The million dollar question

I lost a tonna weight, son. I tell everyone that comments on my healthy lunches or the fact that I go to the gym every day. I tell everyone that calls me petite, tiny, skinny, etc. I always say that I wasn't always this way and that I lost a lot of weight. They smile and nod and ask how much, and I say SEVENTY POUNDS, BITCH. (Okay, I don't. But I do say 70 pounds.) That's when their jaws drop.

"I can't even picture you with 70 more pounds!" or "No way!" or when it's not during business hours, "You're not fucking serious!"

And then BOOM, I smack 'em with a before picture I have on my phone. Most of the time their reaction is, "Oh..."

Because I was fat. I'm the first to admit it. Also I had a terrible haircut. (And superhot beige bra straps hanging out. SEXUAL.)

So then they know I'm for real. They know why it's important to me to eat healthy food and hit the gym a lot. What's the next question?

How did you do it?

Um, well how much time do you have? Because it's not a short answer. Oh wait, yes it is. Stop eating shit and start moving your body. That's the answer. The short answer, anyway. Then there's the next question.

That's not to say I don't LUH me a cheeseburger. I do.
I'm just more discriminant with my cheeseburgers now. 
Ain't no way, ain't no how I'm eating any of that fast food bull ish.
Gimme a medium rare with cheese, avocado, spinach, pineapple and bbq sauce ALL DAY LONG.

How did you start?

I downloaded MyFitnessPal to track my calories and fix my portion sizes. I downloaded a C25K (That's couch to 5k if you're new to this. I had to google that acronym when I first started.) app and committed to finishing that bitch. I also signed up for a half marathon with my BFF. If you have a goal to work toward, you're more likely to stay at it.

These are all things I tell people. I condense it down and give them what I did, how I started and a couple of tips depending on their battle. Drink a ton of water. Chew gum when you have cravings. I've been there, I know.

And then what happens?

They give me a muthafucking EXCUSE as to why they can't achieve it. WRONG, BITCH. You CAN! How are you and I so different that I can do it, but you can't? We're not.You have to believe you can do it and make it a priority in your life and then you will succeed. That sounds cheesy as hell, but it's the truth. Then once you achieve your goal, you'll feel like you can do anything.


  1. Hey!
    I've been a stalker on your blog for a looooooooong time, but usually refrain from commenting because everything I want to say normally makes me sound like a stalker, of the bunny boiling variety!
    I just wanted to say youre before/after pic is inspiring and you're right there is no magic formula you just have to make it a priority!

  2. You are my hero, Nerk! I wanna be just like you when I grow up! (Even though I am older than you, ha!)

  3. The quote on the dopamine receptors really hit home for me. I have a MAJOR sweet tooth and I've started realizing how, once I get that one piece of sugar in my mouth, it's all over. I can't have just one and I end up completely overindulging. Case and point: I made homemade chocolate chip cookies last night. Next to eating about a cup of the cookie dough, I'm pretty sure I ate close to eight of those damn things last night. Like a freaking drug addict, I kept going back for more. Disgusting. So this morning, realizing that I can't have it in my house, I packed it up, sent some over to my mom and the rest will go to the guys at work. The worst part for me is, I really enjoy sweets and, if I can learn to eat them in moderation, I'd love the have them in my house on occasion. BUT I guess that can't happen until I learn to retrain my brain...and that's HARD WORK!

    Great post!

  4. You do look like one of those petite chicks that was always tiny now. I get sick of people now who say things like "why are you reading a salad!? You're already skinny" like I'm supposed to eat cheeseburgers all day errrrday now.

  5. I love, love, love this post! I'm still trying to lose. I'm still closer to my starting point than my goal oufit, but people (family members mostly) are already asking questions and then saying they couldn't do it. They can't believe that I enjoy running and eating stuff that is better for me. Seems crazy to them. It really is simple (but still hard) to do. Thanks for showing us the way, Nerky!

  6. You are such an inspiration to me and you always leave me laughing.

    Your progress is amazing! You go girl!!

  7. Can't wait until I can answer the how much did you lose question with "Seventy Pounds, Bitch!" ... ha ha ha .. love it, you rock my face off, the end =)

  8. Preach it sista! Oh talkin to me too? Damn. Imma get with it TODAY. Thanks for the real talk. I lub you!

  9. Truth! Girl, I love when people say I don't have time. Ummm I'm pretty sure I could not have time too, but it's like my PT job. Schedule that shit in! Oh and I love the bra straps...that right there..classy and hot! Love you're face girl

  10. Loved this post! I have lost about 65 lbs and am now getting the "how did you do it" questions. The normal response is "oh". Yes sorry people there is no magic involved. Running and cutting out the dumb shit. That's all it takes! Have a great day girl!!xoxo - Lynn

  11. Thanks for sharing your story! I have lost 75 pounds since January, only to fall off the wagon in the last 2 months and just this week I've gotten my head back in the game! I would love to lose 100 by the end of the year, so we'll see! I've tracked every day this week and hit the gym 3 times so far :) I CAN DO THIS!!! :)

  12. I wrote this same post but less funny the other day. I aspire to be more funny like my nerky someday ;)

  13. Tru Dat Sister! I think something has finally "clicked" for me. I've always seen everyone's "after" and thought "Yeah, but I could never do that." I'm sure everyone's "before" thought that too until they DID it.

    This lifestyle change is like helping a drug addict. You can't help someone if they don't want help. That includes yourself. You have to WANT to change and until then you won't stick with it. I WANT to change and AM changing my lifestyle and look to bloggers like you for inspiration.

  14. LOVE LOVE LOVE this post!!!! I just finshed Week 4 day 2 of C25K this morning. I drag my ass out of bed every morning to hit the gym before work. In the last month I have lost 8lbs and 5 1/2 inches. Ok,, I don't plan on finding them again.

    What bothers me the most is my mom. She's very over weight and walks slower than snails because of it. She joined a gym, but always has an excuse not to go. My favorite one so far was that she got her hair cut that day and didn't want to mess it up. On a side note, she does say how proud of me she is.

    Ok enough rock!

  15. Your blog is awesome. I too, have to workout everyday. but I was really thinking of skipping it today. Then I read this...MOTIVATION! Thanks for that! Your blog has quickly become my favorite! :)

  16. Fuck you, now I want a cheeseburger :P Man that looks yummy.

    You are totally right. Anyone can do it. You look hawt and I bet it feels awesome that people can't even tell you were overweight. I get all the time that people don't believe that it is that simple. People are weird.

  17. I'm in love! You are awesome and nerdy and this is a fantastic post!


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