Running on purpose. And donuts. On purpose.

Ima be real honest. I hate 5ks. I feel like I'm just getting started and the mothertrucker is over. That said, it doesn't take much to get me to run one (food, beer and peer pressure - pretty much how I can be coerced into most things). I usually only do the fun-themed ones and I pretty much always take my kid with me, partly because I have to and partly because I want him to see me being active so that he will want to be active. Also 3 miles is about all I'm down for with the jogging stroller. (That mufuggah is the WORST.)

My real life friend Crystal is doing 50 5ks in a year because she's crazy motivated and awesome. We met in a rain forest ( and she makes cute baby girls. My other real life friend Angela just started running recently. We met in Spain and we do a lot of stuff together (no homo). I only hang out with people I meet in interesting places.

My kid crying because he's scared shitless of new situations.
Angela's kid throwing a shitfit about something I can't remember.
Crystal's kid in the middle thinking boys are CRAY.
Pretty sure this experience turned her into a lesbian. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

All three of us packed up our spawn in the bitter cold (it was 30 degrees when we started - that's cold as balls for Texans) to stuff them full of sugar first thing in the morning while we wogged 3 miles for the Hypnotic Donut Dash. Seems legit. There were 7 donut hole stations along the course, and then regular donuts at the end. I gave my kid most of mine because he loves donuts and I only think they're okay. If I'm gonna have a sugary, carby breakfast, it's gonna be some fuggin' pancakes.

That doesn't mean I didn't eat any donuts.
The regular were a thousand times tastier than the holes.
Also, this is my new fave picture of us.

Once the race was over, I got my dixie cup full of beer, because beer and donuts is the breakfast of champions, fuggeddabout Wheaties.


I actually had fun taking my kid. I told him when we left the house that morning that we were gonna go for a run, and he got excited because he, unlike me, loves the stroller. (Probably because he doesn't have to push it.) The whole way there he was saying "We gonna go for a wuuuun!" Be still my heart. He says cute/embarrassing things all the damn time now. Like in a crowded movie theatre last week when he screamed "Mommy tooted!" (For the record, I didn't. Lying little turd.) And then he shouted "Mommy! Take off your boobies!" Wish I could, bro. My back could use a break. Also, someone needs to learn how to whisper or something. I mean, seriously.

My little superhero.
He LOVES Captain America, which is making me soften my heart toward the lamest Avenger.
He could have worse role models, so I'll allow it.

After the 5k Saturday, I ran 10 miles on Sunday. (humblebrag) There's a half on Feb. 15 that I'm playing with the idea of registering for. I really want to redeem myself from the Shiner Beer Run, but I'm honestly not sure I can run 13.1. Today my left ankle and hip are really sore, and that tells me I'm still compensating for my knee. The good news is that my knee isn't as sore as it has been. I know I have a solid excuse for not running that whole race - less than 3 months after ACL surgery, zero training, etc. - but that doesn't really make a difference. Excuses are for the weak.

I never thought I would be a runner. I always said "I don't have the body type for it" because I was short and stocky like a soccer player, and then I got fat and really didn't have the body type for it. The fact that I run miles at a time on purpose 3-4 times a week still blows my mind. I'm not super fast, but I'm working on it with HIIT. I'll never run an ultra. Not because I can't, but because it doesn't interest me. I'm not sure I'll ever do a full marathon, but if and when I decide to, I know I'll git 'r done. I will do a triathlon one day, just as soon as I can afford a bike. A pink one, because I want to be taken seriously as a competitor. (Just kidding, I do all of this for fun. I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse.)

My point is, I started off as far off from a runner as you can get. Two-hunnit pounds at 5'2". Runners are tall and slender, I was not. (I'm still not tall.) But yanno what? I set my mind to it. I had a goal. It wasn't some magical process. It sucked a lot of the time. You know what though? The awesome feeling when I finish a long run, or I beat my time for fastest mile, or I get a new medal from a race WAY out-weighs the shitty feeling when I have a bad run.


  1. that koala hat on that kid looks crazy evil in that stroller pic! lol

  2. Man, I really need to get back into running. I forgot how much fun 5Ks can be. I mean, donuts and beer? Yes, please. That is so great that you and your friends got to run with your kids. And the picture of you and Mylo is adorable!

  3. Mommy take off your boobs! - LOVE it!!!

  4. Angela (@Spamgela twitter and @Cookiemomster IG)January 28, 2014 at 7:13 AM

    I feel like you're yelling at me for being the fat shitty runner that I am - OH FUCKING WELL! I LOVE IT.

  5. I have too many fugging things to say about this. Enough to keep us occupied while we ran a 10k -- which happens to be my favorite distance. Maybe we can talk Cait into ditching the beer run and doing 6.2 instead? No? You're right. But this year we're getting matching shirts that proclaim our mutual appreciation for blogging and beers.

    FACT: I have only ever done 1 run that did not have beer at the finish. It was for a school fundraiser. I made Ammon get me beer afterwards, because it's a damn requirement if you're going to safety pin some lame-o piece of paper to the front of your shirt like you're a 1st grader on a field trip.

    FACT: I eat so that I can eat all of the things, and this includes donuts. Your donut looks forking good.

    FACT: We have a burger joint here in town that will serve you a burger on a glazed donut as a bun. It has always grossed me out. However, a burger sandwiched between 2 pancakes sounds really not terrible. This makes little to no sense with this blog post, but I hope you appreciate it anyway.

    We are redeeming ourselves for Shiner at Shiner -- that's for damn sure. We are going to own that race!

  6. I live in DFW too :) If the Feb 15 half is too soon,sign up for the Rock n Roll half March 23! Ive done it the past 2 yrs and its a blast! Live bands at every mile, people running in costumes etc.


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