The problem(s) I didn't think I'd have

This shit has lost it's charm, FOR REAL. Not that I was ever excited about having surgery. (I'm still paying off my hospital stay from birthing my spawn, and now I have more bills? THANKS OBAMA. (That was clearly a joke. Don't be offended. I shall not have political rants in the comments, that's what Facebook is for.))

Y'all. I've lost damn near 6 pounds since surgery 2 weeks ago. I weighed 130.2 at my once weekly weigh-in yesterday and I don't know what to do with myself because I wasn't prepared for this. I thought I would struggle not to gain weight, but nope. Now I'm just wasting away.

Literally.


I feel 87% certain that those 5-6 pounds came from my leg. Lookit how teensy my left is compared to my right since I'm not using it (much). So that's gonna be fun, building that muscle back up. Especially with 4 more weeks until I can do anything. Fuck the guy that tackled me and tore my shit SO HARD. (And not in the good way.)

Let's get real for a sec: I've struggled with not being angry about this injury. I know, of course, that it could always be worse and there are people worse off than I am with my first world problems (wahhh, I can't run in my $100 shoes and listen to my ipod and wear my fancy moisture-wicking shorts to combat ass sweat and a clever snarky tank top because I was fortunate enough to be able to get surgery to fix an injury I got from another recreational activity I pay out the ass to participate in), and mostly I'm positive (T-4 weeks until I can swim and hit the elliptical!), but I have moments when I hate everything and everyone and I'm so mad that this happened. (I'm human.)

So please bear with me if I've been short with you, been slow about answering emails, stopped talking to you all together or otherwise been unpleasant. I really try to always be pleasant (even if you're an asshole, because I'm not an asshole), but sometimes my fucking knee hurts and my dog is sick and my car needs an oil change and I'm overwhelmed because I already didn't have time for everything in my life and now I have to walk slower than a snail in molasses and wear this gigantic behemoth brace that is really killing my game. Mkay?

HEY, did you know I have stairs in my condo? It's been really cool going up and down them every day. Yep. Just fab.

I know what you're thinking.
It wouldn't be the first time I got a compliment on my calf muscles.
All natural, baby.

That's what I look like going up and down stairs, every time. Carrying my child (or anything, really) is out of the question, but he's a trooper and learned how to hold the rail by himself like a wee little boss.

At the gym I've been doing pretty much all upper body stuff, duh. And abs, duh. I eased myself back into working out last week, and this week I feel like I'm back to "normal". 

I don't even wear my running shoes to the gym anymore. 
They take up valuable space in my bag and Toms are much lighter.

Cardio, you ask? I wish. All I can really do at my current gym is row (modified so my left leg doesn't bend), which is a great back and core workout so I'm all about it. I could use a speedbag if I had access to one, but I don't. I'm looking at joining a big gym with a pool in the next month so that I can start swimming when I get the okay from my doc. That will be awesome for when I start training for a triathlon, too.

Oh yeah, that's happening next year. I'll be the one wearing the Wonder Woman bikini on the bike that doesn't have gears but does have a basket and a bell. Whatever, fake it til you make it.

I'm so tired of sitting on my ass and not doing anything. I haven't even been out on a date since before tearing my shit. How would that even go? I'm pretty sure this brace is a giant cockblock (vagblock?). Two weeks post op, shoot me in the face. I'm over it. Ready to have my leg back. Ready to move forward.

Comments

  1. Im sorry, that's a huge bummer.... I know you don't have a speed bag and this is going to sound crazy, but have you thought of punching the air holding light weights or even the resistance bands, or hell nothing at all? When my knee was really preventing me from running there were days my trainer got creative with my cardio. Your heart rate will get up there doing that, I know it looks silly, but it does work and no leg movement required!!!

    I don't know how you are doing it! You are a beast! I would be a nut case! :)

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  2. Listen: It's okay to be angry. It's okay to have feelings about this process that aren't all sunshine and rainbows. That shit fucking sucks. Every time. And I know you aren't happy about the muscle wasting, but TRUST ME when I say that your physical therapist will have it back to normal in no time flat, and you'll be sexier than ever. Those torturers have some tricks up their sleeves that no regular human has any business knowing, and they will fix you up pronto.

    And if you want to bitch, I am totally down. You can email, or call even. I'll give you my number, and you can call, bitch, then hang up if you want. It's cool.

    I think we should create a new superhero for you: Bionic Zombie Wonder Woman. It's totally you.

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  3. I was in a cast for 6 months, 10 years ago, and my right calf is STILL larger than my left.

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  4. I hate saying keep your chin up but that really is true. You've got this and with anything that holds you back you have every right to be pissed about! I had a small outpatient surg last week and eventhough it was so low key I'm ready for my abs to stop feeling like they are on fire whenever I laugh, sneeze, cough, stand up..... I hate feeling out of whack!! You've gor this and will totally deserve those wonder woman heals when its all said and done!! :)

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  5. Totally ok to be angry as, like you said, you are [super]human!! And, total props to you for getting back to the gym so quickly. I'm sure I'd still be curled in the fetal position crying about my pain and the situation. You're a rock star!

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  6. First off- girrrl, I feel your pain. Ok, that was a lie, I don't feel it at all, but I feel for YOU. The fact that you're making it to the gym at all amazes me. I would have given up altogether and sat on the couch feeling sorry for myself and pouting about not being able to do shit while eating Bluebell cookies and cream. In fact, next week I'm going to the podiatrist for a pain in my foot I've had for two months, and I use that as an excuse not to workout all the time despite the fact that it really only hurts if I'm lunging or walking, and not even every day. (wah wah).

    On a more positive note, after I complete my first half marathon in February (because my foot WILL get better), my next challenge is to do a triathlon. My hubs just did his first one this summer, and now I wanna do it too. I live in Dallas and would love to meet up sometime for a swim/bike ride/run/whatever. Way in the future of course.

    Lastly, I've started calling you The Nerkster in my head. From the little I know of you (which is more than I'm admitting because I've stalked your blog pretty thoroughly) you are a bamf and The Nerkster makes you sound bad-as-mother-fucker-ish to me.

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  7. I totally thought I had commented already, but apparently blogger ate my response. Asshole.

    Anyway, of course you have lost 6 pounds since your surgery (bish). Your body is all like, "sit down, I got this". You are awesome for going to the gym, though. I'd be milking that injury for all it was worth.

    And, I have to say, you have every right to be mad. The fact that you had to have surgery is shitty and so is all the recovery time. Just four more weeks though and you and your freaky baby leg will be back in business. :) I kid because I love.

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