Y'all. Yesterday I ran and I. am. so. out. of. shape. 

I, of course, use the term "ran" loosely. I started to run (aka jog), thinking I may make it half a mile. I made it probably 100 yards down the street before I was gasping for air. At that moment, I re-downloaded my Couch to 5k app because I'm not at the level I used to be, and that's shitty, but I gotta start somewhere to get back there.

Warm up walk: 5:00
Run 1:00
Walk 1:30
Repeat for 20 minutes
Cool down walk: 5:00

Running pace: 9:38, but I can only do it for a minute at a time. Not my worst, not my best, but I ain't mad about it. I mean except that I used to be able to do it for like 2 hours straight. 

Y'all, it feels like I'm starting over. Because I am starting over. It's a total mindfuck going from fat to fit back to fat trying to get fit again. My trainer keeps saying that endurance will be the most difficult thing to regain - strength will bounce back pretty easily. I beg to differ, because not only do I feel fat and out of shape, but I feel weak too. Time will tell, I s'pose. And sure, I have an "excuse" with the knee surgery recovery, but I'm not about that excuse life. I'm determined to get my shit together and my knee will cooperate this time. That's why I have a trainer. And a doctor. And I haven't signed up for any races, except a 5k in September.

So here I am, 5 years later in the same place I started. Fat, trying to start running with C25K, having to schedule a 5k several months out. Y'all, I used to run a 5k as a warm up. But I can't think like that. Gotta get to gettin'.

Now here's a picture of my office plant that is totally sprouting because I needed a picture for this post. Also because it's worth noting that I have kept it alive.

Gotta start somewhere.


  1. Every year feels like a start over... I have a back injury, so things get put on hold... a lot! I've been walking 5 mi/day, recently upped it to 6+, and then jogging for bits and pieces during mile 4 & 5. (I'm up to running 1/3 of a mi at a time, with walking breaks). Started the C25K (again) last month, but traded it for the distance walking for now. Because I'm carrying an extra 15, from last year...ugh!, running was just not in the picture right now. Yes, it sucks starting over, and over... I hear ya!

    1. Way to get after it! It's definitely a struggle!

  2. i. get. this.
    Totally & completely! Two years ago, I was 67 pounds down, weighing in at 197 - feeling good and loving life, then depression HIT me. I hopped on some anti-depressants and proceeded to spend the next three months gaining ALL but 3 pounds back.
    Now, I'm off the pills, I'd rather be depressed while loving my body... then be depressed and FAT. The struggle is real.
    Healthy foods, daily workouts (even if only for 15-20 minutes, gotta start somewhere, right?) - I'm back on the bandwagon!

    GO NERKY! You can do this ♥

    1. Depression is a monster - take care of yourself! Get it girl!

  3. Oh man, I feel this so hard. Having a baby pretty much undid the years of healthy weight and fitness work I had put in. Still waiting for the go-ahead to start working out again, but I know it's going to be one hell of a humbling mindfuck. At least we're in this together?

    P.S. - You're going to crush all of your goals. I know it, you always do. Except when your goal is to run a half marathon post knee surgery in an ice storm. That shit is just dumb.


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