It will never stop being weird

You guys, I have the weirdest condition. Is it a condition? Disease? Whatever you wanna call it, my stomach is an asshole (figuratively) and doesn't wanna ackrite and I'm all you bettah work bitch and it's all nah, bro.

It's called gastroparesis and it means my stomach doesn't contract like it should, so food just kinda chills out in there and doesn't move along. I'm pretty sure now you think I either hershey quirt all over the place or I'm backed up worse than 635 at rush hour (that was a Dallas reference, y'all), and I can assure you that neither of these scenarios are true. Just ya know, for the record. Anyway, I've had it for almost a year now and nobody knows why. This is what happens after I eat:

Turns out I ate a baby. 
Not really. 

Also, I'm not pregnant. Like, definitely not pregnant. I know that it looks like I'm pregnant and I'd just like to reiterate that I'm not pregnant. That's just an example of how distended my stomach gets when I eat. It's kind of a buzzkill. Thanks for ruining eating for me, asshole stomach.

I bloat up every time I eat, albeit not usually to quite this extreme. I've found that when this happens, I need to go on a liquid diet for a few days to give my stomach time to empty before adding to it, so that's what I'm doing now. It's like a reset button. It's been working so far and since my doc told me I can either be medicated for the rest of my life (uh, no thanks) or have surgery to implant a belly pacemaker (uh, vehement no thanks), I was kinda left to my own devices to figure out how to dealio.

I eat 6-7 small meals/day. A protein shake/smoothie is usually one of them because I can still get nutrients without adding food to my stomach to just sit there - liquids move through faster just due to gravity. I have to focus on a low fat, low soluble fiber diet because I don't need anything else prolonging digestion, mkay.

Sometimes I mess up and eat too much at once or I eat foods that are difficult to digest and I look like I'm 4 months pregnant for a few hours. Sometimes I just have a rando flare up after eating one of my regular small meals. In the above picture I had previously eaten a chicken and veggie stir fry, the same thing I had eaten the day before with not nearly as big of a reaction. Neat, I love unpredictability. 

The extent to which my belly expands will never stop being weird. It's kind of hilarious watching people's reactions when I show them that picture though, so at least we can all have a chuckle at this super weird, random condition. Does laughter help with digestion? Asking for a friend.

Comments

  1. I have a friend with this condition and it took them 2 years to figure out what the hell was wrong with her! She just had surgery to repair her stomach, turned out she had a hernia. Good luck! She also said that lollipops helped her a lot. Weird, huh?

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    1. Crazy, I wonder what it was about lollipops?

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  2. I had issues like that. I stopped eating gluten and bam, they went away. I miss all the gluten but I don't miss looking like I'm preggers and my belly hurting.
    And I do not think gluten is evil. I love it and feed it to my kids every day.

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    Replies
    1. Haha, I love that disclaimer at the end. ;)

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  3. Angela (@Spamgela twitter and @Cookiemomster IG)February 6, 2015 at 7:07 AM

    i'm glad you're finally responding to comments on your post. makes you seem like you're actually THERE betch.

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    Replies
    1. I've been replying via email, but your account isn't connected to email BETCH.

      Hi.

      Delete
  4. How were you diagnosed? My doctors have written me off. Sorry if this posts twice

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    1. I spent a day in the ER doing ALLLLLL the tests and bounced back and forth from doctor to doctor over the next few weeks until my GI ruled everything else out.

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  5. I have gastroparesis. Ive had it since I was a child. While Im not a fan of medication, I wouldnt do without because mine would get so bad I would vomit/reflux and I have scarring of my esophagus from the acids. This didnt start happening until my early 20s though. I take Reglan. No weird side effects and it helps tremendously. I still get mild bloating from time to time but its always because Ive eaten something terrible. Good luck with this. I know how real the struggle can be.

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