How wet are we talking?

Today I got in my car and was backing out of a parking space when that Keith Urban song came on the radio where he says, "I'm gonna meet you with a warm, wet kiss" and I couldn't change the station because the backup camera was on and I can't mess with the radio when that's taking up the screen and it hasn't been an issue until today when I decided I'd rather put small children and animals in potential danger of my cavalier reversing than ever hear that lyric again. It just seems like a sloppy, irresponsible way to get a yeast infection. (Oh, did he mean a kiss on the mouth?) Why does he specify that it's wet? Does it involve saliva escaping the reasonable realm of containment and dribbling down my chin? Because I'm out on that. Let's keep it together, man. Dribbling's not sexy unless you're Lebron.

I'll take my chances blindly backing out of narrow parking spaces in busy parking lots. I'll parallel park like my father before me, no tricks. Just, please let me change the radio station while I'm in reverse or I will most certainly projectile vom on the inside of my windshield, and that's gonna be really hard to clean. 

Or maybe we can petition that he change the lyric to, "I'm gonna meet you with a temperate, average amount of saliva but still passionate, kiss," or even better, "I'm gonna meet you with a bottle of wine and a back massage," or even better, "I'm gonna meet you with a stuffed crust pizza and a zero calorie Rock Star + vodka because I know your soul and that's what you really need right now."

Because that's real love.


  1. I'm going to meet you with beer and barbecue after you finish a half marathon in an ice storm. That's also a lyric I could get behind. Too specific?

  2. I'm not going to meet you because I'm too busy handling chores and kids, so you can have a minute to yourself

    Now that's a lyric I can get behind


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