Funky Town

For the past few months up until very recently I've been in a funky funk about working out. Probably because my stomach's being an asshole. ("Well ma'am, after extensive testing we've found that your stomach has, in fact, turned itself into an asshole. There's nothing we can do.") After a zillion dollars worth of testing over a few months due to a couple of scary episodes, my doc finally determined that I have idiopathic gastroparesis, which means my stomach doesn't contract and push food through like it should, and they have no idea why it's being an ornery little bitch about it. And it will probably be this way forever. (But hey, at least it's not cancer!) It makes eating difficult and painful a lot of the time (all of the time), so I have to eat really small portions more often throughout the day so my stomach doesn't get too full. Now that I know what's wrong, I can manage it without meds or surgery. The silver lining is that's exactly how we're supposed to eat anyway. Boom, I'm totally nailing this. 

The cool thing is that I can eat whatever I want. Literally anything. I can't stomach enough for calories to even matter. Cheesecake? Yep. Burgers? Yep. Pizza? Yep. I take a few bites, maybe eat half a burger and I'm stuffed almost uncomfortably. Eating half a burger maxes me out. No fries or anything. Eating a whole burger feels like I ate three helpings of a Thanksgiving feast, y'all. It's the worst and I have to lay down until it passes (hours) lest I vom and pass out on you. (Not a good look.)

It sounds like every fat kid's dream disease, doesn't it? The hard part is timing my meals and workouts. Eating enough food to have the energy to crush it at the gym or on a long run without stomach pain/nausea/etc. is proving difficult, but I'm working on it. Also the debilitating stomachache that comes after eating too much is pretty lame.

For a while I backed off the gym entirely. It was exhausting. Every time I would go it made me feel worse because I just couldn't get to the level I was used to. My feet would drag on the treadmill or I'd have to stop at 2 sets of bicep curls. Then afterwards I had to lay down to recoup. It made me feel old and lazy and sick and fragile - none of which are words I would use to describe myself. So I pulled myself out of it. I can tackle this problem like all my other life problems - with equal parts logic, trial and error and charisma (duh). I've been having good luck with a high lean protein diet, and shakes are my jam. I like protein shakes because I can drink them slowly over an extended period of time, and gravity naturally pulls the liquid through my stomach faster than solid food (science!), although it still takes hours.

The point is, I've been in a slump. A down. A funk. A bullshit phase and I'm tired of it. I'm on my way back up, getting ready to donkey punch the Tough Mudder this fall.

Buhlee dat.


  1. That blows, I'm sorry to hear that you have to deal with this crap. Don't put too much pressure on yourself, you'll get into a groove that works for you soon enough!

  2. Angela (@Spamgela twitter and @Cookiemomster IG)July 23, 2014 at 6:42 AM



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