Spray tan fail

What is it about weddings that make us pull out all the stops to be gorg? Or in my case, epically fail in being gorg? All I wanted was a tan and some contoured cheekbones. Is that so much to ask? Apparently, because I wound up as Snooki with transvestite eyebrows. Cool.

Thursday night I got a spray tan. A harmless, nbd, probably bad for you in some way they haven't discovered yet but at least it doesn't cause skin cancer (allegedly), spray tan. Tan fat looks better than pale fat, that's what I always say. Tan those jiggles right on up. It wasn't until my kid wanted to take a family picture that I realized I turned black for my friend's wedding. I told her I'm sorry or you're welcome depending on how you look at it.

Welp, didn't expect that.

So that's pretty seriously bad, but hey at least I don't have skin cancer? Luckily the fail layer washed off in the shower the next morning and I was left with a totally average amount of fake tan. The spray tan crisis of 2015 has been resolved, people. Nothing to see here.

But then, my friend's stepdad hired a makeup artist to come in and give everyone transvestite eyebrows make everyone beautiful. I've never had my makeup done by a professioanl before, so I was kinda stoked about looking like a Kardashian for a minute, ya know? Too bad life is hilarious and so were my eyebrows. The shape is fine, it's just that the color is hella dark.

Eyebrows off fleek, I repeat, eyebrows off fleek.
Eyelash game strong, though.
And the tan turned out okay.
Plus, still no skin cancer so that's pretty cool.

I'm prob just gonna go ahead and stick to my BB cream and lack of eyebrow penciling routine going forward. I like my blonde brows, SUE ME. The best part of getting my fancy make up done is that she used 3 shades of lip stain and gloss to get it just right, and then I ruined it in the best way.


With both a spray tan fail and an eyebrow fail this weekend, I'm clearly not doing a great job as a basic white gurl. 


  1. I actually think the brows look great! But I'm the same, when it comes to my own brows anything but normal feels transvestite-esque haha

    1. It's just too much! I felt like Groucho Marx.

  2. Tanning outside often causes wrinkles and dries skin out. Additionally, you're not going to have to worry yourself to death about future issues with cancer. Instead of searching your body for spray tan west hollywood cancerous moles or other tell-tale signs, you can look at your slowing skin and know that it is safe and beautiful.


Post a Comment