Foam rolling

Out of the 10 business days in the past two weeks, I have successfully awoken to workout before work exactly one time. 

So yeah, I'm basically crushing this.

I just. I mean. 5:30 is so. goddamn. early. I could do a 7am workout. I would be so far down with that. But 5:30? I'm just never gonna be on that level. Not while I have kids to chauffeur, an 8-5 job and meals to cook. Basically I need a driver, nanny, sugar daddy and a cook, and at that point I wouldn't have to squeeze in a workout at 5:30am anyway. I could just pay people to workout for me. Problem solved, solution found.

That doesn't mean I haven't exercised at all. I've been running a lot despite my asshole knee. I mean it's not actually an asshole, thank goodness. But it's an asshole, ya know? I have to train differently now than I did pre-surgery. I still have a torn meniscus that rears it's ugly head when I push it too far like a teenager when you change the wifi password. I have some dank scar tissue from where they cut into me that honestly hurts more than the torn meniscus. So I don't push myself as hard because I don't want to risk further injury, and frankly it hurts a bunch and I don't like that. I would rather it hurt less, so I push less. (Aw, look at all these good decisions.)

So to help with the residual pain, I've found that foam rolling is SO AWESOME and SO TERRIBLE all at once like a sonic slush during happy hour on a hot summer day because YASSSS half price lemonberry, but SHITGODDAMNMOTHERFUCKBRAINFREEZE.

Foam rolling hurts so bad, y'all. I'm not gonna say it hurts so good like a workout, because no. It legit hurts so bad. I know there are people out there claiming that foam rolling doesn't work. That's fine, but when I foam roll my knee scar immediately after running, my knee pain the next day is maybe a 3/10. Without foam rolling it would be a solid 6/10, maybe up to an 8 if I ran uphill. So yeah, it's a little more painful than I'd like for a few minutes, but it saves me a lot of pain in the long run. Like having that awkward conversation with someone that smells weird. Send your cube neighbor straight to the drug store to pick up some Secret Clinical Strength and maybe some body splash, stat. Be the foam roller of your life. You're welcome.

Really all I do is roll back and forth over the incision scar for a few minutes. Y'all, it hurts just to touch this scar, so imagine mashing it with most of my body weight. Brings a little tear to my eye, not even gonna lie to ya. Then I roll my quad, hammie and calf just a little bit to help with circulation. Seems to help.

All in an effort to avoid a third knee surgery. Ain't nobody got time fo dat.