write in list form for this. So many things.
    1) I wish I lived closer. I would come make you a grilled cheese and babysit Mylo fo' free.

    2) You won't get fat. Not even a little bit. You will be just as much of a sexy beast as you are right this second.

    3) All of the emotions come out when pain meds are involved. Or the lack thereof.

    4) You should totes find out if the anesthesiologist is single. #Amazepene


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