Part 2: The honeymoon


I booked our flight on Virgin Airlines. I was pretty stoked because I'd heard awesome things about flying with them and this was our elopement so I wanted a bitchin' ride. Keyword was. So our flight was on Christmas Eve at 6pm. I packed my Leia costume and R2-D2 shoes and one change of clothes.

We had to drop off kids along the way and pick up a Han Solo costume - the last one in Dallas apparently. We had to make sure the dogs had plenty of food and water to last a day. We had to clean up Christmas mess and make sure all the electronics were off. We did all the things and got to the airport at 5:15, which is a scotche later than recommended, but we weren't checking bags and we made it, okay? We were only a little frantic and asked someone where the Virgin ticket counter is, to which he replied, "Love Field". We were at DFW. Shit. 

Is this real life?

I swear, Virgin used to fly out of DFW. They did. They did. My manfriend didn't realize it either, and it's important to note that we were wrong together.

So I looked at him and at the same time, he said, "We'll never make it," and I said "Let's run," and I took off and he followed. I sprinted out of the airport, across the street, into the parking garage, up and then down stairs to get back to the car to speed across town to the other airport. He navigated like a boss and we arrived at 5:39 for the 6pm flight. NAILED IT WITH OUR MUTHAFUCKIN TEAMWORK. I thought. 

They wouldn't let us on the plane because we were checking in after it had started boarding. That's apparently a thing. So we stood there and pleaded with them and asked them to call the gate and told them we had a Darth Vader wedding waiting for us and the best they could do was tell us to look for another flight on a different airline. We were bummed at first, but Southwest really came through for us. They put us on a 6:30 flight with a plane change in Austin, which still got us to Vegas, but we were gonna miss Darth Vader. But hey, we could figure all that out later.

Of course my manfriend got randomly selected for an extra patdown at the security check. It is his wedding night after all. We boarded our first flight and got 2 seats by each other in the back. The row in front of us were wanderlusts who all met each other on the flight and became BFFs over the free drinks our flight attendant passed out. Merry Crimmus to errrbody. 

We made it to Vegas, but didn't have anything specific to do except worry about how extending the trip would affect our dogs (they were fine, we filled up their food and water before we left. Plus, they had each other), so we gambled. We played craps and roulette for the first time and then accidentally won all the money we lost back on a slot machine. Solid.

We woke up on Christmas morning and went to get our marriage license, which was a short walk through the sketchy neighborhood from our hotel in downtown. Vegas has a lot of homeless people. And also it gets super cold there - it was like 40 degrees. Umm it was 70 in Dallas when we left, we were NOT prepared with our one change of clothes and light jacket.

We ate. We drank. We bought a selfie stick. We went to a fancy pants dinner at Gordon Ramsay (my other manfriend) Steak where we got Beef Wellington and the prettiest fish and chips I've ever seen. Get ready for a lifetime, or at least as long as it's convenient, of us ordering 2 entrees and splitting them so we can try more things, manfriend.


We drank all the alcohol and then a whole bottle of wine, save for 2 glasses we gave to our table neighbors because we're friendly AF. With dessert, which was the best sticky pudding we've ever eaten (I think it may be the only sticky pudding Iv'e ever eaten, but whatev, it was delicious), our server brought out champagne to toast our impending nuptials the following day. Shout out for awesome service, amiright?

That night was super fun. We saw sights and got tipsy and froze our teets off walking up and down the strip. We used our new selfie stick and I couldn't contain my excitement at this. We honeymooned before the "wedding". 

It was late that evening that I got a call from the wedding coordinator at the chapel...

Part 3 involves a random Asian.

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