Health is more than just how big your muscles are. Health is about balancing your life. Right now, my guts are unhealthy and my docs are still trying to figure me out. Currently we're ruling out viral gastroparesis, which is a virus that paralyzes my stomach and could potentially take weeks to resolve. Honestly, I hope that's what it is and I'll readily forgive whoever gave it to me because I really don't want to have surgery. I wrote more about my tum-tum issue here.
Since I'm not eating enough food to properly workout, it's really hit or miss on gym time for me. Right now, running hurts my stomach. I can really only go about 2 miles before I just can't take it anymore, so I've been trying other workouts, and then finally I just said NOPE, sometimes you need to take a break to heal. (That's how you know I'm really sick - remember how fast I was back in the gym after ACL surgery?) Something I've learned in the past 3 weeks of me not going to the gym (as much) is that I like the time it's given me.
I don't want to remember how many reps I can curl with whatever weight dumbbells. I want to remember my son sleepily climbing into my lap saying, "Mommy, I want to watch Star Wars" and laying his head on my chest.
I don't want to remember being sweaty and smelly after gym time, and maybe not having time for a shower before I get back to my desk every day. I want to remember being nervous about a first date and carefully picking out an outfit that's cute, not too skankatron, and just the right amount of feminine-meets-down-to-earth and that won't show sweat because Texas summers are hot, y'all.
My goal has always been to be a great role model for my kid - that's why I lost my weight in the first place. Now that I've had a chance to step back and reflect on my workouts - not gonna lie, I was mostly sad at first about being setback - I think I may try to focus more on workouts I can do at home where my son can see me. I may not hit the gym every day at lunch. I may never have biceps as big as some of my weight-lifting friends, and that's okay with me. I may never run a full marathon. (That's a lie, one day I WILL run a full. I need that medal. Also on the future agenda - a triathlon. I need a bike first, though.)
This doesn't mean I'm gonna let my bod go to hell. I'm pretty on point about eating mostly clean and healthy with the occasional cheeseburger, and a lot of it has to do with portion sizes. Is the cake really worth it? Sometimes, yes. Most of the time, no. I'll post some of my new fave clean and easy recipes soonsies. It also doesn't mean I'll never hit the gym. Balance is the name of the game.
Health is also about mental health. I've taken a little step back from blogging and checking my emails constantly. I don't respond to every blog comment anymore because I just don't have the time, but I do read all of them. If you send me an email, I'll do my best to respond, but sometimes I just can't because I'm a busy mothertrucker. I hope you understand.
I'm just training to be present and active in my son's life. Training to be healthy, happy and thankful in my own life. (Fist bump. Make it explode.)