The struggle of cohabitation and doing human things

Yesterday I backed into a parking space and, in that moment, really felt like a true adult who has her life together. Nevermind this whole selling my house and buying a new house with a man mumbojumbo. I crushed that parking space.

That's what this song is about, right? Backing into a parking place?

Do you ever make this huge life decision like YOLOBETCH Ima get a tattoo of an aardvark eating cheetos on my muhfuckin bicep and then after it's done you're like, oh shit I have a tattoo of an aardvark eating cheetos on my muhfuckin bicep, what do I do now? Why did I make that life decision so hastily? That was a bad move, self. Overall I don't feel nervous about buying a house with my manfriend, but occasionally I think hory shit if there's a dealbreaker either of us discovers after we shack up, we're stuck. Locked in for 30 years at a fixed rate.

Like what if he always eats my ice cream and then I don't have any for the first day of shark week? Or what if he doesn't pull his weight and get rid of all the bugs/critters? Or what if he doesn't put the seat down? Men sit too, it's not an unreasonable request. Or what if he shaves his face and then doesn't clean up all the hair and it looks like Cousin It exploded in the sink? Or what if he doesn't tetris the dishwasher right? Hands down, inefficient dishwasher loading is the worst domestic sin.

On the flip side, what if he can't get past the fact that I stick the hair that falls out when I'm shampooing up on the shower wall (so it doesn't go down the drain and clog it, obviously)...and then leave it there til I clean the shower (once every never)? Or that I'm really bad at paying my bills on time? Or that I leave icing bags in the fridge for months sometimes because I'm too lazy to wash the tips (heh)? Or that I insomnia shop online and then am pleasantly surprised when I receive packages? (Ain't nothing saying I can't insomnia shop for two, amiright?) Or what if he catches me doing a human thing? One of those things that is necessary but also kinda gross, like shaving your taint? It's a sight that can't be unseen.

Whatever, we'll probably nail it as per usual. 

Cheers to cohabitation.
And selfies.


  1. Shorty after my husband and I moved in together, I had to train him a bit ;). He totally left a mess in the sink after he would shave. I learned to not just throw my shoes soon as I'm in the door. I'm sure you guys will adjust quickly and nail it.

    1. Hahah one of the requirements for the new house was a closet big enough for all my shoes. 😂


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