Eat ALL the things

Eating snails isn't formally on my bucket list, but it should be so I can cross it off. One time there was a snail in my house. I watched him(?) slowly slither from the top of the door frame diagonally across and up the 15 foot wall to the window sill, presumably to do hoodrat things with his snail friends. If I knew he'd be so tasty with garlic and butter, I would have made more of an effort to capture him. 

Who am I kidding, everything is tasty with garlic and butter.

This is what I get for being addicted to MasterChef (aka Gordon Ramsay's hair and accent). They make all this fancy food, and then I simply cannot continue living until it's inside me. A few weeks ago they made beef wellington, which is basically a super upscale burger pocket, except yanno, with tenderloin and puff pastry instead of ground beef and bun. And fancier toppings. I had to experience this. (Cow meat + carbs = burger, right?) So last night my manfriend and I went out for a fancy pants dinner at a fancy pants restaurant because we're fancy pants people who wanted beef wellington.

And also because it's my birthday today. 29? More like twenty-foinnnnnnnne.

Dallas folks, this was at Table 13.
Manfriend is turning extra tricks this month to afford it.
Three dollar signs.

We nommed escargots, bacon-wrapped figs (shitbitch these were good), beef wellington, chicken cordon bleu and bananas foster because we're goddamn worth it. And yanno what? It didn't even mess up my macros that much. Not that it matters, because life is for living and if you don't splurge on your birthday, then you're basically Hitler. 

Sure, 1,000 calories for one meal is a lot, but look at how glorious.
Shhh, just look.

I'll figure out how to make those bacon wrapped dates and post the recipe. They would be perfect for a holiday party. Or for eating naked on your couch watching MasterChef. Whatever you do is your business.


  1. I knew there was a reason I was obsessed with your coolness. it's MY birthday today too!!!! Team leo!!! Happy Birthday!!!

    1. Happy Birthday! It's us, Harry Potter and JK Rowling. Pretty solid club to be in.

  2. Haha..... i am currently obsessed with gnocchi because of masterchef.

    1. Did you see the fruit tart challenge last week? Now I have to make one. Have to.

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