Now that I finally reached my goal weight (a few weeks ago) and I still have a little paunch, I've been thinking, when does it end? When will I be satisfied? I still take unflattering pictures sometimes where my arms look weird or my belly rolls are super obvious or I have a double chin. When will I be content?

Being a girl is silly and dumb.
Correction: Being a girl who compares herself to other girls is silly and dumb.

My weight loss goal was never to look "perfect". What does perfect even mean, anyway? It's so subjective. My goal was never to be a supermodel. It was never to be one of those oiled-up body builder women or to come in first place in a marathon. It still isn't. If that's your goal, then super. Go for it. Mine was to lose enough weight to be confident and happy with my body. (Read: I want to look good acceptable naked.)

I know I'm not overweight. I'm just trying to make you feel better.
HAHA, jokes. I got 'em.

I'm never going to aim to have a six-pack or huge arms. Flat stomach? Yes-ish. Toned arms? Yes again. Perky ass? Duh. 

My goal is to be fit and active. I want to DO things and LIVE. I want to be a fun mom to my son. Yes, I go to the gym or otherwise workout almost daily, but it's so that my life outside of the gym will be better and more fulfilling. 

I don't eat fast food very often because it makes me feel like shit. On top of being tired and lethargic after I visit my BFF Taco Bell, I'm also moody. I'm short-tempered and I hate life like an angsty teenager for a few hours until that shit passes through. (Let's be honest, it doesn't take long for Taco Bell to "pass through". For the record, I either get a Crunchwrap Supreme or a Mexican Pizza when I go, which is for real, like twice a year. Tops.)

But seriously.

I feel like I'm pretty close to being back to my version of normal now that I can run (slowly) without any pain. Now it's time to work toward my version of perfection. It's not anyone else's "perfect" and shouldn't be measured that way. There will never be an end - it's a constant process of bettering myself inside and out. Sometimes I'm an asshole. I can't wake up early to save my life, and I'm always late. Changing these habits has nothing to do with being fit, but they have everything to do with being my version of perfect. I curse a lot and I don't even give a shit (and not a single fuck was given). Cursing is included in my version of perfect because I think it's hilarious (MY LIFE MY CHOICE). So are my tattoos and the organized chaos I live in. Ain't nobody got time to be Martha-fucking-Stewart. (If Martha Stewart had a tramp stamp, what do you think it would be? Probably a perfectly wrapped gift. Or a butter churn. Or a turkey baster.)

Personal goals, betch. I haz them. What are your personal goals?


  1. Word!!! I just want to be comfortable in my skin and not focus on the bad lady bingo arms or pancake ass. Damn you photoshopped models. Your messing with my mind.

  2. Martha would have a perfectly arranged centerpiece as her tramp stamp. With fancy woodsy flowers nobody has ever heard of.

    I love your cursing, and damn girl, you've been looking fine lately. I know exactly what you mean though about trying to become content with your body. It's a long, hard (twss) process to stop always be seeking that next level of perfection. But thankfully, you're running again, and maybe that will take your mind off of the things that still aren't quite perfect.

  3. Love it! Sans the Martha bashing. She did time. She hangs with cool people now too;) Thanks for the "bright spot" this morning. Have a great Halloween!

  4. I haven't given my personal goals much thought lately but it would be good to revisit them. BC (before crossfit) I would have told you that I wanted to be back into my size 4's and back down to 130lbs or less. Even when I hit 129lbs and my size 4's were falling off of me, I wasn't happy. Then I gained some weight back and really thought I'd like to get that skinny again.

    Now? I really try not to focus on weight and the size of my jeans. I try to focus on getting stronger and attaining my CF goals. I'd like to be able to do a handstand pushup, unassisted pull up, box jump of 24 inches and move up in my weight with the kettle bell.

  5. I love how open and honest you always are on here. It helps a fat girl like me to see that everyone estate version of perfect isn't the same and I'm okay if I want to curse or jiggle.
    My goals are to be healthier in general. I want to walk somewhere and not be out of breath, jump in my hiked up jeep and not struggle. And I just want what clothes I DO have, to fit comfortably right now.
    As you mentioned above, when is it all over? Once I hit those goals, what then? Will I constantly want more? Will I be content with it? I don't want to turn into "that girl" that just can't be happy with herself, but I don't want to quit just because I hit A goal.
    Good luck with the running again. I'd be scared shitless!

  6. 1. I think we're just conditioned to tear ourselves apart. Women's magazine and all diet foods are counting on it.

    2. Better question re: Martha Stewart: What is her prison tattoo?


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