Frisky Friday: What to do when you have a last minute date and you haven't showered in three days

(Catchy title.)

You weren't planning on seeing anyone after work today. Your legs, pits and coochie are hairier than you'd prefer anyone to get up close and personal with. You stank. You can get away with dry shampoo for work, but do you want somebody biting your ear up in that rat's nest? No way.

So what do you do? 

Going to the gym on your lunch hour has never been a better idea. Not only do you get your workout in so you're tight as a tiger, but you also get to shower-power. Say a mini prayer/thank you to Stormtrooper Jesus for that coupon for a free razor you got last year so you threw your old razor in your gym bag. AT LEAST shave your pits and legs, at least. Be sure to wash that nasty ass hair, even though you're gonna have to blow dry it and you left your flat iron at home.

Once you get out of the shower, blow dry your hair on the cool setting because you're still hot from your workout and the shower. Did you forget that you don't have an actual brush in your gym bag? (Shit.) Make a mental note to throw one in there, or at the very least a comb. You're gonna have to use your fingers today. (twss?) 

Get dressed, fix your make-up. Go back to work. Race home at 5pm on the dot to figure out your hair sitch. Decide you don't have time to do anything to it and think about wearing something that will draw his attention elsewhere.

But what?

Depends on your activity, doesn't it? If it's a low key evening, like, for instance, this very real situation that happened to me (last Friday), then roll with yoga pants. He's not even gonna notice your lackluster hair with your donk front and center. Plus, it works out because your "date" is actually taking your kid to his house to play with his kids while y'all cook dinner and drink wine in the kitchen, except that, unbeknownst to you, your kid ate something unsettling earlier in the day, so when you go to see why he's crying, he leans his head back suddenly and voms ALL OVER you, your unkempt hair and your yoga pants. (And the couch. And the floor.)

It's a good thing you went to all that trouble showering and shaving earlier.

Pro tip: Find a man who is unfazed by projectile vom all over you and his couch the very first time you go to his house. It's probably because you wore yoga pants. (My kid is fine - it was just something he ate.)


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