Y'all, my birthday was on Monday and ALL I wanted was a clean gat damn house, because I'm old I guess. I'm generally a pretty clean person, my pre-husfriend condo was always clean and everything was always put away. Fast-forward a year and a half of living with so many more people and GURL I CAN'T EVEN. Fuhgeddabout having my bed made every morning.

I've had many-a-mental-breakdown because of the huge amount of work that goes into cleaning up after a house full of kids and a messy husfriend (YEAH I SAID IT, HE'S MESSY, but I'll love him through it). I have a full time job, I come home from work, spend some time with the spawn if they're there, get dinner figured out, maybe workout, then after the kids go to bed, I get to work at my night job building websites/doing graphic design work til anywhere between 12-3am, then I wake up at 6 and start over.

So I'll ask you, WHEN THE SHIT AM I SUPPOSED TO CLEAN MY GODDAMN HOUSE? New idea: sleep cleaning. It's like sleep walking, only more productive. I wonder if I could sleep workout too?

There's no real reason for this picture,
except that it's my blog and I'll post whatever picture I want, GOSH.
Garage Kitty always hangs out with me when I'm on the couch.

For me, mess=stress. I'm not like, super anal about it, but shit all over the kitchen counters and clothes, pillows, blankets, etc. strewn all over the floor is not going to work for me. I'm too high maintenance for this life. I'm not saying we need to vacuum and mop every single day, but when I go to sleep, I like the dishes to be done and kitchen to be clean so that when I wake up it's a clean slate, so to speak. 

I'm turning into my grandma.

Side note: When I say I've had mental breakdowns, I'm serious. Pretty sure it surprised the shit out of my husfriend, because I'm usually chill AF. Y'all, going from me+one kid to me+man+5 kids was certainly not all sunshine and rainbows. 2016 was a year of understanding our differences and working through it. It was very hard. Very, very hard. We're good now though.

I've become less strict about cleaning and my husfriend has become more understanding that I can't function well in a messy house, and we are still happily married because compromise, boo. Plus, I assigned chores to all of the spawn. Forcing a teenager do the dishes is almost worse than just biting the bullet and staying up an extra few minutes to do them myself. Almost.

Anyway, so it was my birthday on Monday and ALL I wanted was a clean house, so I hired a housekeeper for a deep clean. Omg, just typing this out, I have so much emotion. It's the BEST THING I've ever done for myself. Hands down. My house smells like the sweet, inviting scent of lemon Lysol and affluence. All of the surfaces are clean and clear. That weird brownish residue that builds up on a porcelain sink? Gone. I have a white sink, people. Window sills, clean. She even made the bunk beds, y'all. A hazmat suit is no longer required for going into the teenagers' bathroom. The little boys' bathroom no longer reeks of a 5 year old's lack of aim. You no longer leave the laundry room with stray bits of kitty litter stuck to your feet. I can see the vacuum lines wherever there's carpet, including the stairs. I. Am. So. Grateful.

Did I say it's the greatest thing I've ever done for myself? Because it's the greatest thing I've ever done for myself. I HIGHLY recommend this experience. Better than a thousand massages from Chris Hemsworth. Seriously.

So on top of the gift I gave myself, my husfriend made me my very own wizarding wand out of a branch from our back yard. I'm not talking about whittling, he used tools to shape it and make it smooth and added in stones, it's pretty legit. Too legit, in fact. Too legit to quit, prob. Color me SUPER impressed with the second totally rad Harry Potter related thing my husfriend has made for me.

He's good with wood. Also with making things.

My patronus is a pomeranian, obviously.


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