Things that make me want to punch myself in the face

1. Animal print. I want to be on board with a hint of leopard print because of its implied sexuality and inherent adult-ness, but I'm just not.

2. When I start watching a tv series on Netflix, because I binge and watch all 6 seasons in 2 days and hate myself for my lack of self control. I don't sleep enough and I don't get any of my actual shit done and it's just a terrible idea. But I still do it. (Orange is the New Black, amiright?)

3. Standing in line behind someone writing a check at a store. What are you even doing, bro? It's 2014. GET A DEBIT CARD AND STOP RUINING MY LIFE.

4. That last little bit of belly fat that's part loose skin from being fat/having a kid and part pizza/beer/burgers/cookies.

5. When people twerk in public.

6. Hangovers. I do it to myself, but damn, I only had a few beers. It's not like I went to town on a bottle of Goldschlager like the good ol' days. I'm clearly not 21 anymore.

7. Chores and paying bills. You mean I don't get to spend all my time doing fun stuff and all my money on candy? FUCK, what was the point of growing up?

8. When people argue about politics/religion on Facebook. Sure, you have freedom of speech because this is 'Merica, but it just doesn't seem like the right forum for a good debate. What are you doing? Slamming the keys down on your keyboard angrily? No.

9. When you go to Chipotle and they give you a child-size scoop of meat/veggies/etc. Listen, just because you're having a shitty day, it doesn't mean you have to skimp on my burrito bowl, you gatekeeper of delicious dreams.

Anything y'all would add?


  1. Binge watching, YES. And then I'm so depressed afterwards because it's over and I have nothing else to watch...until I binge on my next show. Never ending cycle.

    Hangovers. Miserable. 3 glasses of wine and I'm down for the count, like this morning. What happened to the days of shots all night? Not in college anymore, clearly. Kills me!

  2. Thought I was the only one who got mad at the Chipotle workers. A whole scoop please!

  3. I am not afraid to ask for more of anything at Chipotle. Also, it makes my day when they give me extra meat right off the bat, haha.

  4. Angela (@Spamgela twitter and @Cookiemomster IG)June 26, 2014 at 7:37 AM

    you white girls and your damn chipotle obsession

  5. That one friend who is constantly bragging on FB about how fabulous her life is... "I was wearing my size 00 jeans the day after I gave birth!" *Cue Kevin Hart's face*

  6. Binge watching!!! I just did it with Scandal...then Downton Abby. I didn't even shower for days!!

  7. Number #3 and #9 for sure. I give the biggest stink eye to those at Chipotle. I mean damn. I'm paying almost $10 for this stuff. Give me MY DAMN BARBACOA! Didn't nobody around here tell you to put a few pieces on there!

  8. Omigod, gatekeeper of delicious dreams? I may have peed myself a little laughing at that. And now I want Chipotle.


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