Nope.

Y'all, okay. I might be in a shit mood because I worked all weekend, but I don't think that's it. But maybe.

Maybe I'm just an asshole. It's possible.

But I can't deal anymore. Maybe it's because most mornings by the time I get to the carpool line at my spawn's school, I've been awake for 2+ hours already. Maybe it's because I'm dressed in my stuffy business clothes with my thong flossing my butt cheeks and my belt cutting into my skin. Maybe it's because after I drop my spawn off, I have to go to work instead of going back home. 

But each time I see the grown ass woman in her Minion pajama pants, pink fluffy bathrobe and house shoes pull up to the front of the school and EXIT THE VEHICLE in the carpool line to help her kid out of the car, I sit in my car wondering WTF is even happening. Listen, girl. I get it. You want to be comfortable and it's early AF. But you are 1 - showing the world your bathrobe, and 2 - setting a bad example for your kid. Why does your kid have to get dressed and ready for the day, but you don't? You can't be bothered to throw on a hoodie instead of a robe?

This mom is a repeat offender, too. One time? Sure, everyone oversleeps. Daily? Naw gurl, we need to talk.

Life is a struggle, girl. I know. Mine is too. It's hard to get up in the morning and maybe you have other kids you have to get ready for school too. Maybe you work a night job, have insomnia or maybe you got white-gurl wasted last night, so it's especially difficult for you to wake up. But girl, I have a 5 minute solution for you, and it rhymes with shmoga shmants. To make it even easier, you can sleep in them, so it's not any extra time in the morning.


Nobody said your yoga pants have to attend a yoga class. It's not part of the rules when you buy them. I know, it seems like a mistake. It's not. I promise. Slap on some yoga pants, a zip up hoodie and a baseball cap and BOOM, you look like not only do you have your shit together at 7am, but after dropping your kid off, you may or may not be headed to the gym to better yourself further. Guys, you don't even have to wear a bra if you've got the hoodie. Awe-some. 

Not a fan of yoga pants? I'm all about compression leggings+tank. Keep that shit tight. The less I jiggle, the jollier I am. Ironic.

Athleisure is the new pajamas, beb. It's also the new regular clothes. Too bad it's not the new business casual, or I'd be set.

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