Sittin' Pretty

I have 2 toilets in my home. One is pretty sweet because it would whistle every time it was flushed, loudly. As in, people commented about it. They said things like, "Tea's done!" and "Dude, what the fuck is wrong with your toilet." And I said things like, "Ha, great one!" and "Fuck if I know, bro." You know, tailoring my response as appropriate as any good host would do. (False, a good host wouldn't have a whistlin' toilet.)

My whistlin' toilet made flushing fun! (By "fun", I just mean loud and/or annoying.) It had done it since the dawn of time, aka since I've lived here. It wasn't until I had a manly man who knows stuff about fixin' stuff over recently that pointed it out and then said, "You need a new ballcock," which I thought was a pick up line, but as it were, that's a real thing. *snicker*

Turns out I'm excellent at handling a ballcock. First, I acquired a new ballcock from my local hardware store. Since size doesn't typically matter, I got an average one. It would be awkward to go too big for my first time. Once I fit it in the hole, I held the shaft firmly while I twisted from the bottom, making sure it didn't slip out of my hand. Note: Things can get moist in the process.

Long story short, I fixed my toilet like a real-life homeowner. (But it needed a cigarette after.)


  1. Perfect early Monday post! I got my 'hehehe' kinda humor in with my morning coffee.

  2. This just made my Monday! It took forever to read the last paragraph beings I couldn't see through the tears in my eyes from laughing so hard! You rock!

  3. Awesome write up. Thanks.

  4. this just made my Monday!! It's so important to handle a ballcock with ease


Post a Comment