Frisky Friday: Up in Da Club

Alcohol, loud music (n-tss n-tss n-tss), dark corners and middle-aged men in skintight snakeskin pants. How could you go wrong?


Clubs in movies are always well-lit and full of pretty people drinking pretty drinks, oftentimes resulting in a choreographed synchronized dance-off. If that's how clubs actually were, I'd be so. on. board. Lemme get in the front row, I want to show off my sweet Ricky Bobby moves. All DAY, son.

Real life clubs are loud, dirty orgies and everyone is invited. Bob, the sleazeball from accounting? He's invited. Cassandra, the walking STD? She's invited. Your mom? She's invited, bro. It's a chance for cougars to let loose and show the world they still got it. It's a chance for oogie men to gawk at scantily clad young women. It's a chance for young women to get free drinks in exchange for dressing like mid-level hookers. It's a chance for young guys to have complete disregard for societal norms and act a fool.


Once you cross the threshold guarded by the bouncer who determines if you're pretty enough to not pay cover, anything goes. No holds barred. Wheels off. Pro tip: nothing good happens when you're wearing a handkerchief sized shirt at 2am. NOTHING. Nobody's mother would be proud of them for the way they act in da club, unless your mom was in fact, at da club.

Here's some simple math:

Alcohol + late nights - clothing = Bad decisions.

But that's not really club math, is it? That's just adult math. Club math has more variables to consider:

Never ending alcohol + late nights + loud music + Handsy McGropertons - inhibition + courageous and provocative dancing - clothing - self awareness - respect = A night you will most likely regret and the worst 2 day hangover you will ever experience in your life. And maybe crabs.

The moral of the story is that bad things happen to good people who get turnt up in da club, not the least of which are sloppy selfies taken in the bathroom and uploaded immediately to Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. Where there are females with alcohol, there are selfies.

Comments

  1. So.... I don't really know you, I just stalk your blog and your instagram.... and you're fun.... and trust me when I tell you, you are going to want all of the shirts from this website: http://www.lookhuman.com/browse/apparel. I have no affiliation with the website, except that I also want all of the shirts... but they made me think of you (in a non creepy way)!

    ReplyDelete
  2. BootsNPantsNBootsNPantsBootsNPants (read it out loud)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Have you seen the YouTube video #selfie yet? It is all of these things.

    ReplyDelete

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