On the up & up

Before my first knee surgery, I was at the top of my game. I was thin and fit and I could run an 8 minute mile (I think. Definitely 8:30.). I played indoor soccer and was rocking out my newly single life. I was ballin'. Then I tore my shit in a freak indoor soccer accident, had ACL surgery and was ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED to get fat again, so I got back in the gym ASAP, big ass leg brace and all. I'm talking a week post-op, still high on pain killers.

The thing is, I know what you're thinking, and I'm not dumb. In fact, I'm pretty smart if you look at my grades in school/various internet IQ tests. But fear will make you do some stupid, stupid shit. And I was scared shitless to become this girl again:

Homegirl on the left.
Homegirl on the right is aight.

I was fat with a bad haircut. Double trouble. And I was scared to become that girl again, so I pushed and pushed my therapy, obviously not making the best choices because I wasn't thinking straight. I ran a half marathon 3 months post-op, then did a tough mudder with my brother about a year later. Aaaaaand tore my shit again. Why? Likely because it was weak from not having adequate healing time. I can't tell you which part of the race busted my knee, because it hurt for most of the time. I suspect it was from jumping from a high wall to the ground. Whatever, I finished the race because I AIN'T NO BITCH, and then when the pain didn't go away for a couple of weeks, I went back to my doctor with my tail between my legs.

You can see the fear in my eyes.
It's like I knew what was coming.

After my second surgery, I still pushed it. I was still terrified to get fat, but I wasn't quite so stubborn. I listened better and went to physical therapy, until I stopped going to physical therapy. 

I slowly got back to running, about 3 months post-op. I'm talking light jogging - and that was allowed. I think I may have progressed too quickly though, because running never felt the same. My knee hurt EVERY time I worked out, and I never ran more than 4ish miles after that. I stopped running half marathons and tried a couple of triathlons - but even so, my knee hurt almost constantly. Finally, 2 years post-op from my second surgery, I tweaked my knee weird on a short run, and said NOPE, I want this handled. I went to the doc expecting him to tell me I had a torn meniscus - this was a known issue that I was just managing through. That's exactly what he told me, with about a 10% chance that I'd need an ACL repair.

Welp, I guess I need to buy a lottery ticket, because here we are. This recovery feels different. Maybe it's because I was so shocked about the surgery to begin with. Maybe it's because I don't have any big races planned. Maybe it's because I'm taking a deep breath and telling myself it's gonna be okay. I'll be that thin, fit girl again. But right now? I need to rest, and I need to eat my kids' Christmas candy. I need to freeze my gym membership so that I can heal my shit before I bust it again. I need to relax, don't do it, when you wanna go to it.

I got side-tracked.

Point is - recovery is going well and my butt is a little cushier. Doctor keeps telling me to pipe the fuck down with getting swole again. I'm like BUT BRO, you don't get it, I usta be YUUUUUGE. And he's all, GURL, naw. You'll be aight. Chill. I mean, that was basically verbatim. PT is going well, I'm progressing like I should, and I'm BOSS at balancing. Like, A++ in that category, shockingly. Kinda makes me want to try barre when I'm allowed to do stuff again.

For now, I'll just be over here flexing my left quad for 5 seconds, then releasing 20x. Then maybe some leg lifts. Little bit of calf raises. Some light stretching. And maybe I'll start hitting an ab circuit if I'm feeling perky. We'll see what the day brings.

P.S. I opened an Etsy shop! I don't have a ton of stuff listed and I haven't sold anything yet, but you should probably take a look and/or favorite my shop. Valentine's day is coming up and I have some totes adorbs printables. I'll add new stuff weekly, if not more often!


  1. Girl, yes! Take it easy! I broke my pelvis in four places in June in a car accident(thank you asshole texting and hitting me)...long story short, I'm going to start back at the gym in February. Do I feel like the marshmallow man from Ghostbusters? Hell yes! But I needed this time to heal and boy is that hard to tell yourself when you have those fears! Hang in there and work those leg raises!


Post a Comment