Lemons

I've been having a shit time of it lately. If I could get a point in the win column, THAT WOULD BE FUCKIN' SWELL. 

Schweddy post run selfie

It really takes a lot to overwhelm me. You know those personality tests you take when applying for a new job to make sure you fit in with everyone? We tested one out recently at work and my results came back and told me my patience is off the charts, literally the most patient person in my department by a landslide. I attribute that to having a kid, prob. It takes a lot for me to lose my shit. So when start to lose my shit, I go for a run. That usually helps, because we all know from Legally Blonde that exercise gives you endorphins and endorphins make you happy and happy people don't kill people.

I mean it's normal to have shitty spells and I know it will pass, but motherdick if it could be soon that'd be great. I've learned that life sort of does that to me (and probably everyone). They don't say that when it rains it pours for nothin'. Back in 2013 I lost my job and got divorced/moved out of my house within a few weeks. That sucked pretty hard but I came out better for it. Then I found my condo and a new job within a few weeks of each other, so again, it all happened at once. My friend told me yesterday that I get tested by life more than anyone he knows. At least I'm not going crazy. Yet?

So here's what I do when life gives me lemons:

I angry cry. Like what the fuck, life? Can we fucking not right now? And then I get over it. Usually this happens when my manfriend hands me a pint of Ben and Jerry's and a spoon. It's probably just a ploy for him to get his bees. Whatever, I ain't even mad.

I buy something. Like a fancy new laptop. I have a "pissed off at the world" savings accounts for occasions such as this. Because it doesn't happen super often, usually it builds up and I can buy something awesome with no ragrets (not even one letter). When I got divorced/laid off I got my very first iPhone and a pair of patent leather heels. Bet that's not in Dave Ramsey's finance plan, but it should be.

I eat treats. Um...duh? P.S. Whose idea was it to buy good Halloween candy? I've eaten more fun size Snickers than I want to even talk about. And also cake. FUCKITIMSAD.

I drink cheap wine mixed with flavored seltzer and belt out top 40 songs while watching the Youtube video and/or cleaning, cooking, writing, etc. ("HELLO FROM THE OUTSIIIIIIIDE") Question though, how does one syncopate one's skin? Is it a sex thing? I don't get it. I'm just gonna assume it's a sex thing.

I run. It makes me feel good, so I do it. Seems obvious, right? I always run faster when I'm pissed. I was at a 6:30 mile for about 10 seconds last night. That's how you know shit is real real. I was even going uphill.

Gotta burn off that B&J.
Because bees.

I still laugh. What's the point if you can't find the humor in a situation? I mean sometimes I need help. Like, you have to say something funny. No pressure.

And then I get a fake tan, put my big girl panties on and conquer the day. Pull it together Nerk, and throw the lemons back.

Shared this on Instagram yesterday.
If you're not following me there, you prolly should be.
@nerkymeg

Comments

  1. You rock! All of your coping mechanisms are on point and you're right, this too shall pass. I truly hate it when people say things like ,"Everything happens for a reason" or "God only gives us what we can handle" well guess what... God (or whoever it is is your higher being) must think I'm pretty friggin' bad ass sometimes!
    I prefer to live by Dumbledore's words: "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the light".

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    Replies
    1. Dumbledore is the wisest of all. Agreed.

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  2. All of this. I relate. Sadly. Run and scream and sing at the top of your lungs and buy all of the things if it gets you through. I also like to read and trade my drama for someone else's. Sometimes I will re-read a beloved book for the added comfort of "old friends". And never underestimate a one day hotel getaway. Even in your own town.

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    Replies
    1. Re-reading a book is an excellent idea! I hadn't thought of that.

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    2. Angela (@Spamgela twitter and @Cookiemomster IG)October 29, 2015 at 7:08 AM

      ooh! let's do a one day hotel getaway! i'm in!

      Delete

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