Evil stepmom

Y'all, I'm a stepmom now. I didn't really think about that before Darth Elvis, but shit is real real now. Real married. Real life. Real chaotic. One of my stepsons asked me if I'm his aunt now that I'm married to his dad. So if that's any indication, this shit is gonna give me gray hair. I went from a family of 2 to a family of 7 and with that comes some significant lifestyle changes.

Like having to wear pants in my own damn house. Ugh.

Like playing nice with people. Well that wasn't really affected by my change in family status so much. The older I get, the less shit I'm willing to put up with. Ergo I speak my mind. Ergo I get us in trouble. Like that time I got us kicked out of the uhaul rental place when we were moving last month. (In my defense, the woman we were dealing with was really something special.)

Like grocery shopping and cooking for 7. Y'all bitches eating ramen, IDGAF. And whoever gets the green bowl has to do dishes. And bring me my wine. And vacuum the house. And take out the trash. And clean the bathrooms. And keep everybody entertained while I hide in the closet and watch Netflix. House rules.


Like duplicate everything. We have so. many. cups. Like how many random kids meal cups does a family need? About a hunnit fiddy? Because that's where we're at. And where the shit are we gonna put all these toys? In the goodwill donation truck? I'm down. Also, 2 punching bags, 0 kitchen tables. How did that happen?

Like school schedules. "Okay you take this one and I'll take these two and then they can ride the bus to this point but then we have to pick them up and then this one has karate and this one has dance and soccer practice is Wednesdays so we have to switch then and I can't get to work late Thursday so can you take them and pick them up and don't forget there's a band concert tomorrow and I'll be out of town next week so good luck with that and we need groceries and maybe by the time we get home from everything we won't be too tired to...zzzzzzz."


Like miscommunication about who's getting what and when and where. We haven't forgotten any kids anywhere (yet), but we do have like 80 bananas. So.

We're gonna need a bigger banana hammock.

Potassium game strong.

Comments

  1. HAHAHAHA! Welcome to the stepmom club! I been one for almost 9 years. I can tell you its HARD real HARD. Schedules dealing with the other parent and who ever they are seeing or married to. Going to bday parties and school events was always interesting. Plus dealing with the extended family of the ex's....But when your step kid gives you a hug and says thank you for doing whatever you did because you were just being a good human being you know its worth it. My suggestion WINE lots of it and therapy...transitioning is hard. Finding friends you can vent to is also key. Plus if you blog about it I can get a good laugh and relate
    :-)

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    1. I'm all about drinking my frustration away. At least wine makes me nicer to be around hahaha

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  2. Wall calendar saved my life. Each kid has a color. Each kid is responsible for writing their stuff in the calendar. If you don't put it down, you don't go... unless you can't write. Then I do it. It will take a minute to get your system down, but you got plenty of bananas to snack on until then...

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  3. It blows my mind that you are step-parenting so many kids. I'm sure you're rocking it and that they adore you.

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  4. This made me laugh out loud. I couldn't imagine the change. I see some pinteresty organizational/calendar/media wall coming soon to a Nerky House near you.

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    1. As soon as we finally get unpacked, if ever!

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  5. gonna need a new blog banner graphic thingy...

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  6. OMG this made me laugh hysterically! BTW, we have a mutual friend, Lindsey {rose} Mercer. Yall played soccer together!

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