Fluffy in Frisco

Hey, remember that time you had a blogfriend come to Texas to visit another blogfriend and they went out and invited you, so you met them and a bunch of other people at a bar, and long story short, you wound up putting dollar bills in a white, sparkly g-string at 3am with some strangers?

Here's the thing. I'm a roll-with-the-punches kind of girl. That's how I wind up in weird-ass situations and it's also how I wind up in amazeballs situations. 

Nerky by day, skanky by night.
Because WHY NOT wear leather shorts?
YOLO.

I met some girls and all of their husbands at a bar I'd never heard of pretty far from my house. I'm used to being a third, fifth, seventh, ninth, etc wheel by now. It's actually pretty excellent at bars, because the girls are my wingmen (wingwomen?) and their husbands come rescue us if shit gets weird.

This is where I met Fluffy in Frisco. She's a friend of ML, and now a friend of mine. You don't just go to a titty bar with someone and not become BFFs. It's a bonding experience.

Bathroom selfie with Fluffy because oops somebody spiked my water with vodka.

Right. So most of the group left at around midnight and it was just us and her husband. My outfit was getting me some REALLY creepy attention and I was about to hightail it back to my comfort zone, until she invited me to "a titter". Well shit, I couldn't not go. So after a shot of something delish (probably vitamins. or dreams.) and another vodka water, I was ready to have my first strip club experience. (Aw, I should scrapbook it.)

I paid the valet guy to park my mom-mobile right up front, because go big or go home, playa.

Mom-mobile FTW.

Strip clubs aren't what I thought - these girls were kind of awesome at their job. The poles were probably 30 feet high and they would climb up and be all acrobatic and do some Cirque-du-Soleil-shit. (More like TWERK-du-soleil, amirite?) I might be pregnant from all the eye-fucking though.

Then Fluffy's husband gave me 3 dollar bills, so I did what any respectable, educated woman would do. I took my $3 up to the stage to the "nurse" and ever-so-gently tucked each single between her g-string and her ass cheek. Right after she humped my face. (No homo.)

At the risk of taking all of the fun out of it, I hope those girls were stripping because they want to, not because they feel like they have to for whatever reason. Honestly, most of them were pretty fit. I don't know if I could climb a pole and support my body as gracefully as they did, much less with my teets out.

Pro tip: My new favorite drink is vodka water with lime. I had to work my way down to it from sugary drinks, but now I love it. Low calorie and it keeps you hydrated. I didn't even have a hangover, y'all. ALL THE WIN.

And that, my friends, is how a friendship is born. 

Comments

  1. Bwahahaha I die! I went to a strip club like that in Miami and was like damn, that's talent. I too, almost got knocked up. Too funny.. I'm planning my trip to see you soon. We could totally get into TONS of trouble.

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    1. Val..you come to Texas and you BETTA let me know!! I'm ALLLL IN for a girls night with you ladies!

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  2. you look banging in those shorts!!!! AMAZING!

    sounds like a fun night... I am going to have to try the vodka water thing- I have worked my way to vodka soda- so I am just one step away!

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  3. LOVE Fluffy in Frisco! What I wouldn't give to have been ya'lls 3rd wheel!

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  4. Wait, did you drink a shot and "another" vodka and then drove?

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    1. I can see how it sounds that way! I had a total of 3 drinks in 4 hours before we left. The timeline wasn't as short as it seems - I would never do anything seriously dangerous. Aside from wearing leather shorts to a shady part of town. ;)

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  5. vodka water was my go to drink in college. Party all night and wake up ready to do it again, a win- win!

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  6. I need to try this vodka water you speak of...

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  7. Huckleberry vodka and water! Try that ish!

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  8. Some of my craziest moments were spent in a strip club...always fun when the girls bang their stripper heels together really loud in your ear! Just never pull out your camera - I learned that the hard way! (I was trying to get my lipstick out of the bottom of my purse, but they didn't believe me)

    As a former wine rep who called on several gentleman establishments...most of those girls have serious daddy/body issues you couldn't even dream about. Probably 3 of them are underaged using a fake ID, and 1 is actually using the money to become a doctor. It's quite the eye opening experience to go into the dressing room and help them get drunk on copious amounts of champagne. I've never felt so happy to be fully clothed in my life!

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  9. True story, the last time I was in a titty bar, one of my residents plopped down in the chair next to me and handed me a huge stack of singles, and some random person I'd never met bought me a lap dance on stage. It was insane. I guess that's what happens when your Bachelorette party takes you to the titty bar???

    It sounds like a fun, and awesome night. You were ROCKING those leather shorts!!!

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  10. That vodka water thing sounds amazeballs. And my first experience at a strip club was with my husband a girl friend of mine. Stripper straight up asked, while slapping my face with her boobs "is this your girlfriend?" and I said "nope, but this is my husband". And that is about how that went down.

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  11. i've never been to a strip club, but i tried out one of those pole dance fitness classes one time... it's HARD. i would suck as a stripper. (probably a good thing.)

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  12. Flavored vodka + club = my go-to get crazy
    Went to a strip club to crash my friend's fiancé's bachelor party. Said friend tried to talk the strippers into going back to school while putting a dollar in her bra.

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  13. You looked totally hot in those shorts and I love that mom sticker on your car! It has been a loooong time since I went to a strip club and I don't remember that much of it. Your experience sounds like a lot more fun.

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